“Um, no. No ass kicking. Please.” Liesl could do it, though. She was a brute when she wanted to be. And wouldn’t that be awesome to see Celia with her pretty little face bruised and bloodied?
But that hadn’t been the help I’d needed from Liesl. I had another plan in mind. Perching on the coffee table next to where she sat on the floor, I put on my puppy dog eyes. “I was hoping you could come with me to see someone.”
“Oh, Jesus. You’re trying to convert me to stalking too?”
“There’s no stalking.” It wasn’t in the plan, anyway. “I just need to talk to a lady that doesn’t want to talk to me. I’m hoping if I’m not alone, she might be more amicable.”
Liesl grinned, obviously flattered with the request. “You think I’m intimidating, don’t you? You want me to intimidate the f**k out of her.”
“Yeah. Sure.”
Her smile widened.
Then it fell. “God, I don’t know, I don’t know!” She stood up and began walking in a circle. “The whole thing seems really fun. And I want to be a good friend. But I’m not sure if I should be supporting you or putting up a big fat stop sign in your path.” She brought her hands to her forehead, massaging her temples. “What to do, what to do? Maybe we should call Brian.”
I flew up from the table. “You should be supporting me. Please! And we don’t need to call Brian.” I heaved a lungful of air out, trying to calm down. My plan could work without Liesl’s help, but I needed her to understand, at least. Needed her to realize how close to the edge I was, how, as far as I was concerned, this was my last chance. My last chance at sanity.
“Okay. You might be right—this might not be the healthiest of ideas.” I waited until Liesl’s eyes were on mine before continuing. “But here’s the thing—if I don’t take some control over this limbo state that my relationship is in, then I’m going to end up doing the stalking and obsessing and all of that anyway. I’m being proactive. I’m taking a stand for once instead of letting a guy walk all over me. Because if not this, I only have two other choices—let Hudson and me stay in this ‘time apart’ mode, which is asinine and unproductive and really leaves me as a doormat. Or break up. And I’m not ready to lose him.” My lip trembled with the raw honesty. “And I don’t think he’s ready to lose me. Or he would have ended things already.”
Liesl’s eyes grew compassionate. But also concerned. “You are so overthinking this, Laynie.”
I threw my hands emphatically to the side. “No! I’m not. I’m fighting for the guy I love.” My eyes stung with the tears that seemed to be ever-present as of late. “Yes, I’m pissed that he’s not fighting for me, but maybe he doesn’t know how to fight for anyone. Maybe he needs me to show him.”
If Liesl still had reservations, she hid them. “All right, I’m in. What else am I going to do with my afternoon, anyway?”
“Really? Thank you. Thank you!” I hugged her. Though her company wasn’t crucial, I was desperate for it. Her presence helped with the unending loneliness that occupied my heart since Hudson had walked out the door.
When I let her go, she shrugged dismissively. “It’s all good. Besides, this book project is pretty much done.”
I looked around at the mess. There were still a few unmarked stacks that needed to be shelved. That could be done later. “Then I’m ready to go if you are.”
“Yup.” She grabbed her backpack from the couch. “Where we headed, anyway?”
“Greenwich Village.”
I’d told Jordan that I’d be leaving later. I texted him now and found he was already waiting in the parking garage. After grabbing my purse and my cell phone, we stepped in the elevator.
We stood next to each other, leaning against the back wall. Liesl nudged my shoulder. “Have you considered that you might not like what you uncover with all this?”
The sinking feeling in my chest wasn’t just from the descent of the elevator. “I’m pretty certain that whatever it is, it might kill me.” That was the bitch about the situation—Hudson had confessed pretty shitty stuff already. If he couldn’t tell me this, it had to be bad.
So why was I so desperate to find out?
Because that’s who I was. And whatever this was, it was who he was too. “It might kill me, but I need to know. And then I can move on, preferably with Hudson.”
It didn’t fix the bigger problem—Hudson wasn’t being honest with me. But maybe if he realized that I really would love him no matter what, he’d be able to let his last walls come down and we could finally start working on rebuilding our relationship together.
***
Since neither of us had eaten, we stopped to grab souvlakia from a food cart nearby before heading to the Village. By the time we got to Mirabelle’s, it was nearly four. I wasn’t positive that Stacy would still be there, or that she’d be available to talk. Or that she’d answer the bell when I rang. Their clients could only come by appointment. If she wasn’t expecting anyone, would she open the door?
Maybe showing up unannounced was a long shot, but when she’d hung up on me, this was the only way I could think of to get a few questions answered.
At the door, a sudden flashback of the first time I’d been there flooded my memory. I’d been so nervous, standing there waiting with Hudson for his sister to answer. It had been our first outing as a couple—as a pretend couple. The fear that I’d mess up the charade had been immense, but more than that, the sizzling energy between me and the man that stood at my side had threatened to light me on fire. Threatened to consume me.
In the end, it had consumed me, and that was why I was there now—burned and blistered and broken.
Before ringing, I turned to Liesl. “This is where I need you. There’s a peephole. If Stacy looks through it and sees me, I’m not sure she’ll open the door.”
“Cool. I got this.”
I moved to the side of the building and made myself flush with the wall. At my nod, she rang the bell. The door opened almost immediately.
“Hi. Vanessa Vanderhal?” Stacy asked Liesl.
She must have been waiting for a client. Before Liesl could answer, I stepped into view.
“Oh, no. Not you.” Stacy began to shut the door.
But Liesl wedged her shoulder in the entrance before the opening got too narrow. “Hey, she only has a few questions. Nothing that’s going to take more than a few minutes. You’re the only one she can ask. Can’t you help a girl out? Woman to woman?”