With a heavy sigh, she'd admitted that she knew; her husband hadn't been that great at hiding the secret and she had known for a couple years. She also admitted that she didn't mind. That seemed odd to me at first, until my mom explained it farther. His wife knew that she was dying and she wanted to leave her husband happy, and Mom made him happy.
While living arrangements were going to stay the same until his wife passed, so he could care for her, albeit it in separate bedrooms, their relationship was now out for everyone to see, and date nights were a more and more frequent thing. My mom was happier than I'd ever seen her, and I let my misgivings about the nature of their relationship go. If all parties were okay with it, who was I to criticize it?
So Mom was out with her boyfriend for the night and Sawyer's parents weren't expecting her back for another couple hours, since they were pretty comfortable with me at this point, and allowed Sawyer much longer "visits". We were alone...completely alone. No parents...no ghosts. No one but the two of us were here in my room, and in my head.
As we kissed and wrapped our arms and legs around each other, I felt like it was the perfect time to tell her that I wanted to be with her, that I was ready to be with her. I just didn't know how to bring it up. But, as she so often did when we were together, Sawyer spoke my thoughts for me.
Her hand came up and the backs of her fingers ran over my cheek as she lovingly gazed up at me. I leaned down to kiss her, but her voice stopped me. "I feel like we've gotten really close, Lucas. And if you're ready to move forward...so am I." I pulled back and gazed at her suddenly serious expression. Her eyes flicked between mine as she softly continued, "I don't want to rush you, if it's still too soon after..." She shrugged and bit her lip. "I just wanted you to know...that if you were ready...I wouldn't say no." Her hand cupped my cheek as her eyes looked over my face. "I love you," she whispered.
I swallowed back the almost overwhelming emotion at hearing her simple declaration. It passed so easily from her lips, yet carried such weight with it. "I love you too, Sawyer." My fingers running through her hair stopped at her jaw and my thumb brushed her tender skin. I thought about her words, about everything we'd been through this year, about everything we'd been through in our short lives. And, as I traced the perfect heart-shaped double arch of her upper lip with my thumb, I thought about Lil...about everything I'd lost with her, because we'd waited for so long. "I am ready, Sawyer. I'm ready...right now."
I leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled away from me. She eyed me warily as I cocked my head at her reaction. "Are you...sure?"
I smiled softly and shook my head. My hand came up to tenderly stroke across her brow, following a long piece of hair at the crown all the way down to her shoulder. "I couldn't be surer." I followed where the long lock hooked over her shirt, lightly grazing the fabric with the back of my knuckle. "If this past year has taught me anything...it's don't put off the important things." My eyes lifted from where they'd been watching my fingers trace the swirl of her hair. "I waited so long with Lil...I never even got the chance to tell her I loved her, much less..."
I swallowed back that thought and started on a different one. "You and I have held off until I was sure I could...be with someone else." My eyes searched hers intently. "I can, and I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to hold back being with someone I love...and I love you, Sawyer. With everything inside of me, I love you and I want to show you." I looked down and felt the heat in my body, the desire in my voice. "I want to make love to you..."
I raised my eyes to hers. They misted as she gazed up at me and then her hands tangled in my hair and pulled me to her. Her lips met mine intensely and I shifted my body, so I was lying more directly on top of her. One of her hands trailed down my back as I pressed my body into hers. She gasped at the feel of me and hitched her leg around mine, drawing us tighter. I groaned and deepened the kiss, feeling her tongue slide against mine.
Her hands tugged at my shirt and I helped her lift the fabric over my head. Her eyes drifted down my chest as her fingernails lightly dragged down my muscles. I hissed in a soft breath while hers caught. Our eyes met again and my body heated even more at the desire I saw in hers. Our lips met as her hands reattached themselves to my wavy, mess of hair. My hand slid up her shirt as our mouths tasted, felt, caressed each other's. I felt her taut n**ples through the light fabric of her bra and a quiver went through my body. She moaned in my mouth when I ran my thumbs over the sensitive peaks. Needing more of her bare skin, I tore the shirt off of her and paused to stare down at the black see-through bra that was the same dark shade as her hair. I stopped breathing.
"Do you like it?" I managed to drag my eyes up to her face, her lips twisted in a soft smile. "The underwear matches," she whispered.
I closed my eyes as a shudder went through me and a throb pulsed through my lower body. "Yeah," I whispered. "I like it." My fingers ran behind her back as my lips traveled along her jaw to her ear. Gently tugging on a lobe, I muttered, "I almost hate to take it off..."
She whimpered and arched her back and my hand bunched the fabric and unsnapped the hinge. Smoothly, I pulled it off her shoulders and gazed down at her undeniable beauty, unadorned and unhampered by seductive fabric. She was perfect. "You're beautiful," I murmured as my head lowered to taste that tempting skin. She pressed my head into her breast as my tongue flicked and stroked her nipple. She moaned and rocked her h*ps when I ran my teeth over the tender flesh. She was panting and rubbing her legs up mine provocatively when I switched to the other one.
Her h*ps rocked again as I trailed soft kisses down her abdomen. My hands lightly ran down her sides, tickling her, and she laughed softly and then groaned. I flicked my tongue in her belly button and closed my eyes at the moan she made. It went straight to my already hard body and I knew I needed her to touch me soon. I drew a line with my nose to her waistband and kissed the button on her jeans before I unhooked it.
She groaned and helped me unzip and remove them. I bit my lip when I saw the aforementioned matching see-through underwear, and had to look away from the overly erotic sight before I lost it. The second we had successfully pulled her jeans off of her, her hands came up to mine. I was so ready for her, that the feeling of the tips of her fingers brushing against me through the denim fabric made me suck in a quick breath and mutter her name.
She rolled me to my back as she unzipped them and slid them down. I lifted my h*ps so she could get them off and she kissed the tip of me, through the fabric of my boxer-briefs. I gasped and stilled my h*ps to keep myself from coming. Not noticing what that nearly did to me, she pulled my jeans all the way off.
Not wanting to completely lose it if she did that again, I slipped my boxers off while her back was turned, occupied with dropping my jeans to the floor. When she swiveled back, her eyes widened as she took in the nak*d sight of me. I flushed as her eyes stayed focused on my erection. Nerves suddenly tightened my stomach at what we were going to do, what I was finally going to do. Maybe Darren was right, maybe I'd built sex up too much in my head. Now the expectation of it was sort of squashing me.
"I'm nervous," I whispered.
Her eyes immediately flew to my face and her brow scrunched slightly as a hand reached out to cup my face. "Why? It's just me." She smiled encouragingly, like those words would help me.
I swallowed and shook my head, sitting up on an elbow beside her. "Exactly....it's you." I sighed and ran a hand down her arm, my eyes tracking the movement. "I don't want to disappoint you," I whispered.
The hand on my cheek moved to under my chin, lifting me and making me look at her. "You...could never disappoint me, Lucas. Never." I started to protest, but she quickly leaned over and kissed me, cutting off my words. "I'm not feeling overly confident about myself either, you know. I mean, the last guy I was with rated me a three." I shook my head but she quickly cut me off again. "But I've always felt comfortable being with you, and I know this will be perfect...because it's you and me. That's all that matters, that's all that's ever mattered...you and me."
I sighed and let her deepen the kiss; draw me into her mouth, into her passion as we lay side-by-side. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe I wouldn't mess this up. Possibly still feeling my tension, she ran her lips to my ear and huskily whispered, "Just tell me what you need...and I'll do it."
The answer slipped out of my mouth before any conscious thought was put into it. "I just want you to touch me," I whispered.
She groaned at my words and slipped her hands down my sides, running them along my hips. I started to move on top of her when she slipped her hands under her own underwear and slipped them off. I paused, taking in the entire effect of this beautiful, nak*d woman lying on my bed...for me.
My breath spiked and a sharp ache went straight through me. With my eyes never leaving her sensuous body, I watched the way she slid her hands over herself, along her curves, over her hip bones, across her stomach. I again began to move over her, needing to be with her, and was again distracted by her hand, dipping down to her inner thigh.
My mouth dropped open as she ran a finger along her own wetness, a sharp gasp leaving her lips as she swept one digit and then another through the moisture, collecting some on the tips. I bit my lip, praying that this sight didn't cause me to come before she'd even touched me. She breathed lightly on my cheek as I watched her fingers intently. She pushed two of them all the way inside herself and I heard a groan escape me.
She pulled them out and I could see the dampness of her arousal shine in the fading sunlight filtering in the room. My breath increased dramatically and I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. Just when I was sure I was as hard as it was humanly possible to get, her damp fingers touched the tip of me and I stiffened even more. I cried out and closed my eyes as she spread her moisture over the head, gently coating the length of me. I felt her lips press against mine at the same time that her thumb swept a circle over the top of me. I tried not to, but a deep groan followed by a quick inhale through my teeth, escaped my lips.
I automatically deepened the kiss, matching her intensity and breath as her hand ran down the length of me, squeezing at the base before running back up to sweep her thumb over the top. I moaned in a near whimpering way at the electricity coursing through me, and hearing gentle words of encouragement, I moved my h*ps against her hand. I groaned louder, sucking on her bottom lip as her hand made a continuous loop - up, over, down and back up. She squeezed me harder and I pressed harder with my hips, loving the feeling of sliding through her slick fingers, imaging we were already joined together.
I relaxed into the rhythm of her hand and my h*ps and all nerves vanished with the rightness of the movement. Our lips never stopping, our breath only increasing, Sawyer took her free hand and with a gentle prodding, urged me to finally move myself directly on top of her. Still pumping gently into her hand held in-between us, the very tip of me started grazing over the wetness of her, over and over. She groaned and rocked her h*ps whenever I touched her, and I rocked faster to touch her more often.