“Whatever. What’s the code?”
“Hmm. How about waves.”
“Waves?”
“Yeah, I’ll just ask you how the waves are. The enthusiasm of your answer will tell me all a best friend needs to know.”
“What if I don’t kiss and tell?”
Lisa only barked with laughter, choosing not to dignify that with a response. “What did your mom say when you finally told her what you were doing?”
Kelsey took on her mom’s screech. “‘Kelsey Ann! Wasn’t he the best man at your wedding!’ You’d think I was planning a bank heist.”
“Oooh, scandal! I love it!” Lisa froze for a moment, then grabbed Kelsey’s hand to place on her stomach. “Feel this. She’s turning cartwheels.”
Kelsey smiled at the sensation pushing insistently under her palm. Emotion welled up in her, not just from her own maternal longings—God, she would probably never get to have kids—but for Lisa and her family, who had been her rock over these past several months. Lisa was the only person Kelsey talked to every day. Most of the friends she’d made here had been Todd’s friends and had followed him after their split……all except for Evan.
Her heart warmed at the thought of him. And then turned so cold it burned. He wasn’t hers, never had been, probably never would be, no matter how many Hawaiian vacations they took together.
She pulled her hand away and impulsively hugged her friend. It was heartfelt, but also an attempt to hide a sudden glimmer of tears. “That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you guys.”
“You’ll get your turn, chick. I know it. You deserve it too much.”
Kelsey blinked away the wetness and pulled back, promptly turning to walk over to her bed where her suitcase lay open. “Well, I only hope you can hold on for a week until I get home. I’d love to be there. You’d better call me, even if I’m still in Hawaii.”
“You know it.”
Lisa left soon after, and she took all pretenses of Kelsey’s good humor with her. Deflated, she turned on her TV for company and began feverishly cleaning her already spotless apartment. There wasn’t much of it to clean. She didn’t want to think, didn’t want to consider what she might have gotten herself into by accepting Evan’s offer. As she’d told Lisa, there couldn’t be a good outcome either way it went.
She straightened the bedcovers she would just mess up again in a couple of hours, dusted her knickknacks, surveyed her closet and contemplated which outfits she could spare to the women’s shelter. There certainly were people in the world suffering far worse situations than she, and helping them in any way never failed to lift her spirits when she was down. Maybe she could go volunteer for a while tomorrow. She desperately needed that lift now, and she needed something to occupy her time on the last full day before she and Evan jetted off.
But her mad housecleaning and good-doing could only keep the thoughts and memories at bay for so long. Once unleashed, they consumed her.
The past couple of weeks had been hard. Feelings she’d managed to bury since Todd’s betrayal had weighed heavy on her since she and Evan had begun to talk more. He often called to check on her, make sure she was managing, see if there was anything she needed. She’d seen him around the courthouse a couple of times while she was filing papers and running errands, and her heart had dropped to the pit of her stomach every time. But those had only been brief, rushed encounters. Despite the pain of it, she wanted to see him, needed to see him. And she had a whole week of him ahead of her. She should be happy. If nothing else, she was getting an opportunity to spend time alone with one of her favorite people in the world.
God, to be so conflicted.
She couldn’t imagine how anyone who knew Evan well could betray him like Todd and Courtney had. Soulless, they were simply soulless. It was the only explanation. Surveying her wardrobe, she absently jerked out the blue blouse she’d been wearing the day she caught them—pathetic that she still remembered what she was wearing—because it had to go. She stuffed it deep into her sack of donations.
Evan inviting her on this trip was just like him, and if she hadn’t accepted, he would have offered it to someone else and expected nothing in return. He came from money—his father owned half their mid-sized Texas town and his mother was like some freaking Italian goddess, but there was no spoiled rich-boy trip with him. Even after the events of last Christmas, he was still upbeat. Still Evan. She didn’t know who the hell she was anymore.
But the last time she’d seen him before his call two weeks ago…oh, God. It had been at her divorce hearing, just one of many events of the past few months that made her want to crawl under a rock and never emerge again. Evan had been in the courtroom for plea bargain hearings. Upon first seeing him as she entered the room, she’d wanted to turn on her heel and flee, wondering simultaneously how she could possibly face him today of all days and how in the hell it was possible for a man to look as comfortable and at ease in a suit as he did in jeans and a T-shirt. But she couldn’t leave and there was no place to hide. Without hesitation he’d come over to hug her, and he’d sat with her when he wasn’t dealing with other attorneys or standing at the bench.
When lunchtime rolled around and they still hadn’t reached her case on the clogged-up docket, he’d insisted on taking her out to lunch, though the thought of food had wrenched her gut. She’d fought tears the entire time: riding with him, sitting in the restaurant, watching his every little move with fascination. Somehow, she’d managed to hold it together. She’d even managed to eat at his prodding.
Seeing him that day had given her strength and torn her apart all at once. She’d been mourning the demise of her marriage, but watching him work—admiring both his ruthlessness with the defense lawyers and his compassion for any victims who were present—had filled her with a heartache so intense not all her tears that day were for Todd. She’d shed a few for what might have been, if she’d only opened her mouth so long ago and told Evan how she felt. If it would have even mattered.
After the judge declared her divorced from Todd later that afternoon and the hearing was closed, she’d ambled back to where Evan sat watching with a tightness to his jaw she’d seen only when he was furious and holding it in. He’d wiped it away as she wordlessly plopped down next to him. And without comment, he’d picked up her hand, turned it over and drawn a little smiley face on her palm with his pen. The gesture had her blinking back tears as she looked up at him, and he’d smiled and kissed her forehead before standing to head back to his office. He’d stayed later than he needed to, just to be there for her.
She’d left that smiley face on her hand until it faded. Should have gotten the thing tattooed on for all the comfort it gave her. Even now she could still feel his fingers holding her hand, the tickle of the pen tip on her flesh.
And that was how Evan had always been. Encouraging her, telling her everything was going to be all right. Any time she’d found herself in a jam back in school, he was there to bail her out, whether it was dropping everything to help her with a paper or escorting a drunken, pawing frat brother away from her at a party.
To hell with it. Kelsey left the depths of her closet and made a beeline for the phone in the kitchen, sending her two cats fleeing in the process. Her fingers tapped out his cell number from memory and her breath froze up in her lungs in anticipation as it began to ring. When she heard it being answered, she nearly choked, and then the sound of his voice sent a shiver down to her toes. It made a stop in several other places along the way.
“Hey, you.”
Oh, God, yes, sin incarnate. Was she pathetic because it gave her a warm glow that he had her number in his contacts? She struggled to sound casual and cheery. “Hi! What are you up to?”
“Not much. Just got home. I’m outside feeding my dogs—” His voice became distant suddenly, as if he’d pulled the phone away from his ear. “Dammit, get off me, you big bastard!”
Laughing, she imagined the scene that was playing out right now. She’d seen it before. Evan had Great Danes. They got so excited when he fed them they nearly took him down every time, and being that they were the size of small horses, sometimes they succeeded. “Are those my babies Zeus and Hera?” she asked.
“Babies, yeah. Ponies, maybe. You want them?”
As usual, he had a way of putting her at ease. Banter she could handle. True feelings—yeah, not so much. “I’m sure my landlord and my cats will love me for that. Dogs bigger than my apartment.”
He chuckled. “I swear one of these days they’re going to knock me down and eat me alive.”
“You shouldn’t starve them so much,” she teased.
“Damn dogs eat more than I do. Hang on just a sec, Kelsey.”
There was a rustling as if he was putting the phone in his pocket, and she had a few moments to ponder the imagery of him being knocked down and eaten alive by her. She could hear doggy grunts and whines and Evan scolding and laughing as he poured what sounded like an entire bag of dog food into their bowls. Then happy smacking sounds abounded.
“Okay, I’m back, dogs nourished. How are you?”
“Fine.”
“Are you sure?”
Was she such an open book? The worst of it was that he knew her well enough that she couldn’t lie to him. It was all those nights back in college—venting to each other about classes, professors and Evan’s various girlfriends until the sun came up—that had given him this keen insight into her soul. Some of the best times of her life, even if he’d never laid a hand on her. “Yeah, just packing, nothing new,” she said. “I just…” Wanted to hear your voice. “I wanted to see what you were up to. Are you excited?”
He scoffed. “Are you kidding? You know I am.” She heard a sound like a door opening and closing. He must have entered his house. “I’m all packed and ready myself. That’s a record for me. I’m usually still throwing stuff in as I head out the door.”
“I’m impressed, then.”
“You should be.” She could hear the smile in his voice and couldn’t resist answering it with one of her own.
“You’re doing the right thing, you know,” he said.
The statement hit just a little too close to home. “Why do you say that?”
“Because a couple of times I’ve got the feeling you think you’re not. We’re going to have a great time, all right?”
“I know that. I’m looking forward to it.”
“Good. So what are you doing right now?”
“Umm…sitting with my hair all in curlers, a green mud mask cracking on my face. It’s not a pretty sight.” An elaborate lie had always been their code for “nothing”.
“Do you want to bring your curlers and mud mask to my house? I can throw a couple of steaks on the grill. We can celebrate our impending departure.”
“Oh…” Momentarily, she lost her breath again. She hadn’t expected this, though she’d been to his house many, many times…only her husband had always been with her, and those two had been grilling the steaks while Kelsey and Courtney tried to find something in common to talk about. They’d always been like two different species, even back in their friendly days.