And why wouldn’t he be? “Tips from the expert,” I said as I passed him.
“You’re very good at lashing out, precious. It’s interesting that I’m just learning this now.” He was behind me, and he said it quietly, but I heard him all the same.
I held on to his endearment—precious—like it was gold. Like it was the last drop of water in a desert. Like it was a beacon in a dark storm. He couldn’t still call me that and not feel something for me. Could he?
We hurried back to Mira’s room, not speaking or looking at each other. Outside her door, Hudson paused. His hand hung at his side now. I placed mine in it automatically, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Because it was that natural. The way it fit so snugly, so perfectly in his. As if we’d been made to lace our fingers in just that way.
He looked down at where we were joined, studying our hands for long seconds. There was sadness and yearning in his tone when he spoke. “Your hand fits so well in mine, doesn’t it? Like it belongs.”
I had to turn my head in order to fight the tears. He was so in sync with me. Why, why, why were we apart?
“I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” he said. “I apologize. Can you still do this?”
Forcing a smile on my face, I turned back to him. “Yep.”
“Showtime, then.” Hudson led us in, entering with much more zeal than he had earlier. “We’re back.” He headed straight for his sister, placing a sweet kiss on her forehead. “And everything’s fine.”
He was such an excellent liar. I’d known he had to be. I’d seen him pretend to his family about me before. Then I’d convinced myself that his acting was so good because he’d actually felt something for me. Seeing Hudson now, so easily falling into the charade—it stung. How much of the past had been a lie as well?
Mira narrowed her eyes. “I want to hear it from Laynie. I don’t trust you.” She swatted him aside.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed away my heartache and reminded myself this was for Mira. I gave her what I feared could only be taken as a fake grin and slid in closer to her. “Everything really is fine.” I looked back at Hudson, hoping for a sign to make the lie easier. I received none. “Maybe not perfect, but things are definitely fine.”
Mira frowned dubiously.
Damn. I needed to get my shit together.
Before I could, Hudson stepped in to save the farce. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, a major show of public affection for Hudson. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Things are completely perfect.”
He nuzzled his face against my hair and I shivered with an unwelcome tingle from head to toe. I sighed into him. How could I not? This was what I wanted—to be held by him, to be loved by him.
But this was fake. It had to be or he’d tell me what I needed to know. Right?
Either way, Mira bought it. She clapped her hands together. “Ah, see? The happy and glowing is back! Thank god.” She cast her eyes around the room, stopping first at her mother beside her, then Adam and Chandler and Jack on the sofa, then to me and Hudson in front of her. “This is the best. Now my whole family’s here.”
I shifted, feeling a little uncomfortable at her declaration. I wasn’t family. And at the moment, I was sure I never would be. The farce was going too far. I opened my mouth to protest.
Sophia beat me to it. “Well, not everyone here is family.”
Mira glared at her mother. “She is. And right now I’d send you out before Laynie. Since I want all my family here, you can sit over there with your mouth shut and pretend you’re shaking because you’re cold and when you get home you can have the drink you wish was in that water bottle.”
All eyes darted from Mira to Sophia to me. The tension was so thick and palpable. I felt I had to say something. “I should go, Mira. The sentiment is nice, but I’m not really family.”
Jack met my eyes. “Yes. You are.”
Hudson tightened his grasp around me. “Agreed.”
I nodded, not daring to speak. My throat was thick and my eyes filled with tears. At least when Mira looked at me, she thought I was crying out of happiness. She had no idea she was watching my heart break even more.
Chapter Fifteen
Mira was released shortly after seven a.m. under strict orders to take it easy and drink more water. We all walked out together, Adam and Jack fussing over Mira as an attendant wheeled her to the front door. While I’d both hoped and feared that Hudson would drive me home himself, Jordan was waiting as we exited the main doors. Hudson must have texted him while I wasn’t watching.
The others had to wait for the valet to bring their cars up, so I was the first to say goodbye. I bent to hug Mira. “Take care of yourself, sister. I don’t want to be back at Lenox Hill until you’re pushing out a baby—and that better be months from now.”
“I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for coming, Laynie.”
“Anytime.” I straightened. “Well, my ride’s here.” After all the talk of being part of the family, leaving by myself felt extra lonely. My mixed feelings were no longer mixed—I wanted Hudson to drive me home. Desperately.
“Your ride…?” Mira looked from me to Hudson, obviously questioning the different cars.
“We’re off to separate places,” Hudson said. “Alayna gets to go home and crawl in bed. I’m off to work.” Always prepared with an answer, he was. Except when I was asking the questions.
Mira scowled. “You’re going to work after no sleep? And I’m the one getting yelled at about working too hard.”
Hudson waved his hand dismissively. “I got enough sleep.” He walked me to the Maybach, opening the back door for me. “I should kiss you goodbye,” he said quietly so that only I could hear.
“I suppose you should. Do you want to?” I held my breath, afraid of the answer. I didn’t know the answer for myself. It was like what he said in the hospital waiting room—kissing him only reminded me how I wanted to kiss him more. And knowing that I wouldn’t kiss him more anytime soon felt like razorblades to my chest.
His response only heightened my pain. “I’ve never kissed you just for show, precious. I’m not about to start now.” But his actions said differently when he bent in to deliver a partially open-mouthed kiss, no tongue. The type of affection suitable for onlookers.
Without permission, my hand flew to the back of his neck. I held him there, locking our lips for much longer than I believe he’d intended. When I finally pulled away, I made sure I had the last word. “That would be easier to believe if your actions matched your words. But, let me guess—you’re not about to start that now either, are you?”