“You call it blinded ignorance; I call it betrayal, that's why. You didn't just kidnap my brother; you gave him to your father who tortured him senseless for months! And my grandfather did die, and everyone I loved was taken from me. And then you left me! You left me on that farm, in the wake of your destruction, alone! You promised me happiness, and eternal bliss and you gave me loneliness and overwhelming pain!” I seethed, realizing we probably sounded a little weird to the cab driver, but I didn’t care. “And to top it off, you held me next to you in your apartment only an hour before hand, put a ring on my finger and then asked me never to forget how happy we were! You asked me to always remember that moment! All the while my family, my friends, everyone I knew was being massacred! And you got your wish, I remember exactly how happy I was, how supremely happy I was in that moment and then everything was taken from me, my entire future was murdered and this remnant of existence, this life of imprisonment and heartache is all that I’m left with.... And the last true moment of happiness I will ever have, the last perfect moment of my life was with you, before you destroyed everything else that I held dear. That is why I can't forgive you, I don't give a damn what Avalon has done or how he feels,” I finished angrily, but relieved. I had never said any of that aloud to anyone and it felt good, it felt like a weight lifted from my chest and I could breathe a little easier. There, we both knew what I was holding against him. I exhaled a satisfied sigh and waited for the backlash I knew would tumble from his mouth, still unable to meet his eyes.
“Eden, you are not the only one who entered into our relationship immature and naive, please understand that I am living a lifetime of penance for my behavior. I am not the same person, you are not the only one who has grown,” Kiran pleaded desperately.
I turned to look at him and sat devastated by the gravity of his eyes. “I understand that, but it doesn't change anything. Besides, it doesn't matter who you are now, or who I am now because we've both moved on,” I reminded him casually.
“Yes, we have,” he agreed and then we fell into a deafening silence with nothing more to be said and everything in between us.
Chapter Twenty
We arrived at the Citadel close to nightfall. Kiran carried my bags to his room and while we unpacked Sebastian and Amelia joined us, along with Talbott. I wanted to ask Kiran if he passed along Lilly's note yet, but I wasn't ready to open the lines of communication between us.
The five of us sat awkwardly around the room, Amelia commenting on the clothes I pulled from my suitcase and the boys discussing an upcoming camping trip they were planning. Now that Amelia occupied a room in the castle, I could feel the way the boys relaxed because they didn't think they had to babysit or entertain me constantly anymore.
A knock at the door drew all of our attention and Talbott walked dutifully over to answer it. I couldn't see who it was, but I heard the Titan that passed along the message that Ms. Van Curen had arrived and was on her way up.
I dropped the hairbrush I packed for the trip and it clattered across the floor. “Um, what did he just say?” I demanded of Talbott when he closed the door again.
“No, Kiran, please tell me you told her!” Sebastian sat back in one of the leather chairs and laughed.
“I was getting around to it....” Kiran confessed, looking very much like a child about to be scolded.
“You were getting around to what?” I demanded, turning on him and breaking the silent treatment.
“Now, if you'll relax, I'll tell you,” he tried to sound like the mature adult, but I wasn't having it.
“Don't patronize me, Kiran!” I growled, “Why is Seraphina here?”
“She is, that is to say, my father thought it best, after I jilted her last May....” Kiran cleared his throat and shook his head to remind himself that he wasn't afraid of me. “Seraphina will be attending school with us, here, in the castle.”
“She will be doing what?” I shrieked.
Neither Talbott nor Sebastian could withhold their laughter and Amelia looked on as if she had never been more entertained.
“Can I please remind you that she has tried to kill me! Twice!” I raised my voice and stomped my foot.
“Can't we put that behind us already?” Seraphina's snotty voice asked from the doorway.
I whirled around to face her. She stood against the door looking like a goddess just down from heaven to grace us with her presence and not amused at all with my outburst. She wore a low cut, scoop necked yellow tank top, tucked tightly into a white and navy blue striped bubble skirt that ended mid-thigh revealing long, tanned, perfect legs. The yellow of her shirt, accentuated the blonde of her perfect hair and it shined in perfect waves from her perfect head. I had never been more ready to perfectly throw up.
I grunted a sound I wasn't quite familiar with and turned back around. I stomped to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I didn't have any business in the bathroom so I paced back and forth, half afraid to leave because I was embarrassed of my immature behavior, and half too pissed off that I hadn't been warned I would be attending school with my arch-nemesis.
After a while the voices outside the room died down and a soft knock on the door pulled me from my fuming.
“Eden, you can come out now, everyone has gone downstairs,” Sebastian called gently.
I waited for a few extra seconds trying to compose myself and then opened the door. I walked passed a very amused Sebastian and plopped down on the bed, wondering where they all went, and foolishly feeling left out.
“You can be absolutely bonkers sometimes,” Sebastian laughed, sitting down next to me and putting a comforting hand on my back. “You don't have to worry, he's engaged to you.”
I laughed at his joke, and then settled down a bit. “Yeah right, just like Seraphina didn't have to worry when he was engaged to her!” I joked, but Sebastian's eyes lit up.
“I knew it!” He slapped me on the back. “I knew you were jealous!”
“Sebastian! I'm not jealous,” I reprimanded, “I'm honestly scared for my life! You have no idea what she's tried to do to me! Once she had like this whirlwind of glass and she was going to impale me with it.... She's certifiably crazy. Trust me.”
“Maybe, but she doesn't look it, does she?” he murmured, with a sly grin across his face.
“You can't be serious!” I shrieked.
“What? I'm just a man, leave me alone!” Sebastian laughed at my reaction.
“Oh my gosh, what am I doing here? There is an actual war going on outside of these walls and I'm about to warn you of the dangers of dating a crazy girl and you're not even going to listen to me, are you?” I looked at him, appalled at the smile growing wider across his face and the distant look in his eyes.
“Hmmm? What did you say?” Sebastian asked and I punched him in the arm. “I'm going to go downstairs and join them, are you coming? he asked, already moving toward the door.
“Ugh! No! And you can tell Kiran not to bother coming back here either.” I spat.
“Lover's quarrel?” Sebastian asked, pausing at the door.
“Will you just get out of here?” I demanded looking forward to the peace and quiet I would get as soon as he left.
“You're much prettier when you're not biting my head off,” he mumbled and when I turned to throw something at him he continued quickly, “Kiran left his cell phone on the bed stand with instructions how to call your aunt if you’re interested.”
I turned back around and ignored Sebastian as he left the room. I found the phone and the instructions and dialed immediately. On the third ring she picked up sounding groggy and confused.
“Aunt Syl?” I gasped, the tears already falling from just hearing her voice.
“Eden?” She whispered, not believing it was possible I was on the other end of the phone.
We sat silent for a few minutes just listening to each other cry, thankful we were both alive and able to communicate. I spent the next three hours talking to her about everything that happened, how I decided to offer myself in place of Avalon, what happened after I gave Avalon my magic and then how I got it back from him. We talked about Lucan's cruelty and his threats against others while I tried to be more obedient than I ever had been in my life. She listened and gave great advice and then listened some more.
And then she talked about the normal stuff that occupied her life, the stuff that made me heart sick with jealousy. She talked about the hospital, and how busy she was, about how awful it was living alone and her non-existent dating life. She told me she tried to stay as much a part of my life as she could by housing my parents whenever they came through town, which had been twice since I left. She shared that she thought they wanted to remember a piece of me, too, and that's why they stayed with her, even though it was risky for them both. Angelica came over frequently and they were becoming close friends; they shared Amory's memory together and it helped ease both of their pain over that. And Avalon called her constantly and he would get furious with her when she didn't answer, even if she was in the middle of surgery. I laughed at my brother and she talked about him with a mixture of motherly affection and annoyance.
We talked well into the night, and even though it was the middle of the day for her in Omaha, she was on a sleep schedule from forty-eight hours straight at the hospital. So when the phones started to die, I told her how much I loved and missed her and said goodbye. And then I rolled over in Kiran's bed and cried big, hysterical, exhausting sobs that shook my body and set my throat on fire. I was coping with this life, this new arrangement, but the hurt and sacrifice of what I suffered still pressed against me like a physical force determined to crush the life right out of me.
After my argument with Kiran, getting to the bottom of why I couldn't forgive him, seeing my brother, Lilly and Jericho and then talking to my aunt, the wall I erected to shield myself from the constant reminder of how much pain I felt crumbled. I faced the sorrow in big, gulping tears that blinded my sight and soaked the pillow I buried my face in.
Eventually sleep found me and took me away to fight through my pain in a tumultuous dream world where I struggled to save my parents from Lucan's deadly sword and get to my wedding with Kiran on time where Jericho was the officiate and Lilly and the rest of the Resistance stood waiting in line at a guillotine.
I awoke in a panicked hysteria in a darkened room, sweaty and tangled in a blanket I didn’t' remember covering myself with. I smoothed my hair away from my face and then rolled over, determined to find some semblance of sleep and leave this horrible world behind me at least for a few hours. It was one thing to be afraid, it was an entirely different thing to let those fears rule my life, consume every breath I took.
I was the Oracle.
I needed to conquer the fear and face this world, even as horrible and hopeless as it felt. I was fully apart of it now. If my conversation with Aunt Syl had taught me nothing else, it was that I said goodbye to humanity last May and joined the Immortal world where my destiny resided.
----
Eden, wake up! Avalon's voice called to me from the peacefulness of nothing. Eden, wake up!
“What?” I said aloud, confused. What? I clarified inwardly to Avalon. The sun had just started to rise outside Kiran's big windows and the horizon was painted pink in the early morning hue over the mountains, but the room remained obscured by darkness.