I know its selfish to ask you to stay, so I wont, but that doesnt mean Im not going to miss a good friend like crazy.
Friend, he repeated, like it was a curse. Friend. This time when I pul ed back from him, he let me go. I never thought Id hate that word so much, but if thats al I can have of you, Il take it.
He extended his hand, his shoulders stiff. So long, friend.
My brows squeezed in confusion. Youre leaving now? Like right now?
He shrugged his answer.
Cant you at least wait until after the Betrothal Bal ? I felt the emotion catching in my throat again, realizing Paul Lowe could be walking out of my life the next moment for goodness only knows how long.
I dont think so, he replied, guarded.
Please, Paul. Stay and have a good time, the world wil stil be there in two days waiting for you. I wanted to grab his hands in mine and squeeze them until he promised hed stay, but lines that were already blurred from Pauls point of view were crossed whenever I initiated a touch with him. No matter the innocence of it, he was an optimist in the worst kind of way for a girl who wanted nothing more than friendship.
I cant, he whispered, hanging his head.
Yes, you can. Please? I didnt care, I was begging now.
He stayed silent, contemplating, so I went in for the kil . Please stay. For me?
His eyes closed. I cant, Bryn. Please dont ask me again to stay around to watch you Betrothed to another man, because theres nothing I wouldnt do for you, including staying behind if thats what you real y wanted. So dont ask me again unless thats what you real y, real y, really want, because I wil , but it wil break every last friggin piece of my heart that isnt shattered quite yet. One side of his mouth curved up in a contrived smile as he stared me straight on, waiting for my answer.
Have a safe trip, I whispered, letting him go, knowing deep in my heart it was the right thing to do. Il miss you. I leaned in for one more hug that was reciprocated with such rawness from Paul my words were choked at the source. I was tired of good-byes. There was no good reason to vocalize it anyways; it was heavy in every inch of our embrace.
Thank you, he said, letting out a sigh that surpassed relief. Putting his hands on my shoulders, he broke us free of our embrace looking like the most tortured creature Id ever seen. Youve got a man to get back to. Tel him he better take care of the woman we love or else Il happily resurface from whatever remote corner of the universe the Council intends on sending me just so I can kick his perfect little ass.
I laughed, no lightness in it. Im sure that wil go over wel .
Giving me a final smile, he headed towards the slider door leading off the kitchen. Sliding it open, a gust of cool November air forced its way into the house, giving me a chil despite the Immortality perk to sunny and seventy forever. I knew he was going to say something else, Paul and I had shared enough life experience together for me to know that, I just wasnt sure what the nature of it would be.
When his face turned ful -on to mine with a grin starring in his impish expression, I knew we were past the heavy. Just in case youre looking for any male opinions as to honeymoon lingerie . . . he trailed on, his eyebrows doing an al out peak, that little bra and panty number you just modeled for me is bangin. His smile slid up higher to dimple ignition. Pun absolutely intended. See ya around, Bryn, he said, throwing himself out the door the next instant, leaving me behind with the chil night air and an ocean of guilt.
See you around, Paul, I whispered to no one.
CHAPTER THREE
A STALL FOR TWO
Id bul eted out of Joseph and Coras so quick you would have thought John Townsend had sicked every last one of his thugs on me. After Paul left, the house felt empty, hol ow, and a part of me did, too.
Not because I doubted my devotion to Wil iam, but because the feelings Paul had for me were stil very real and significant. Id blanketed myself with the warm fuzzy that, after Paul saw me back together with Wil iam, and once he became enamored by the al -too-impressive single women in our Al iance, Id be a distant memory.
That had been the easy way to look at it, but life was never easy.
The only thing I wanted to do was run straight into Wil iams arms and stay there until the cocktail of pain, hurt, and guilt I felt had been washed away. I was lucky enough I had someone to comfort me, but who did Paul have? He was hurting just as badly, if not worse, than I was and the person whose arms he wanted to have comfort him was running in the opposite direction of him to find solace in another mans arms.
How had I managed to make such a mess of things with Paul? Just thinking about al the wrong turns Id made with him brought on a new wave of tears, but the emotional overload couldnt have hit at a better time.
The barn was a few yards away and would be a welcome hide-out to recompose myself before I made my way back to Wil iam, who Id already left waiting too long on this should-have-been magical night . . . and darn it if I hadnt forgotten the dress that, if I hadnt gone searching for it in the first place, I wouldnt be feeling the way I was now.
If I wasnt convinced already, dresses were the devil.
Id promised to return as radiant as Bryn-possible and had returned a hot mess sporting mens pajamas and puffy red-rimmed eyes.
I grabbed a few apples from the barrel and made my way down to a stable that was the horse equivalent of the corner office. Wil iam indulged the fil y, almost as much as he did me, so much so shed turned her nose up if someone had the audacity to offer her an apple with even the smal est of bruises.
She greeted me with a courtesy neigh, although she made it a point of looking inconvenienced that her sleep was interrupted by the offering of a mere three apples.
Sorry to disturb your beauty sleep, your highness, I said, sliding an apple through the gate. She took it begrudgingly, chomping at it like it was the least impressive apple shed ever tasted.
Bryn, a concerned voice cal ed out from behind. What are you doing in here? Wil iam paused, perusing my attire with narrowed eyes. And should I be concerned that youre wearing my brothers underwear?
Sorry, Il be right there, I said, careful not to meet his eyes. I just need a minute.
Are you crying? he asked, coming towards me.
No, Im fine. I turned my back on him, swiping my sweatshirt sleeves across my eyes.
Yeah, Wil iam huffed, gripping my arms and spinning me back towards him. Heard that one before. He took one look at my face and his lined with worry. What happened? He drew me to him, surrounding me with the comfort that natural y exuded from him.
Its . . .”I didnt want to tel Wil iam I was crying over another guy on his first night home, but more than that, I didnt want to lie to him”Its Paul, I said, sighing into his shirt.
His body tensed. What did he do? he asked, almost snarling. This time?
Wil iams reaction had me doubting my decision to keep what was upsetting me to myself. Wil iam had the patience of a saint, but hearing one word from me about Paul Lowe had a way of extinguishing it. It seemed even a saint had their limits when it came to a guy relentlessly pursuing his woman.
I bit my lip, drawing Wil iamhome™s attention to them. His eyes flashed fire. Did he try to kiss you again? His voice was murderous.
What? No, I said, emphasizing the calm in my voice. Of course not. After the warning Id given Paul this past summer after hed mauled me mouth-first, I could say with certainty he feared my wrath more than Wil iams.
The fire dimmed the smal est amount in his eyes. Did he lay one unwanted finger on you?
Oh, men. It was like there was no sin more unforgivable than one man hitting on another mans woman. Testosterone was as irrational as it was incendiary.
No, I said, sounding more exasperated than Id intended. Wil iam, please calm down.
Because, so help me god, Il rip his arms off and beat him with the bloody stumps if he even thought about” Hes leaving, I whispered, silencing his outrage with three soft syl ables.
His eyes relaxed as he swept my hair behind my ears. I know.
You knew? I asked, leaning back from him. Why wouldnt you have told me?
His face formed around an expression that shouted, Really? For starters, because Ive had a whole five minutes with you since Ive returned and I didnt want to waste one second of those precious few discussing Paul Lowe. And second, because it was his place to tel you, not mine. The anger had leaked out of his voice, but in its place was concern. Are you upset with me?
I looked into his eyes, drowning in worry. Of course not, I answered honestly. Im upset at myself.
Now why in the world would you be upset with yourself over Paul leaving? he asked, loosening his tie with one hand, coming to terms that there was no recovering from the detour this night had taken.
We both know hes leaving because of me, I said, looking down. But one of us is thril ed and one of us is tortured.
Youre right, I am thril ed hes leaving. He didnt yield to my glare. Its better for you, for me, and for him if he leaves.
For him? I repeated, not convinced Paul going to some unknown location with unknown people was in his best interest.
Wil iam nodded. A man can only take so much before he breaks. Judging from the location I noticed Pauls head hanging, his breaking point is about one Betrothal Bal away. The affectionate tone Wil iam was delivering his words with couldnt soften the truth. And I was about one more once-over stare from him directed at you from reaching my breaking point. A smile curled up one side of his mouth, but it was forced. But if I might inquire into the source of your torture? Is it because you feel guilty he is leaving or . . .”he swal owed, eyes drifting to the side”or is it because you maybe . . .
might have . . . some kind of feelings for him? His voice neared a whisper by the end of it.
Stil the doubt in him. I didnt know how much more of my unfailing love it would take to convince him, but I wouldnt give up, no matter how long or how much it took. He was worthy of my best efforts”and then some.
Wil iam Hayward, you are the only person who doesnt see you for who you are, I said, shaking my head. The only person I have those kinds of feelings youre referring to,”I fit my hands around his face”is you. I placed a tender kiss on each of his cheeks. I feel tortured because Paul feels such pain because of me. I cant even begin to imagine how it would feel if”having the feelings I do for you”I had to watch you love another woman, knowing there was nothing I could do or say to change your mind. I felt the waterworks threatening to switch on again. Im not saying Paul has the kinds of feelings I have for you”of course he doesnt . . . he couldnt. I shuddered at the thought of how it would feel to have that kind of love unreciprocated. But if he even feels one-hundredth of what I feel for you, it must be unbearable to see us together.
His hand slid under my hair to massage my neck. Oh baby, I know you intended that to be sobering, but that might have been the most beautiful thing Ive heard.
If that was the most beautiful thing youve ever heard,”I rose an eyebrow”coming from the mouth of a woman sporting menswear in the middle of a stinky, hot barn”
Also known as the woman who wil have my last name soon, he interjected, like it was the proudest of things. Yes, I didnt have any doubt Id be a Hayward soon . . . just, please, to everything holy in the universe, not because of the pale-haired charmer who could never love anyone more than himself.
I kept going, not letting his condition or my paranoid critic sidetrack me. Love hasnt only blinded you, it has made you deaf as wel .