My breathing was uncontrollable now as I tried to finish the rest of the story. “My father dropped to his knees with my mom’s body and began shaking her. Her limp arms flopped and her head fell to the side. When her empty eyes stared back at me, I knew in that second that my mom was gone. I couldn’t stop the scream that erupted from my body and that drew my dad’s attention away from my mom, to me. He laid my mom’s lifeless body on the floor, got up and began to stalk toward me. I scrambled to get the door open before he made it to me. I had just jerked it open when I felt him grab for my shirt but I rushed out the door screaming for help until my throat was raw. Some of our neighbors had been outside and raced over to me. I told them what had just happened and collapsed in the middle of the street. When I looked back toward my house, my father was standing in the doorway.
There was so much talking going on around me. People were asking me if I was okay, if my mom was okay, and calling 911 … but I couldn’t answer any of them. My father’s stare was all I could concentrate on. I didn’t look away until one of my neighbors picked me up and began carrying me toward his house. When I looked over his shoulder toward my house, my father was gone.” I looked at Kane. “So now you know my shame. I stood there and watched my father murder my mother. It was my fault he was so angry, and she sacrificed herself to save me and I just watched as he choked the life out of her.”
Kane’s hand was squeezing mine, not too tightly as to hurt, but more like tight enough to let me know he was there.
“Kelsey … I know you have probably heard this a million times but there was nothing you could do.”
I huffed and rolled my eyes. He was right. I had heard that a million times, and each time I heard it made me sick. It was my fault he was so angry and I could have done something, anything but I didn’t. I was a coward and I would have to live with that for the rest of my life. As I should.
“Kelsey”—Kane grabbed me by my shoulders, making me look at him—“you were twelve. There was no way you could have stood up to a man like that. You were lucky to make it out of there alive. I’m sorry about what happened to your mom but there was nothing. You. Could. Do.”
I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. I hated talking about that night. I hated bringing those memories back. It had been years since I had even spoken about that night. It never got any easier to talk about it.
Kane didn’t try to talk to me about it anymore. Instead he just sat there and held me ‘til my eyes couldn’t manage any more tears.
After I had expelled the last tear from my eyes, I wiped the moisture from my cheeks and looked at Kane. The small circles he had been rubbing on my back while I had my breakdown were comforting. I couldn’t believe that I had just spilled my guts like that to him, but I felt unbelievably better about the whole situation. I couldn’t deny the feelings that were growing for him anymore, and I would not be comfortable keeping that part of my life hidden from him.
“Thank you.” His voice startled me and I gave him a questioning look. “For trusting me enough to tell me that. I couldn’t imagine growing up with a coward like your father. If you don’t mind me asking … what happened to him?”
I shrugged. “He went to prison and I have not seen or spoken to him since. He could have died in there for all I know.”
Which was true. The last time I’d seen my father was when the court officers were escorting him out of the courtroom the day he was sentenced for my mom’s murder. I remember feeling his cold stare on me. I had made it all through the trail, not wasting one single look at him, but I’d made the mistake of looking up just before he had fully exited the courtroom.
He was, of course, staring at me. His face had no expression, but his eyes said it all. He hated me, he probably always had. Not once do I ever remember hearing my father tell my mother or me that he loved us. How could he after the way he had treated my mother? But the way his eyes looked in this moment, there was no mistaking it. He hated me. Hated me for what was happening to him.
There was no sorrow or guilt about what he had done. Just the rage and the anger because now he was no longer in control and in that moment I silently prayed he would never make it out of prison alive. That the prisoners he would now be living with would show him the same treatment he had shown my mother all those years.
My father ended up being convicted of murder in the 3rd degree. The bastard was a quick thinker and had actually taken the time to run back to the kitchen, grab a knife, slice his arm and plant it on my mother, claiming she came at him with it with intent to kill him and that he was only defending himself. I, of course, told my side of what had happened that night, and the jury ultimately found him guilty in the end.
After walking out of the courtroom that day, I vowed I would never think of him again and went straight to file papers to legally change my last name to Rien—my mother’s maiden name. I had become so used to it now that his last name was all but a distant memory.
The only people who knew that my last name was not Rien were Jessi, her family, and the people from my hometown … and that was the way it would stay. This was one truth I wouldn’t even tell Kane. I would no longer be tainted by that man. I wanted no part of anything that had to do with my father and I never would. So I would never acknowledge having that name ever again.
Kane sat there silence for another second or two before standing. He held both hands out for me and I laid my hands in his to let him pull me up. He gently rubbed my knuckles with his thumbs. “I’m so glad I met you Kelsey and I’m so glad I brought you here. This place has always been special to me and now that I have you here with me, it’s perfect.”
I smiled up and he slowly lowered his head to mine, kissing me so softly and so deeply that the rest of the world and the memories melted away into the dark night.
Kane drove me back to the dorms shortly after that. He waited on his motorcycle until I had made in safely inside. When I was safely inside my dorm building I turned and gave him a small wave through the window. He nodded his head at me before he took off into the night.
As I waited for the elevator I couldn’t stop touching my lips. They were still slightly swollen from the heavy make out session we’d had on his bike before I finally climbed off to come inside.
As I stepped onto the elevator, my phone chimed with a text from Jessi letting me know she was staying with Landon. So that meant there would be no walking in on any nakedness tonight. Thank God. I was still drained from telling Kane about my past. Crying always made me sleepy and all I could think about now was taking a shower, crashing, and waking up tomorrow and pretending it never happened.