“You were truly cool tonight, Nanette,” Shannon says. “Just like old times.”
Nanette smiles and nods.
“I hear Ned Frazier is really into you. Is he a good kisser?”
“The best,” Nanette lies.
“How big is his dick? Did you get that far?”
“Hell, yeah. It’s three and a half feet long. Just shy of four, maybe. Pretty much the length of Nanette’s arm. Could stretch it into a jump rope.”
Shannon lets out a little squeal and then punches Nanette’s shoulder. “See how much better it is?”
“How much better what is?”
“Being normal,” Shannon says. “Hanging out with us—people your own age, doing age-appropriate things like going to parties! Hooking up with boys. Dancing! If only you would drink and talk in first person!”
“Thanks for saving Nanette from being unique,” Nanette says.
Shannon reaches over and holds Nanette’s hand. “Of course. Anytime. Go, Rainbow Dragons, go!”
When they pull into Shannon’s driveway, she wraps her arms around Nanette’s neck, says “It’s so good to have you back,” and then gives Nanette a big kiss on the lips before she stumbles out of the Jeep and disappears into her house.
When Nanette arrives at her own home, her parents are waiting up.
“How did it go?” they ask.
“Great,” Nanette lies.
“Really? Did you meet anyone?”
“Nanette kissed Ned Frazier.”
“You did?” her mom says.
“You don’t seem too happy about it,” her dad says.
“Nanette is happy,” she says. “So very goddamn happy.”
Mom and Dad look at each other.
“It’s good you went out with Shannon,” her mom says.
“Yeah,” her dad says. “You can’t stay in your room forever.”
“Good night,” Nanette says, and then tries to wash Ned Frazier away with half a bottle of mouthwash and a long, hot shower.
30
So Good at Something She Doesn’t Enjoy
Daily life. It’s easier while conducting the experiment. Much like ghost floating. Nanette tries to swallow her entire self deep down inside her, where no one can see. Harmless as a benign tumor. And she becomes very convincing, smiling all the time, laughing, being who everyone wants her to be, sitting with the girls again in the cafeteria instead of alone on the bench outside.
After a group-talk with June and Nanette’s parents, it is decided that Nanette will go to therapy two times a month rather than weekly. Progress. Everyone loves it. Nanette smiles like a good girl and nods enthusiastically. She feels as if she might be picking up on an unconvinced vibe from June, but maybe it’s just her imagination. Either way, therapy becomes a biweekly occurrence, which saves her parents six hundred dollars a month.
Ned Frazier hangs out at Nanette’s locker, leaves flowers in her Jeep, tongue-kisses her, gropes her chest, sticks his hands down her pants, plays misogynistic music, constantly rapping the dumb lyrics for her, and since all of Ned’s guy friends are doing the same things to Nanette’s girlfriends, everyone is generally happy about the sameness of Nanette’s romance.
She begins training with Shannon, who is scheduled to play college soccer next year on scholarship, and so they run endless miles together and practice connecting on crosses and dribbling and shooting, and it at least feels familiar to sweat again, to get lost in the routines, and to be part of something goal-oriented.
“You could walk on to any team in the country next year, Nanette,” Shannon keeps saying. “You could come with me, too.”
Nanette wonders if this was the plan all along—if Nanette’s parents and Shannon have made a secret pact.
But because Nanette is experimenting with her new personality, she tells Shannon that she’s thinking about it.
“Take the Shannon-Nanette machine to the next level!” Shannon says. “We could be college roommates! Maybe even play for Team USA someday! World Cup! USA! USA! USA!”
It’s a horrifying thought, but Nanette finds herself on the spring soccer team again, finishing all of Shannon’s crosses, heading and shooting the ball into the net with an alarming ease—like she never even quit.
How can Nanette be so good at something she doesn’t enjoy?
It seems cruel.
But Shannon and the rest of the team hug her every time she scores, and her father loses his mind on the sidelines—cheering with delirious happiness.
Money is deposited into her portfolio after almost every game.
31
In Love with a Fake Version
The senior class trip takes Nanette to Disney World in Orlando, Florida. There is a plane ride and buses and much group activity—their class infesting waiting rooms and parks and restaurants. Nanette smiles and poses for pictures and flirts with boys and pretends that she is having the time of her life. Ned and she mostly move with their select herd of friends, but they break away in the Magic Kingdom, during which he says, “Let’s see how many characters we can get our picture taken with in the next hour. We could make a game of it. What do you think?”
“Okay,” Nanette says, because she is being agreeable.
He drags her around by the hand, looking for what Ned calls “the classics”—Mickey and Goofy and Donald—and they even run at times, searching for the people dressed up in costumes. Whenever they find one, they don’t wait in line behind all the little kids. They just ambush the character, photo-bombing whatever shot is in progress. They snap selfies with Ned’s phone and run off.