“She means her ratings. the tramp,” Alyssa whispered into my ear. Her nails dug into my shoulders.
“Ouch,” I grumbled.
“Sorry.” She released my burning skin and sighed. “I just really don’t like that girl.”
My fault. Again. Seriously, I wish someone would have walked around with a bat when I was a teenager and smacked me in the ass every time I made a bad choice.
Then again, I would have been dead by twelve.
So there was that.
“It will be fine.” I cupped Alyssa’s face. “Besides, I trust Alec. Whatever this is about, whatever he did, he loves Nat.”
Alyssa chewed her lower lip, then rubbed both of them together. “‘Kay. Let’s go make friendly with the enemy so we can finish this damn barbeque.”
“I love it when you curse.”
“Shut up.” She punched me in the gut and grabbed my arm, draping it over her shoulder as we returned to the middle of the yard.
Chapter Seventeen
Alec
“They’re going to find us!” Nat chuckled as I kissed her throat again.
“Screw them,” I ground out as I slammed her against the backdoor to the garage. “I want you. Here. Now.” My hands couldn’t move fast enough against her clothes as I pulled them from her body.
“Demanding,” she said breathlessly as she lifted my shirt over my head.
“Always demanding when it comes to you.” I sucked her bottom lip, my hands went to her hot skin. Every touch with her felt like the first, and no matter how many times we kissed, it was never enough. After seeing April, I needed Nat, needed her more than ever. I was being selfish, but I had to kiss her. She had to wash away all that guilt, all that shame. She was my high and I was in dire need of a fix.
“Mmm.” She giggled then jumped into my arms. She loved to do that. I think it was because I was tall. I knew Nat liked feeling small, protected, and she liked it when I carried her and had my way with her. This was me not complaining as I pulled her shirt over her head with one hand and braced her against the wall.
Nat reached for my jeans and jerked them down. I stepped out and tossed them hurriedly to the corner. I hoped the camera crew was confused about where we were, because things were going to be getting a little too R rated for a reality show.
Nat pulled away from me and shimmied out of her short skirt, leaving her almost nak*d, except for her red bikini.
I’d memorized every curve of her body, every indentation held my mark, and that’s how I wanted it. Maybe I was a bit possessive, but I wanted to brand her, make it so that anyone who saw her knew she belonged to me. She was mine. I greedily reached out and grabbed her hips. They fit perfect in my hands, I groaned and closed my eyes. Every part of her was precious, and every part drove me freaking insane.
I hated the out-of-control feeling I had around April. Like any second the shit would hit the fan and people would know — Nat, precious Nat, would know. I was turning into someone I hated, but I couldn’t care less about April now. I wanted her pushed out of my brain, out of my psyche, my memories. I couldn’t keep living in fear. Living with absolute drama wasn’t me. I didn’t want any part of that life anymore. Was I selfish for wanting one last time with Nat before I went to the press myself?
Before I threw an innocent woman under the bus?
Before I created such a chasm in my relationship with Demetri that he would never speak to me again?
Before I told the truth to save my own ass?
Nat’s hands went around my neck. She jerked my head down and devoured my mouth. Her tongue was hot as it slid slowly into my mouth. I groaned against her lips and controlled the pressure I gave back, driving myself crazy with need. I wanted her. Now.
“Oh…” a startled voice said from behind us.
Cursing, and pushing Nat behind me, I turned to see April standing on the top stair leading into the house. “I’m sorry, I thought this was the way out of the house. My mistake.” Her eyes gleamed with disapproval as she glanced from me to Nat and then back to me again. Shit, she wasn’t my mom. She had no right.
“Well,” I said gruffly. “Clearly this isn’t an exit.”
April snorted. “Funny, I didn’t think it was a bedroom either.”
“Son of a—”
Nat smacked me in the back and whispered for me to behave. If she had any idea what this woman had done, what I had done, that would be the last thing she would be asking me to do.
“Keys,” April choked out. “Demetri said something about keys.”
“Does this really look like the time?” I snapped.
April stood her ground.
So she was going to be like that. She was going to play the innocent step-mom. Fine. I sighed and relaxed a bit. “We’ll be right there. I’ll give you the keys and you can leave. Sound good?”
“Oh thank you, that would be… lovely.” Her gaze flickered to Nat briefly before shutting the door.
I exhaled a curse.
“Well, that was awkward.” Nat huffed from behind me. “We just got caught hav**g s*x by Jaymeson’s mom.” She let out a giggle and went in search for her discarded skirt.
I, however, stood frozen in place. Visions of Jaymeson’s mom dancing through my head, the rose perfume. I suddenly felt sick all over again but knew it was my own damn fault.
“Hey…” Nat handed me my shirt. “You okay? You look sick. You still feeling rotten?”
“No.” I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand and sighed. “Um, I’m just… weirded out that Jaymeson’s mom’s going to be staying at our beach house.”
“Forget about it.” Nat nudged me. “Besides it’s not like we’ll be seeing her. We don’t even stay there.”
“Right.”
“Let’s go. Everyone’s probably looking for us.”
“Not yet.” I jerked her against me and quickly pulled her suit from her body.
Desperation had made me a horrible person. That was the last thing I thought as I took my girlfriend against the wall of the garage.
She gasped at the force of our bodies sliding together. I bit back a curse as I allowed the ecstasy of the moment to wash over me — to numb the guilt and sadness.
“Alec, I—” I covered her mouth with mine as I lifted her into my arms and pushed her against the dirty wall.
“I love you.” And I meant it. Even though we weren’t making love. This wasn’t love. This was sex. Raw sex. I was stealing from her. Stealing innocence and in return giving her a false security. And I hated myself for it, almost as much as I hated myself for needing it. Needing her.
Nat opened her eyes and looked at me. Really looked at me, as I slowly pulled away from her and allowed her to slide down the wall.
Those brown eyes were piercing into my very soul. I couldn’t look away. I knew that guilt was like a blazing red sign across my face.
She swallowed and lifted her hand to cup my face. “Alec, whatever’s going on… you know I’ll always be by your side, right?”
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I nodded then found the words. “Can you promise me that?”
“Alec, you’re acting like the sky’s falling or something. I’m. Right. Here.”
“I know.”
Nat released my face. “But damn if the guy I love isn’t a lifetime away from me.” She smiled sadly. “You ask me to promise you that I’ll never leave, but it feels a lot like you keep trying to say goodbye.”
She quickly adjusted her suit and threw on her clothes. “I’ll see you outside, okay?”
“Be right there.” I choked out. “I’m still a bit…” I shrugged.
Nat licked her lips and kissed my mouth.
“I’ll be outside waiting for you.” Her eyes held the promise of trust, and I felt like with every opportunity I was given, I just said screw it and dug my hole deeper.
After a few minutes, I exited the garage and made my way toward the SUV where I had the spare key to the beach house. I unlocked the car and rummaged around inside the console, before pulling out the set of keys and slamming the door again.
“Hey.”
“Shit.” I jumped back when a feminine hand reached out to touch my shoulder. Why couldn’t everything just disappear? Go back to normal? I held out the key to her, willing her to hurry and take it so I could get back to the barbeque.
April licked her lips and slowly reached out to grab the set of keys. “I’m sorry, you know.”
“For?” The muscle in my jaw clenched tightly making my teeth click together.
Her eyes welled with tears. “Everything.”
Damn. I hated it when girls cried, and even though April was older she was no different. She was going through her own hell — one I couldn’t even fathom. And here all I could think about was throwing her under the bus and getting as far away from her as I could.
Her shoulders shook as she wiped away a few stray tears with the back of her hand. Sighing, I pulled her into my embrace and held her. “It will work out. I promise.”
She hiccupped, nodding, and then clenching my shirt between her hands as she tucked her head against my chest.
I didn’t know if I was supposed to let her cry or push her away. I mean, I wanted to comfort her, and yeah I did feel like shit, but I was too paranoid about cameras to want to hold her any longer.
Thankfully, she pulled back a few seconds later. “Thanks, Alec.” Her eyes were glassy. “For what it’s worth. I’m sorry, you know?”
“For ruining my life?” I snorted. “Right. I’m sorry too. Just…” I ran my hands through my disheveled hair. “Just figure your shit out while you’re here and do everyone a favor and disappear. No good will come from us being seen together, and we only have a few weeks until Angelica makes good on her threat.”
“But…” April reached out and grabbed my arm. “You said you won’t tell. You’re not going to tell him are you?”
Pissed, I jerked back. “Well, what could I really say? Huh, April? What could I tell them other than what you’ve already told me? Sorry, but I woke up nak*d in some married woman’s bed with a hell of a headache? Sorry, but somehow, Angelica got pictures of me leaving the hotel room with my shirt on backwards? Or how about this? This should be good. Somehow there were pictures taken of me in the woman’s bed… and now I’m being blackmailed by her husband and some skinny bitch that I’m forced to work with every day as a sort of penance for my sins. Which of those options sounds good enough to you? Huh? Or wait…”I was really on a roll. “How about, hey Demetri, guess what! Jaymeson’s mom—”
April slapped me hard across the face. I deserved it. I grabbed her wrist and blinked back tears. “Harder. Slap me harder.”
April tried to reach for me again. I jerked away. “Don’t, just… don’t. Please leave it alone. I’ll deal with it. I’ll keep my mouth shut, but don’t for one second believe I’m going to take the fall all on my own.”