Closure — that’s what he hadn’t gotten with her and that’s why he was obsessed.
That’s it, he realized. He just needed some kind of closure. But how was he going to manage that when there was no way he could see Shannon casually and then break it off when he bored of her company? He had his daughter to consider now. He couldn’t just use his daughter’s mama for his own pleasure and then discard her. He scrubbed his hands across his face and flagged a taxi once he hit the main highway.
So, he was right back where he started.
Fucked — and not in the feel-good way.
Fabulous.
-6-
For reasons she didn't really want to examine too closely, Shannon spent an inordinate amount of time picking the right outfit for both herself and Aubrey. What did it matter? It wasn’t as if they were interviewing for a job. But when she spent an extra moment fixing her hair and making sure her makeup was just right she resigned herself to the knowledge that she cared what Nolan thought.
Nolan arrived promptly and she was surprised to see a picnic basket in his hand. "What's that?" she asked, privately delighted that he'd been so considerate as to bring food. "You didn't have to bring a picnic."
"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to. Besides, what if we get hungry? I, for one, am a big fan of food."
"So is Aubrey. She gets very grouchy when she's hungry," Shannon admitted, flashing Nolan a small smile. "Okay, I guess we’re ready. Let's go." She leaned down to pick up Aubrey and she could tell by the look in his eye that he wanted to offer but didn't. In a way she was glad, she wasn't ready for him to hold her. Somehow, she knew if she saw Aubrey in Nolan's arms, the tears wouldn't be far behind.
When they got to her beat up sedan, Nolan did a double take and stared hard at the old car, plainly displeased with her ride. "This is what you drive?" he asked. "Is this even safe?"
"Of course it's safe it's just not pretty." She opened Aubrey's door and winced when a loud screech followed. "And it just needs a little WD-40 on the hinges." She made quick work of snapping Aubrey into her car seat and then they climbed in the car. "I had plans to buy a new car this year but something else came up," she said, thinking of the $5,000 she’d given the attorney. "But it's a good car. And besides, as long as it gets me from Point A to Point B that's all I need."
"All that's holding this car together is rust."
"Every car in the Bay Area has some kind of rust; it doesn't mean it's not a good car," Shannon insisted. "It gets good gas mileage and it's paid off, which makes it A-OK in my book."
Nolan didn't seem to appreciate her logic but remained silent. She wasn't sure if she trusted that silence. She could see the wheels turning in his mind and she didn't like the direction. "I like my car, okay? Leave it at that."
She wasn't lying, per se. But she knew that the time had come for her to buy a new car. Lately, her trusty little sedan had been making frightening noises that sounded like something crucial was about to abandon ship. Please don't break down, not today, she prayed.
"So where are you staying?" she asked, making conversation as she drove in the hopes of diverting the conversation away from the obvious shortcomings of her vehicle.
"At the Fairmont," he answered, his brow still furrowed in thought as he watched the scenery go by.
"Of course, a five-star hotel. When you can afford the very best why go with economy, right?"
"I didn’t make the travel arrangements, my secretary did. But, yes, I usually stay in the nicest hotels. They have better shampoo," he added with a wink that made her stomach muscles jump. "Honestly, I don't care where I stay as long as the bed is comfortable. I don't usually spend all that much time in the hotel anyway."
"It seems silly to spend all that money on a room that you're just going to sleep in," Shannon said. "Personally, I like to spend as little as possible on the hotel rooms so I have the money to spend on activities when I go on vacation."
"Where have you gone on vacation?" he asked.
"Well, nowhere lately but I have been to Oregon and Washington and someday I hope to go to Canada."
"What's in Canada?" he asked, interested.
Should she tell him her goals of landing a bigger hockey gig? It seemed premature to start sharing such personal details but she also knew that her plans would become evident eventually anyway if he remained in her life. She took a deep breath and answered, "Well, they have a major hockey network there. And if I can't get into the NHL, Calgary has a hockey team that's pretty respectable."
"So moving is part of your plan eventually?" he asked.
"Yes," she admitted. "I can't make a living at the minor leagues. I mean, I do okay but I'll want to do better than okay. I want to be able to support Aubrey on my own without having to worry about someone else paying my way."
"If you need money I can give you some."
"I don't want your money. Don't you think if I'd wanted your money I would've called you the minute I found out I was pregnant?" She pointed out. "I accepted the role of single mother and I've been doing just fine on my own. But in order to teach Aubrey how to be self-sufficient I have to be self-sufficient. And that means not accepting a handout from you."
"It's not a handout," he said, frowning. "If I'm her father I will gladly pay child support."
"We have all that we need.”
"What if I don't agree? My daughter deserves the best not just what paltry, bottom of the barrel existence you can give her."
Immediately offended, Shannon was tempted to stomp on the brakes and kick him out of her car. "Are we going to fight all day or we are we going to try to have a nice day together because it's not starting off well," she warned him. "I haven't decided whether or not you are a good influence on Aubrey and throwing money at her is not going to prove to me that you’re a good father."
"And forcing her to live in poverty because of your pride isn’t a sign that you are being a good mother," he pointed out equally irritated. "And I wouldn't just throw money at her. But I would like her to have nice things. Is that so bad?"
She bit her lip, realizing that he'd made a fair point. She agonized when she couldn't buy the things that Aubrey needed and had to scrimp and save for the simplest things, like extra diapers and new clothes. Having Nolan around to smooth the rough spots would certainly be an asset. No! Don't even go there. She was doing just fine on her own; she didn't need Nolan to save her or Aubrey. "Let’s just have a nice day, okay?"