Lying isnt real y your thing, babe, I said. But dont worry. Il be back in a jiff and closer to the radiance factor when I return.
I jetted through the dark fields and, despite the formidable speed I was harnessing, part of me wished Id been bestowed with Patricks gift of teleportation. It would make things so much more bearable when Wil iam was gone al the time.
The house was dark save for the porch light, so the girls must have made a detour to Abigails first and Josephs man night with Patrick, Nathanial, and Hector must have been extended, so Id have the house al to myself. Which would make it that much easier to get in and out in record time.
I turned the shower on and rushed to my bedroom, pul ing the dress from its hanger so fast it spun around the pole like a helicopter blade until it fel to the floor. I slid the top drawer of my dresser open and grabbed the first couple of things that were on top, but then an image of Wil iam dressed in a tailored suit, flowers in hand, surrounded by candlelight popped to mind. I dropped the mismatched cotton numbers and returned to the closet.
Id been stockpiling lacey, silky, sheer, so-on-and-so-forth unmentionables the past month with the new roundabout promise Charles had made Wil iam and me regarding our impending Betrothal. Partly because the power of positive thinking couldnt hurt, partly because Id never gone this kind of lingerie shopping before and it was pretty fun, and partly because a girl needed a significant col ection when they spent an eternity with the man whod be taking the painstakingly selected numbers off.
Digging through my most recent purchases in the pink striped bag, I settled for one of the tamer bra/panty combos, pul ed the tags off, and sprinted back to the bathroom. I made even the fastest of clothes shedders seem slow when I shrugged out of mine and, while the water streaming down my body felt amazing, it managed to feel more like a necessary evil when I knew it was keeping me from Wil iam.
In the same blink of an eye, the shower was off, my skin dried, and my hair was detangled via my fingers. I slid into and fastened on the pale pink matching under-outfit, appraising the way a couple of inanimate items could lift, smooth, and basical y transform a sneaker-enthusiast like myself into something almost . . . sexy.
My throat went dry despite knowing tonight wouldnt be the night al that was within them would be discovered, but knowing that night was coming as soon as itd had ever been . . . rumors of me becoming Mrs. Patrick Hayward aside.
Needing a cool glass of water to wet my throat and cool the flames rushing into every layer of my body, I ran down to the kitchen. Keep it together, Bryn. No one needs to know youre wearing these weapons of male distraction, I said, talking to myself. It wil be like a practice run, I assured myself, fil ing a glass.
Now how do I join that practice run? a voice cal ed out from the dark behind me.
I dropped the cup in the sink, spinning around shock-faced, realizing too late I was nak*d save for the scraps of fabrics that, instead of covering, seemed to highlight the areas they were stretched over.
Hot damn, woman, Paul said, jaw dropping before it formed around a low whistle. That man you have it bad for is one lucky schmuck.
Paul! I yel ed, the only reprimand I put together as I jogged towards the laundry room praying Cora had left something”dirty or clean”that could save me from another once-over from Paul.
Extremely lucky, he crooned, eyes latched onto certain areas of my body that were bouncing in rhythm to my escape.
You are a pervert, I cal ed back once Id made it into the laundry room. Youre lucky Wil iams not here or else he would gladly be removing your eyes from their sockets as we speak.
Yeah, yeah. I get hes the honorable one and Im the dog, Paul said, pacing around the kitchen. But I can guarantee you he wouldnt have covered his eyes if youd come bouncing down the stairs and he was the one waiting for you instead.
Whatever you need to tel yourself to feel better, I snapped, knowing he was probably right. However, one of my truest friends, who I wanted nothing more than friendship from and he wanted that and more, much more, was the one person I didnt want to see me near nak*d.
The look that had fal en over his face”rugged, untamed desire”was exactly the reason why. Paul knew how I felt about Wil iam and I didnt doubt that he wanted me happy with whoever I decided on, but that hadnt stopped him from trying to wedge in between us whenever chance had presented itself this past month. You could have let out a customary Hello or Hey, Im lurking in the shadows of a dark kitchen, I said, offering my silent thanks to Cora when I found a clean pair of Josephs boxers and a wel -loved Stanford sweatshirt neatly folded on top of the dryer.
I could have, he replied, continuing to pace around the kitchen. But would you have stil come prancing down the stairs looking like a lingerie model?
Of course not, I answered, sliding into Josephs pajamas. Judging from how long he and Cora had been apart today, he wouldnt be needing them tonight anyways.
Thats why I didnt shout out a warning. I could hear the impish grin on Pauls face.
I let out a grumble. I dont need Wil iam to detach your eye sockets. I know how to operate a melon scooper.
Yes, Im very wel aware of how capable you are to take care of yourself and how vicious your delivery can be. Pauls voice was light, but it was forced.
You said it, I said, making a concerted effort to put on an unaffected face. So keep that in mind next time youre considering turning into a peeping tom.
Paul laughed. That wasnt peeping, Bryn. That was unapologetic, wide-eyed staring. Theres a rather large difference.
Youre right, there is. I pul ed open the door, meeting his gaze that fel on me immediately. He looked just as annoyed as Id been relieved finding Josephs would-have-been pajamas. A peep I might have been able to forgive, a five second long stare I cant.
Oh, please, Paul said, leaning against the counter crossing his arms. It must be exhausting to keep up that unfailing act of pretending you wouldnt be with me right now if it wasnt for him.
Okay, that was one reply I was not expecting from him. It threw me and I lost whatever comment I was going to throw back in his face.
I thought Id made it clear to him that this kind of talk was off limits, but Paul was as persistent as he was direct and made an art form of âde an adX€forgetting certain requests of mine that didnt align with his goals. What are you doing here? I asked, playing ignorant of his last comment.
I needed to see you, he said, scanning the room with feigned interest. I needed to tel you something.
Wel , youve certainly seen me, I said, adjusting Josephs boxers lower so they covered more of my skin. Please, tel away.
He was staring at me again, eyes soft and smile amused from my attempts at sounding stern. He looked like he was in no hurry to divulge why he was here. He seemed perfectly content to lean against that counter and stare-slash-smile at me al night long. Problem was, I had somewhere else I wanted to be al night long.
Not to be rude, Paul, but if youve got nothing to say, Ive got to get going. Wil iams waiting” Just cool your jets for two minutes, Bryn, Paul interrupted, the corner of his mouth twitching. Im supremely aware that youd rather be with him than with me, but Il make it short.
That wil be the day, I mumbled. Short conversations and Paul Lowe were mutual y exclusive entities.
Wel , heres that day, he said, smiling tightly at me. Good. Bye. Bryn. That short enough for you?
Id heard him say it a hundred times before, maybe even a thousand with the way he made sure to let me know whenever he was leaving, even if it was just a trip downstairs, like it was his way of making sure he kept himself in the forefront of my mind. However, this time when he said it, there was something hopeless and final about it.
But since I was the master at jumping to the worst of conclusions, I let the new, more positive Bryn reply, Good-bye. Il see you tomorrow night. It sounded as unsure as I felt, but Paul wasnt known for his skil at picking up female nuances.
He rol ed his eyes at my attempts; so Id not been as subtle as Id thought. That good-bye I just issued was one of those final kinds. You should be jumping for joy right about now.
Okay, back it up, I said, inhaling. Why are you handing out final good-byes? It took a valiant effort to stay composed, to keep the emotions buried so I could approach this rational y, but I wouldnt be able to hold them down much longer.
His eyes cut through me. You know why.
Those were the three words that broke me. Tears stung the surface instantly. I know what you want, Paul, and I wish I could give it to you . . .”the first tear skied down my cheek”but I cant. I thought you knew that.
His face twisted as he watched another tear escape. Dont you think I know that? I tel my brain to get over you and it listens. I tel my heart the same and it laughs, he said, his voice tight. Do you think I like feeling this way? Watching you head-over-heels, hardcore, al -over in love with some other guy while I stand around like some pathetic loser, my life measured by each smile you send my way?
Paul, please, I said, close to begging. I knew Paul had felt something for me, but Id chosen to believe wed put that behind us, but he was choosing to put it very much before us again. I cant, you know I cant. If I could, I would, but I love him. Il always love him.
Something of a wince pul ed Pauls face tight. I hated hurting him, especial y when hed done nothing other than love me, but I knew the crueler of my two options with him would have been to string him along, to let him think there was hope in waiting in the wings.
That was a lost cause the day a certain Wil iam Hayward entered my life. Im so, so, so very sorry, I said, wishing I could erase myself from Pauls life so he wouldnt have to feel the pain I was watching play across his face. So he could go on with the rest of his eternity, making another woman happier than she ever thought she could be. I knew Paul would be that kind of companion, the one in a mil ion, but he wasnt meant for me. I wasnt meant for him.
I know, I know, he said, rushing towards me. He pul ed me into his arms, cinching them so tight around me it felt like he was trying to keep both of us from fal ing apart. Im not looking for an apology or an explanation or a pep talk. Im just putting it al out there because thats what I do. Im a lost cause for preserving my delicate male ego.
I sniffed, trying not to drench his shirt in tears and snot. More like a glutton for punishment.
He tucked his chin over my head, inhaling deeply. That too. But only for you.
Youre going to make a woman very happy one day, I said, letting him pul me tighter to him.
He humphed. Says the woman who wont ever be her.
What am I going to do without you dousing gut-wrenching guilt over me every day? I teased, feeling that the wave of emotions had crested.
Youre real y not going away are you?
He nodded into my head. As far as I can get.
Where? I asked, wiping my forearm over my eyes.
Wherever the airline ticket the Council approved for me says.
You havent looked yet? I asked, dumbfounded.
Nah, I wanted to see you first. Besides, theres nowhere worse they can send me than I can feel right now.
I laughed darkly. You do realize our Council has a twisted sense of humor, right? Who knows where you could end up?
Good point, he said, pul ing me back to him when I tried to weave out of our embrace.
I didnt fight him this time. It sounded like I wouldnt be fighting with him again for a long time. How long wil you be gone?
However long it takes to finish up my training, find Immortal nirvana, find a cure for cancer, fix the hole in the ozone layer, and fal out of love with you. He sighed. Could take an eternity. Good thing thats what Ive got.