“See? He’s almost done. Out you go.” I walked Matt to the employee entrance to be sure he actually left and to grab a bottle of water from the extra fridge designated for the staff. As I was about to start back to the office, there was a knock on the door.
Protocol was to check the security cameras before letting anyone in, but Matt had just left. It had to be him. “Did you forget something?” I asked, as I pulled the door open.
It wasn’t Matt.
“Daddy,” I stepped back automatically, a reaction from years of training to cower in his presence. It was a mistake. I should have shut the door in his face. Now it was too late because the man who’d threatened me for as long as I could remember was already crossing the threshold.
“Gwenyth.” His grin was lopsided and dark. “Look at you. You grew up all pretty.” He was thinner than when I’d last seen him. More wrinkled. Harder. His eyes had never had any light in them, but somehow they’d now lost their color, leaving two pools of black. His dark hair was peppered with gray. He had scars. There were several on his face and neck, remnants of prison fights, I assumed. There was a particularly angry line under his right eye that extended to his jaw. I couldn’t help but cringe at it, the pain it must have inflicted obvious from its ugliness.
Serves him right.
He threw the door closed behind him but didn’t use enough force for it to latch.
I took another step back into the kitchen. My heart raced, pounding against my chest so strongly I was sure it was audible to him as well. I told myself not to panic. Not yet. Maybe he just wanted to see me. He’d be stupid to hurt me when he’d just gotten out of jail.
Not that my father had ever been very smart…
Somehow, I found my voice. “What are you doing here?”
“Now is that any way to greet your father?” He put a fist on his hip and looked around the room. “A kitchen, huh? I thought this was some sort of a music club.”
“It’s a nightclub with food service.” I wasn’t sure why I was explaining. I was trembling, my thoughts shaking as much as my body. “You aren’t supposed to be here. It’s employees only. You need to leave.”
My eyes darted everywhere. Over his shoulder at the door not quite closed—could I make it past him if I ran? Over my shoulder toward the room where Paco was—could he hear me over his equipment if I screamed?
This is all learned response, I told myself. He hasn’t threatened you. He won’t threaten you.
“Don’t worry. I won’t stay long. I only came to give you the news.”
He wasn’t the sort of person who could calm me with a “don’t worry.” I swallowed. “What news?”
“I got out!” He threw his hands up in the air in ta da pose. I jumped at the sudden gesture, which only seemed to make him grin wider.
He was playing games. Of course, he’d gotten out. He was standing in front of me, wasn’t he? It was a statement meant to throw me off-guard and make me lose my wits. It did both.
I gaped, not knowing what to say. Not knowing what he wanted me to say.
He squinted one eye and tapped a finger to his chin. “Oh, yeah, that’s right. You knew that. You told my lawyer you didn’t want to have anything to do with me when I was released. I couldn’t believe that when he told me. I had to check it out for myself.”
My gut twisted with the old familiar feeling of being in trouble. “I didn’t say that.” My voice sounded thin and unsure. I took a breath and steadied myself. “Norma just told the lawyer that we didn’t have any place for you to stay. And we don’t. It’s only a two-bedroom apartment.” That was a lie. It was three bedrooms—Ben had stayed in the third room when he’d lived with us. Now it was Norma’s office/storage room.
My father glowered. “I could have stayed on the couch. I can pretty much sleep anywhere after ten years of a prison cot.”
I bit my lip, looking for excuses. “That wouldn’t work. We have odd schedules. You’d never get any sleep out there with us going in and out. Don’t you have to be in a halfway house or something, anyway?”
He shrugged. “Only for a little while. When they let me out of there, I’ll need a place. Surely you could find a spot for me in that posh high-rise of yours.”
“It’s Norma’s apartment, Daddy. She said it wouldn’t work. You’ll have to ask her if you want her to reconsider.” I didn’t feel too bad throwing Norma under the bus. He hadn’t gotten abusive toward us kids until our mother had died, and since Norma was older then, she’d received little of it. She wasn’t under his thumb the way Ben and I were. She’d stand up just fine in a confrontation with him, unlike me.
Problem was, Daddy knew that.
“Cute. I ain’t gonna go talk to Norma. She’s never been fond of me. Did you know that bitch didn’t even send me a Christmas card once while I was in jail?”
His last comment was actually a dig at me. I’d sent one the first couple of years, when I still believed I might have love for him. I’d since realized that all I ever had for him was fear. Funny how those emotions could be mixed up so easily when they were nothing alike.
I dug back into my repertoire of ways to calm him. Apologize. He always liked to hear that. “I’m sorry I didn’t contact you more. It seemed like it would be easier—for both of us—to keep our distance.”
“Easier. You really believe that or are you talking shit to protect your ass?”
I wanted to say that I was trying to be nice. That I wasn’t worried about protecting my ass because I hadn’t done anything wrong.
But I was scared, and I was protecting my ass. “I did believe it, Daddy. I do believe it. Anyway, you’re out now. So everything’s good.” Just like when I was younger, I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. It felt like playing Russian roulette with words. Which one would please him? Which one would set him off?
“Yes. Everything’s good. Except now I have to get some income. The more money I make, the sooner I’m out of that place. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent job with a criminal record?”
I shook my head, afraid to speak, praying that Paco would finish up and come find me soon.
“Well, I got something.”
“Good! Congratulations!” I was too eager. My smile was too bright.
He didn’t say anything. He studied me with cold eyes.