Come on, Becky. Answer.
‘Oh. Oh hi.’ I’m trying desperately to sound cool, but my stupid voice has shot up three octaves. ‘Um, hi! Hi!’
I can’t seem to move off the word ‘hi’.
‘I’ve hired your husband to do some publicity work,’ she says, her lilting voice totally familiar now. ‘But I guess you know that.’
My mind scampers in panic. Do I know? I mean, obviously not officially. But if I say Luke hasn’t told me, does it sound weird? Like he’s not interested or never talks to his wife?
‘It’s so exciting!’ I swallow. ‘I’m a huge fan.’
I want to shoot myself. I sound so lame.
‘It was a bit “out there” as a choice. But, you know, I was so sick of Hollywood bullshitters. Your husband had more sensible ideas for me in ten minutes than any of those bozos.’
I feel a flash of pride. I knew Luke would do a good job.
‘So, I heard about your party,’ Sage adds casually. ‘Sounds like a big deal.’
G’uh? How does she—
‘Y-yes,’ I stutter. ‘I mean, pretty big …’
‘I went on YouTube. Awesome tributes. Then my assistant got the email from Bonnie. You need to distract Luke, right?’
‘Yes! It’s all got out on the internet, and it’s supposed to be a big surprise and—’
‘How about I keep him busy for you?’ says Sage calmly. ‘I could demand he comes to the set. Throw a diva hissy. I can put on a good show. Once he’s at the set we’ll take care of him. Show him around, keep him occupied till you need him. Then we’ll send him off in a car.’
‘Wow.’ I gulp. ‘That would be amazing.’
I am so jealous. I want to go to the movie set. I want to be shown around. I’m frantically trying to think of an essential reason why I should go there too, when she adds, ‘You used to be on the telly, right? Morning Coffee?’
‘Yes!’ I say in amazement.
‘I used to watch you when I was off work. You were funny.’
‘Well … thanks!’ I gulp.
‘We should have a drink some time.’
It’s like the world tips on its side. I grip the phone, wondering if I just dreamed that. Sage Seymour has suggested we have a drink? A top, Oscar-winning movie star has suggested we have a drink? My whole life I’ve fantasized about this moment. I mean, I always felt it was meant to be. Didn’t I say? Didn’t I know all along I was meant to mix with movie stars?
Maybe we’ll become best friends!
Maybe I’ll be a bridesmaid at her wedding. You know, if she gets married or anything. I wouldn’t need to be the one standing next to her. I could be three along.
‘That would be … great.’ I somehow manage to get the words out.
‘Cool. Well, don’t worry about Luke. It’s in hand. And good luck tomorrow! Bye, Becky.’
And just like that, she’s gone. Feverishly I save her number in my phone. Sage Seymour. In my phone. Sage Seymour. Just like she’s any of my friends.
Oh my God, this is so cool.
I’m just sending a quick text to Gary and Bonnie – Good news! Sage Seymour says she will take care of Luke tomorrow till party – when I hear the crackling sound of Luke’s key in the front door. I thrust my phone away and grab a magazine.
OK. Act natural. I have not just been chatting with my new best friend Sage Seymour.
‘Hi there!’ I say, glancing up. ‘Good day? How was Gary?’
‘Fuck knows.’ Luke shakes his head. ‘He was making no sense at all. I’ve told him he needs a holiday.’ He grimaces as he takes off his coat. ‘Bloody hell. My arm. I’ve had five thousand jabs.’
‘Oh dear!’ I say sympathetically. ‘Well, I’m sure they were all necessary. If it’s a matter of your health …’
‘I’ve never known a medical like it. That doctor made me run for an hour.’ He looks incredulous. ‘And there were six questionnaires, all repeating each other. Whoever devises these things is an utter imbecile.’
Davina told me earlier that Luke was the stroppiest patient she’d ever had and that he’d given her a lecture on how inefficient and time-wasting her medical was. Which is fair enough, given that she spun it out for four hours longer than normal.
‘Poor you.’ I stifle a laugh. ‘Well, I’m afraid a whole pile of paperwork arrived for you to read urgently …’
Just in case you thought you were escaping for a minute.
I drag over the box that Bonnie couriered round this afternoon, which is full of contracts and letters. That should keep him busy.
‘Let me get online.’ Luke perks up. ‘Is this my new laptop? Excellent.’
I feel prickles of alarm as he unpacks it from its box. Even though I know it’s safe. They promised me. Sure enough, after a little while, Luke curses again.
‘Bloody thing’s got no internet access!’ He jabs at it a few times. ‘What’s wrong with this bloody server?’
‘Oh dear,’ I say innocently. ‘Never mind. Well, why not just deal with the paperwork? You can sort out your laptop tomorrow. Have you eaten? Would you like some risotto? Janice brought some round.’
I’m just heating up the risotto in the kitchen when I hear Luke’s phone ring.
‘Luke Brandon.’ I can just about hear him answer. ‘Oh, Sage! Hello there. Just wait a minute …’
The living-room door is shut. Damn.
I hesitate for a moment – then tiptoe through the hall and press my ear to the door.