“Why?”
“Because if it doesn’t work out with her, then you’ve really lost something. We all have.”
“The thought of that scares me, too. But I can’t go back and change what’s happened here.” He drew a breath. “I know I don’t have a great track record, but I’m trying. I tried with the last one, remember?”
“You didn’t want to marry Courtney.” She sighed heavily. “Sometimes I don’t know what it will take to get me grandbabies.”
Here we go again, he thought. “Mom, I’m not deliberately trying to stand in your way of that. But hey, you never know, maybe it’ll take a woman who’s already been in my life for ten years, who I know I have a good time with, and who”—rocks my whole world in bed—“already knows me better than anyone else.”
“But your best friend’s ex?”
“Ex-best friend’s ex. I don’t have any notions of loyalty toward Todd Jacobs anymore.”
“I know, Evan, but you were best man at their wedding. Don’t you think that looks bizarre?”
“I really don’t give a damn. Come on, Mom. You did crazy things for love, didn’t you? You moved to a whole other country for my dad.”
“If it’s love, then you have my wholehearted blessing.”
Man, she’d pounced on that. He turned and looked through the glass doors, worried for a moment that Kelsey might be able to hear him. He didn’t want her to think he was having to defend their relationship to his mother. There was no doubt in his mind that once the potential scandal they would incite blew over, his mom would be overjoyed for him and Kelsey to be together.
If it ever had a chance to go there. Kelsey still had hang-ups. He saw them all the time. There was something she was afraid of, and it made her not want to open up to him. Hell, it was probably like his mother had insinuated. Why would Kelsey give her heart to him when, judging by his past foul-ups, there was almost a one hundred percent chance he would take it and run? He couldn’t sustain a relationship.
But he’d sustained theirs so far. She’d been the one person he couldn’t imagine living without. The months they’d spent hardly speaking, both of them humiliated and heartbroken, had torn him apart. He’d wanted them to heal over their time together, not slash open all new wounds. But at least she hadn’t seemed fazed by the news that Todd and Courtney had broken up.
His mom finally wished him well and hung up, so he wandered back into the living room, his damp pajama pants clinging to his calves. Kelsey was in the kitchen cleaning up, wearing one of his shirts and nothing else. It was stark white against her tan skin, long-sleeved, and reached almost to her knees. She’d rolled up the sleeves and only fastened a few of the buttons, so the V at her throat left just the first swells of her br**sts exposed.
She looked at him and smiled, wiping off the counter. Maybe she was bored. They hadn’t been messy. “What is it?”
He’d been staring. “Just admiring my shirt.”
“Oh.” She laughed, glancing down at herself. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“How could I? It looks better on you than it ever could on me. In fact, you should only wear my clothes from now on.” He approached her and drew her close. Her arms went around his waist, and he gently smoothed her hair back with both hands, gazing down at her upturned face. Her eyes matched the skies outside. Stormy gray.
“You’re wet,” she said, stroking the bare skin of his back.
“You’re beautiful.”
Kelsey’s soft pink lips curled. “How is your mom? I haven’t seen her in a long time. I guess the last time was…well, when I saw her out having lunch with Courtney.”
“When was that?”
“Oh, way back. Before. You know.”
“Yeah. She’s fine. She sends her love, and asks you to please keep me in line.”
“How am I doing so far?”
“I think I’m pretty well lined out, don’t you?” He pulled her closer so she could feel exactly what her nearness did to him, and she giggled and swatted at him.
“You’re insatiable!”
Only for you. “You’re not tired of me already, are you?”
“God, no.”
“Good. Because you know, rainy day, nothing to do, stuck here all morning…I can think of lots we could do right now.” He trailed a finger down between her br**sts, and her eyes closed.
“Are you sure this is something we should get into?”
His movements stilled, and he stared at her until her eyes slowly opened. Maybe she’d heard him after all. “I think it’s a little late for that question. What’s on your mind?”
“I know you said nothing we do together could be wrong, and I want to believe that, but…”
“How can it be wrong, honey? We’re both free to do whatever we damn well please.” He looked her hard in the eyes, trying to delve in there, trying to get to the heart of her protests. But she managed to elude him every time. “Aren’t we?”
“It’s all so messed up. You’re my best friend. This was supposed to be your honeymoon with another woman. You were our best man, and that in itself to me screams strictly off limits. There’s just so much…”
“Why don’t you forget about what might be considered ‘wrong’, or what might look strange in the eyes of other people, Kelsey, and focus on how you feel. Does it feel wrong to you?”
“I…I don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost you in some capacity.”
“What? How?”
“It’s hard for me to explain. But it’s like you’re gone as my friend now. And you’re here as…something else, and I haven’t gotten used to it yet.”
He caught her face between his hands. “I will always be your friend. No matter what happens. I’ve abandoned you before. I’m never doing that again. I promise.”
“Good, because let me warn you now, I can’t go back to that,” she said, tears welling in her eyes as she looked up at him. “Not seeing you or talking to you. It was more like hell than anything he put me through. I’m so scared of that happening again.”
“I feel the same way. It won’t. It won’t happen again.” He drew her face to his chest, stroking her hair and shushing her. Her arms tightened around him, but she seemed to relax into him everywhere else. And he whispered repeated nonsense meant to soothe her, though he knew it wouldn’t. He’d hurt her, in his own way, just like Todd had. She shouldn’t trust him any more than she did her ex-husband. All he could do was try to show her that he meant what he said. Show her every day from now on.
“Evan?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry. Talk about ruining the mood.”
“We’ll get it back, honey.” He nuzzled his mouth against the top of her head. “Soon as you spend the day like this, in my lovin’ arms.”
She grinned up at him, standing on her tiptoes for a kiss. “I think that’ll do the trick.”
“I don’t know about you, but this is my idea of the perfect vacation,” Evan murmured in Kelsey’s ear that night, tracing her lower lip with the tip of his finger. “Eat, sleep, fuck, lie on the beach.”
Kelsey gasped and giggled, snuggling closer to his warmth. It was an accurate description, blunt as it was. The rainstorm had battered the island most of the day, so they’d spent a majority of it cuddled in bed, napping, watching movies and ordering room service as the thunder rumbled and the rain poured down. Evan had even dragged her out on the lanai and they’d made out on the lounge, sprinkled with the cool splattering of raindrops blown in by the wind. Anyone who might have been watching wouldn’t have seen much, but still it had been thrilling.
By the time it had cleared somewhat that evening, they’d been too zapped by their own inactivity to do much more than hang out on the sodden beach…and eat some more. She’d probably gained ten pounds on this trip. Even so, if she were bound and forced to name a single day as her favorite of the entire vacation, this one would have to be near the top. Except for those few strange minutes in the kitchen, it was so much like old times…the dreary weekends they’d spent watching movies and generally being useless because there was nothing else to do. Or nothing else they wanted to do.
Now, there was the intimacy she’d always craved back then but could never have, the holding hands, the touches, the stolen kisses. It should have been paradise within paradise. Only paradise had a deadline, and it was approaching in a couple of days. They needed to talk, had to talk, and she had no idea how to instigate the conversation she prayed he would bring about himself: what now?
“This has probably been the craziest, scariest, sexiest, most emotionally exhausting and unbelievably orgasmic vacation I ever had,” she admitted, taking a stab in the dark and hoping to hit her target.
He laughed. “Aw, sweetie, I meant to give you such a nice, relaxing time.”
“This is better. Way, way better.”
He traced his finger down over her chin. “Well, that orgasmic part? I’m about to bring that to the forefront. Again.”
“Oh, God…”
So much for meaningful conversation. She wondered if, after that episode this morning, he only began making love to her to shut her up.
It was an effective technique and one she couldn’t say she minded. He kissed her, a sweet, languid caressing of lips, his hands stroking down her bare back. She smoothed her palms over his chest, his shoulders, slipping her tongue into the rich flavor of his mouth as her n**ples pebbled against his flesh. He groaned as his hand followed the curve of her hip and slipped into the crease of her bottom. His fingertips lined the cleft until he found her pooling moisture, and Kelsey’s heart skittered. She snuggled closer to him as his erection slid against her thigh.
“See what you do to me?”
“Mmm, I like it,” she whispered.
He slid his hand around to the front and urged her onto her back. “Open your legs.”
She did.
“Wider.”
“Evan…”
“Give me everything, baby girl, remember?”
He already had every part of her. The very nuclei of her cells cried out for him. She whimpered as two of his fingertips slid delectably over her clit, the too-light pressure urging her h*ps upward into his touch. And then he didn’t have to coax her. She opened herself fully as his lips sought and found her nipple, locking around it with a gentle suction that had her arching her back and grasping his hair.
“If you keep doing that…I’m going to come.”
His eyes flashed up at her. “Then come. It won’t be the last time, I promise.” He pushed his fingers into her p**sy, and she felt her own wetness glide against them as her muscles clenched and she moaned.
“I love it when you make that sound,” he said. “You only make it when part of me is inside you.” He pushed deeper. “I love how you love this.”