“Oh.” I don’t know what this means, or how to process this information. It isn’t like he calls me anymore, or even sits near me in our shared class. I can’t control Jase’s response to learning about my past. The only things I can do is move forward, and pray that everything works out like it’s supposed to.
Chapter 23
Jase
Removing Stacia from my bed and my life again is a bigger pain in the ass than I was expecting. We’re not dating and we’re not together, but she seems to have blocked out that information. Ever since the drunken night where we messed around and passed out in my bed, she’s been coming over every day. Today, I’ve got to put an end to that. Even if I wasn’t still plagued by memories of Avery, I know I don’t want Stacia.
When Stacia arrives, I make sure I’m waiting for her downstairs. I don’t want her getting cozy up in my room.
She’s all smiles when she comes in and tosses her purse on the couch.
“We need to talk,” I say.
Her face falls and she tenses up.
She can tell by my stiff posture things aren’t going to go her way. “Sorry Stacia, I’m just not feeling it,” I mutter, rubbing a hand over the back of my neck.
“You seemed to be feeling it just fine when you were in my mouth last weekend.”
Christ.
She snatches the purse she’s just deposited on the couch. “You know what, Jase? Don’t waste your breath. I’m done with your shit.”
“I’m sorry, okay?”
She rolls her eyes and stomps to the door, which I pull open for her. “I’ve been sleeping with Trey anyway,” she adds before slamming the door in my face.
Nice.
I turn the lock on the door as if to prove a point. Stacia is done invading my life. That chapter is closed. As for Avery…I’m not sure yet.
Chapter 24
Avery
“Enough moping,” Madison says, snatching the dirty romance novel from my hands. “Come on, you’re coming out with me and Noah.”
“But I was at the part where he spanks her for the first time…” Wow. I can’t believe I just said that. I also can’t believe I’m reading the book that Madison shoved into my hands after finishing it in one day. But she’s right, it is addicting.
“Told ya you’d love the smut. But you can read it later. We’re going bowling.”
I don’t want to give up the progress I’ve made, so I get dressed, add makeup and let Madison straighten my long, crazy hair. The girl in the mirror looks different, but she’s still me. Maybe even a better version of me. No longer terrified of being discovered, because the worst of that has happened – a guy I was falling for found out in the most spectacular fashion and hasn’t spoken to me since – and it can’t get much worse than that. So I’m done hiding in the dorms while my friends go out on the weekends. Maybe if I pretend I’m normal and not destroyed by Jase’ rejection, things will fall into place. Fake it till you make it. Right?
With the truth out in the world, I should feel freer. But the effect is more like a great burden. It’s no longer necessary to hide. I feel worse than ever. I should’ve had the guts to tell Jase. He was a big part of my healing, and he opened himself up a lot along the way, too. By keeping it from him, I cheapened the entire experience. If he is done with me, I at least want to keep our memories, but now they are soured with my own guilt and self-loathing.
When we reach the bowling alley, all promises of a low key evening go up in smoke. Delta Sig has rented out half the place for a private party. You have got to be kidding me. I pause at the entrance and Madison looks past me to the group of obnoxiously drunk guys taking up half the bowling alley.
“Did you know?” I turn to her.
“No. I swear. We can go somewhere different if you want.”
Noah takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “You’re not running away this time, love. You got this.”
I nod. “Yeah. Okay.” I think I can do this.
Noah pays for our lane while Madison and I go get fitted for our hideous bowling shoes. Madison leads the way back to our lane, which is thankfully on the opposite side from the Delta Sig guys. I see don’t Jase. It’s possible he’s not here. But either way, I know I won’t be able to relax with the promise of his presence looming in the background.
Seeing him in the flesh would force up feelings I can’t manage right now. I thought I was healing, but his presence assures me that was not the case. Far from it. I miss his hugs that lifted me clear off the floor, his stupid nickname for me, the sexy gleam in his eye when he wanted to kiss me…
I select a ball and when I turn, I spot Jase and Stacia across the room. Ugh. As if seeing him isn’t bad enough… Stacia wraps her arms around his waist and, even though his hands remain loose at his sides, he does nothing to stop her roaming hands from mauling him. The pain of watching them together stabs at my chest. Maybe I’d overestimated everything we’d shared. Perhaps he and Stacia have always been more than just friendly exes and I refused to see it. Just as Stacia pointed out to me once before, he and I were never exclusive. That doesn’t mean the ache of losing him hurts any less. Especially the way it went down. The icy look in his eyes, the flat tone of his voice – I’ll never forget that.
Jase leans down and whispers something in Stacia’s ear and she bursts out laughing, swatting his arm. Watching this doesn’t help my heartache any.
I set the bowling ball down before I drop it on my foot, then I turn to Madison and Noah. “I was wrong. I need to go.” I have to get out of here before I do something awkward, like start crying in the middle of the bowling alley. Lord, this is ridiculous.