His eyes fell to where Kyle was taking a year of his life to line up a shot at the pool table. They were playing opposite a couple of other SAS soldiers, Nathan and Davis. Both were new to the Regiment, if you counted just over two years new. They’d only seen one season of deployment, but that would change. Ryan would be on his fourth soon and their deployment rotations kept coming around so thick and fast it was almost making him dizzy trying to keep up with two separate worlds.
Ryan waved his empty glass, and Kyle’s eyes tilted upwards from where he leaned over the table, pool cue in his hands. “Another drink?” Ryan shouted.
Kyle gave a nod and went back to dicking around with the angle of his shot.
“Hurry the f**k up, Brooks,” Nathan complained where he stood by the pool table. Nathan was a big guy—tall and built—so him weaving a little unsteadily told Ryan he must have been drinking since the early afternoon. “You wearing your Grandma’s panties tonight?”
Davis smirked, beer in hand as he leaned against the same wall as Ryan. “He’s just waiting for some guy to pin him on the table and drill his ass.”
Kyle grinned as he finally lined up the shot, refusing to rise to the bait. “Have you seen my ass? Anyone would want to tap that.”
Ryan would’ve laughed if he didn’t feel so sick inside. Kyle met his eyes for a brief moment before taking his shot. The red ball sank hard and fast into the corner pocket as Ryan walked around the table towards the bar.
When he returned with a new round, Kyle moved to his side. “Christ, Kendall. Could you be any less tense?” he said instead of throwing slurs to distract Nathan as he watched him line up his shot. “What the hell is up with you?”
Ryan tossed back the scotch in his hand and picked up the beer chaser. “Fin and I are over.”
Kyle didn’t give anything away except his knuckles whitening around his bottle. “You wanna tell me why?”
“Not really,” Ryan muttered.
“So tell me anyway.”
Ryan swallowed, watching Nathan drop a green ball into the pocket with a loud whoop and point his finger victoriously at the two of them. Kyle ignored him as he waited for Ryan to speak.
“Fin’s been accepted into a research program with the Climate Change Research Centre.”
Kyle arched a brow. “Well that’s f**king awesome, right?”
Ryan nodded, letting pride make its way to the surface. Goddamn, but his girl was going to get her PhD and wage her own war. The work she would do would give her a voice in the world, and for her, people would stop to listen. “It is.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“It’s four years.”
They watched Nathan sink another shot and high five Davis before taking a swig of beer and returning to the table. “Well, nothing worthwhile is ever easy.”
“It’s in Sydney.”
“Oh fuck,” Kyle breathed.
Nathan’s next shot rebounded hard, and the ball coasted into the middle of the table. “You’re up!” he yelled at Ryan over the loud noise of the bar.
“In a minute,” Kyle told Nathan.
“You’re kidding, right? Just hurry up and take the damn shot, Kendall!”
“In a goddamn, f**king minute,” Kyle growled angrily.
Nathan blanched at Kyle’s sudden fury. Kyle was difficult to rile. Everything rolled off his back with an effortless grin, making him a hot commodity to have in your team, just like Jake had been.
Ryan put a hand on Kyle’s arm. “I’ll take the shot, Brooks.”
Shifting around the table, he rapidly sank their last two balls, followed it with the black, and won the round in five minutes.
“Fuck,” Davis moaned. “Who suggested we play you two bastards?”
Kyle rubbed his thumb over his fingers with a grin. “Pay up, losers.”
They both slid notes across the table. “Let’s play again. Double or nothing.”
Davis growled at Nathan. “Are you stupid?”
“That’s likely,” he replied with a laugh.
Ryan nodded. The pool and the alcohol were busy making everything numb, and he needed that right now. “We’ll give you a head start by letting you break,” Ryan told them. “You’ll need it.”
Kyle and Ryan returned to their tall bar table by the wall as Nathan and Davis set up the next round of play.
“Four years is a long time, but like I said before, nothing worthwhile is ever easy.”
“Nothing’s ever been easy for Fin and I,” he replied, his chest burning at the admission. “I guess some things aren’t meant to be. I mean, how the f**k long is this war going to drag on for? It could be years before the Government decides to pull our troops out. That would mean what—I’d see Fin a total of eight weeks over the next four years with her living in Sydney?” He ground his jaw as he tried not to think about it. “I won’t have her putting her life on hold because I can’t be there with her and …”
Kyle downed the last of his beer and set the empty bottle on the table. “And what?”
“And I can’t ask her to stay.”
“No you can’t,” Kyle agreed, “but—”
“You’re up, Brooks,” Davis called out after breaking and dropping two balls.
Glaring at the interruption, Kyle picked up the pool cue and twisted it in his hands. “Does she want to stay?”
Ryan nodded once, the movement abrupt.
“Well then.”
“She has to go.”
Disbelief made Kyle’s eyes wide. “You can’t make the decision for her.”
“I can.” Ryan folded his arms. “This is everything she’s ever worked for. If you think I’m going to let her throw that away on me, then you’ve got more than one screw loose.”
“No talk of screwing while I’m stuck in this bar with you and those two meatheads,” he said, waving a hand over at Nathan and Davis. He took a step towards the pool table and looked at Ryan over his shoulder. “So what now?”
“Now I’m back on base for the next two weeks and after that…” Ryan swallowed down the ache in his throat “…she’ll be gone.”
Chapter Seventeen
Fin woke to sunlight streaming through her room and an empty bed. She jolted upright as the events of last night flooded through her. Turning on her side, she grabbed for her phone off the bedside table. She dialled Ryan’s number but when it went straight to message, anxiety clouded every other emotion. He was avoiding her?
She sank into bed, rubbing gently at the tender bump on the back of her head. The fall had scared her. Fin had no clue how long she’d been out for, but when she came to, Ryan hadn’t returned. Feeling like her head was splitting open, she barely managed to tidy up the broken glass and drag herself to bed.
Picking up her phone again, she flicked through her contacts and dialled.
“Dr. Jensen’s office, Trudy speaking.”
“Trudy, it’s Fin.”
“Fin, honey!” Fin could hear the wide smile in Trudy’s voice. She’d worked reception for Fin’s family doctor for as long as she could remember. “How you doin’, girl?”
“Oh, you know.” Fin waved her hand airily before she slumped into the soft covers.
“No, I don’t know, honey, so tell me.”
“Just busy working.”
“How’s that hot man of yours?”
“You know about Ryan?”
“Of course I do. I ran into Julie down at the supermarket last week and she may have mentioned something in passing.”
Fin shook her head, knowing that Trudy would have drilled her mother for every last detail and her mother would have happily complied. “Well, anyway, I need to make an appointment.”
“Sure thing.” Fin heard tapping at the computer before Trudy spoke again. “She’s not free for another three days. How does Thursday morning suit?”
Fin sighed, rubbing at her brow. She’d have to shuffle things around at work and she had a report due. “That’s fine.”
Trudy rattled off the exact date and time, and after committing it to memory, Fin hung up the phone and tossed it carelessly across the bed.
She lifted up onto her elbow and peeked out the blinds of the front window. His car was still gone. Did Ryan go back to base?
Sitting up, a wave of nausea rocked her and she leaned over, moaning. Shit. She grabbed at her phone again with a sigh and rang in at work to let them know she wouldn’t be in. Now what? Was she supposed to sit idly around in bed and wait for Ryan to call? Thumbing through her contacts, she dialled again.
“Fin,” came the breathless reply.
“What are you doing?” she asked Rachael.
“Fuck, shit, dammit,” Rachael replied, exasperation making her voice sharp.
“What?”
“I’ve just ripped a hole in my spare pair of stockings, and when I ironed my skirt this morning, it left a long brown stain down the back. I think I need a new iron. And a new skirt,” she added.
“Okay.”
“So what are you doing ringing me on a Monday morning. Been at the office for hours already and finished for the day?”
“No, I’m not working today.”
“Day off?” Fin heard stomping. “Dammit. I’m out of milk. Why did I get out of bed this morning? Remind me.”
“Because you have an obscene love of foreign tax that does wild things to your girly bits?”
Rachael snorted. “Yeah, sure.”
“Actually, I don’t feel so good. Taking a sick day today.”
Fin could almost hear Rachael’s jaw dropping open as the sound of a fridge door slamming shut came through the line. “But … you never take a sick day. Remember that time when you spent the morning vomiting in your recycling bin and they forced me to come collect you? That was gross. Don’t do that again.”
“I don’t plan on it.”
“So what’s wrong?”
“I just feel sick. I don’t know.”
“Well tell Ryan to make you a nice cup of umm … what tea is good for when you feel sick?”
“He’s not here.”
“Training exercise again? Christ, they do a lot of those.”
“No,” she mumbled. “We had a fight last night and he left.”
“What do you mean he left? Is he coming back?”
“I’m not sure.” Fin tried to be pissed off, but it wasn’t happening. She just felt tired. “Go to work, Rachael. I’ll talk to you a bit later, okay?”
“Ring me later,” she demanded.
Fin hung up the phone with another sigh and dragged herself out of bed to feed Crookshanks.
Ryan groaned as the alarm beside the bed screamed wildly. He was going to smash the bloody thing and bury it in the backyard behind Fin’s veggie patch. Only half awake, he rolled over and planted his fist in it hard. The shrieking increased, bringing him fully awake. He took in the small room at the barracks and remembered why he was here and not in bed with Fin, running his hands over her smooth, bare skin, letting the warmth of it seep into his bones and take the chill of his nightmares away.