I sat at an easel and waited for the teacher, Mrs. Solheim, a woman who looked to still be stuck in the sixties with wavy, waist length hair and a look of self-medicated peace on her face, to walk over to me. She smiled widely when she approached me and the warmth in it shocked me for a moment...until she called me Tom. I shook my head and said, "No, I'm Lucas". Then she frowned and nodded slowly, like she suddenly remembered who I was...and what I'd done.
She glanced at a couple of the empty seats in the room and I had the feeling that she was seeing my long gone friends too. I followed her eyesight, and momentarily saw Darren making a 'she's loopy' signal with his fingers, making my vision of Sammy, laugh into her hand. Before I could stop it, I had a vision of Lil giving Darren an admonishing look, her full lips puckered in displeasure. I remembered that dream of kissing those lips last night and felt my eyes get heavy as her beautiful, shiny hair shook around her shoulders, when she shook her head at Darren. My breath seized as her face turned towards me and I watched in awe as the lips curled into an easy smile and she opened her mouth to speak.
"Lucas?"
I blinked at the unfamiliar voice coming from her lips and glanced up at Mrs. Solheim who was trying to explain the assignment that I'd missed the introduction to yesterday. I'd been completely wrapped in my memories and I'd tuned her out. I had no idea what she'd been talking about. I swallowed the ache in my throat at seeing Lil so clearly again and forced myself to concentrate on the teacher.
"I'm sorry...what?"
She sighed and rolled her eyes, explaining the assignment again to me. Her looking at me like I was the space case and not her, was sort of funny, but I couldn't find it in myself to laugh. That vision of my girlfriend had been a sudden one. I hadn't been prepared for it, not that I ever was. As the teacher walked away, I felt the ache in my chest start to turn towards despair. I flicked my eyes around the room, wishing Sawyer had this class with me too, but she didn't, she wasn't there. I'd have to get through this on my own. I closed my eyes and pictured Sawyer's face - her black as night hair and stormy gray eyes. It was an odd combination, but an appealing one too. The vision of her face held no added recollections of my friends, only a peace that I could almost feel washing over my body. My pain momentarily left me. I opened my eyes and picked up a pencil on the easel. Our assignment was to draw something that felt like home. At that moment, and as odd as the thought was, only one thing felt like home to me. Very carefully, and in as much detail as I could do in an hour, I began to draw her face...Sawyer's face.
After class, I was a bit startled to see her actual face again. I'd been walking out of the shack building and debating walking home, when I'd nearly run right into her. She'd just come out of one of the rooms attached to the back of the gym. One of the rooms was used for the band, the other for the choir. I wondered which one she belonged to, but didn't ask her because she looked like she'd been crying. She startled as she bumped against me and looked up into my face. My jacket was in her hands and her bag was haphazardly slung over her shoulder, crammed papers visible in the top of it, like she'd fled the room in a hurry.
I cocked my head at her, concerned. "Are you alright?"
She swiped a hand under her eyelids and smiled stiffly. "Yeah, I'm fine." She flicked a glance over her shoulder and my eyes followed. She was looking at a tall, honey-haired girl coming out of the choir room. I frowned when I recognized her - Brittany Faulkner. The Faulkner family was the oldest in our small town. Their ancestors were the founding fathers of the town actually. That's right - our town had actual freaking Founding Fathers. The town was still big on heritage and all of the Faulkners had a holier-than-thou attitude. They also had a good sum of money to go along with that prestige and in a way, kind of ruled the town. And Brittany...ruled the school.
She'd been a part of our social circle with Darren, Sammy, Lil and I. She was again, one of those people that I wasn't sure why we were friends with her. She was in no way nice. But she was attractive, very attractive, and she'd had her eye on me since the ninth grade. She was actually the first girl that let me feel her up. It had happened after practice my freshman year and I'd always known that it wouldn't have necessarily had to stop at my hands up her shirt. I'd always known that I could have gone much farther with her...I just hadn't wanted to.
Sawyer's eyes quickly averted from Brittany's glare, as her brown eyes swept over to our position. I continued to look at her, wondering just what she'd done or said to Sawyer. An odd look crossed her face; her eyes narrowed at me in contempt, much like Josh's actually, but her lips curled into a small, inviting smile, like I could still do more than just feel her up...she would just hate me at the same time. I scrunched my brow as I watched her, watch me.
Brittany smirked and then stalked off. Brittany had been in a huff around me ever since I'd started dating Lil, maybe even before that, but definitely after Lil and I'd hooked up. I suspected she was jealous, but she never really had acted like she was, it was just an odd sort of feeling I used to get hanging around her. A sudden light went off in my head as I wondered if she was the one that used to circulate cheating rumors around about me.
After she walked away, I focused my attention back to where Sawyer was putting my jacket back on. "Is she bugging you?" I asked her quietly.
She shook her head. "Don't worry about it, Luc. I can handle bitches."
I frowned and started to reply when she met and held my gaze. Her eyes were back to their crystal clear peacefulness and her voice dropped to that oddly serious tone. "I've dealt with much worse. I can deal with her." She shook her head as I wondered what she meant. "It's nothing."
I shrugged, figuring she'd tell me when and if she was ready. An idea struck me as I realized I'd made it through an entire school day and we were now free. I smiled a genuine smile for the first time all day. "We're done, Sawyer...we're free." I smiled wider as she grinned at me crookedly. "Want to come over to my house?" I leaned in and raised an eyebrow. "We have Hot Pockets."
She laughed and started to nod, but then she closed her eyes and her happy look fell into a disgruntled one. "Ugh, I can't." I started to ask why as my face fell as well, but she answered before I could. "I had to sign up for that Safe and Sound club. " She sighed and kicked a rock on the ground. "Part of my probation," she muttered sullenly.
"Oh. You're joining the purity club...really?"
She looked back up at me and grimaced. "Not by choice. It was the only way my parents would give me the tiniest bit of slack." She sighed and her shoulders slumped.
I cocked an eyebrow at her as I looked over her crestfallen face. "Did you burn down your old school or something?"
She grinned crookedly at me and then laughed. "I wish." Her eyes took on a guarded look. "No, it was...something else." She looked away, obviously not wanting to talk about it, and I let the conversation drop. Again, she'd tell me if she was ready. I wasn't about to push.
"All right then...let's go."
She looked back to me with a satisfyingly startled face. "What? You're coming?"
I shrugged. "I've got nothing else to do...and I could use a ride home."
She laughed again and hugged me tight. I savored the warmth of her embrace and delighted that I had actually made someone in this school happy...by staying. I laughed and hugged her back. She pulled away from me abruptly and looked a touch embarrassed for her sudden attack. I laughed at the look on her face and we started walking back towards the main building.
We walked past groups of kids heading out to the parking lot, and watched other groups of kids head out to the numerous buses all parked and waiting for them. Several students eyed us walking together, but she and I both ignored them. We were getting good at this, although I did still feel a little bad that just my presence was causing a small gossip storm to swirl around her. I hoped Brittany wasn't attacking her over me...maybe for her wearing my jacket, or something stupid like that.
"Don't you have practice?" she asked quietly as we walked, her fingers picking at the sleeves of my jacket, her habit of playing with them still apparently in full effect.
I smiled sadly as I looked down on her. "No. Not this year. Not anymore." I thought about Josh, Randy, Will and all the others on my old team meeting with Coach on the field right about now. While I was glad I wouldn't be running into any of them anymore today, a part of me missed my old routine. But that had changed, along with everything else.
Sawyer looked up at me with curious eyes. "It just doesn't seem so important anymore," I answered her unasked question quietly. Her pale eyes regarded me with a deep understanding and she nodded, like she knew exactly what I meant. I smiled softly and felt that deep connection again as we walked the rest of the way in silence.
The purity club met on the first floor in the main building. As we approached the classroom door we saw the handmade sign taped over the window - Safe and Sound Club: Because We Care About You. I rolled my eyes. God, I really didn't want to be here, but I hadn't wanted to part ways with Sawyer yet either. I was still sort of hoping she'd come over later. It would make the night go by a lot faster, if I could share a chunk of it with her.
Sawyer put her hand on the knob and turned to look at me. She rolled her eyes too and sighed softly. "Ready?" she muttered.
"Sure," I answered, as she swung the door open.
The room wasn't very full, not too surprising, I suppose. There were maybe eight people there and the supervising teacher, Ms. Reynolds. She brightened as Sawyer entered the room and I thought she'd start glowing when she noticed me.
"Sawyer, Lucas. I'm so glad you decided to join us." She came over and put a hand on my shoulder as she said that and again, I felt like her statement was just for my benefit. We gave her halfhearted grins and she directed us to some open seats.
A wave of whispers followed us as we made our way to the back of the room. We sat on a couple desks, pushing them close together, and dangling our feet off the edge. We waited silently as a couple more students trickled in. Sawyer looked down and started playing with the hem of my jacket sleeve around her wrist while I scanned the room. I caught more than a couple people giving me questioning glances. A couple people smiled sardonically and one even smiled encouragingly, but the majority frowned slightly, sure I was only here to mock their stupid club probably. Well, I wasn't. I wasn't here to mock or engage. I was here to spend time with Sawyer. As the stares kept up, I started wondering if that was a bad idea and I should have just parted ways with her. Oh well.
Eventually Ms. Reynolds started the meeting and thanked us all for coming. She assured everyone that together we could help steer the student body to a clean and sober life. I bit back an amused smile. One tiny club was going to stop high schoolers from rebelling with secret parties and illegally obtained alcohol? I don't think so. Sawyer snickered softly beside me, and then skillfully switched it to a cough in her hand when a couple people glanced back and glared at her. I bumped her shoulder with mine and whispered for her to take this seriously. She looked up at my half grin and laughed.