We held hands over the console in complete silence. Alyssa was still shaking, but at least she was breathing like a normal human being now. I probably should have told her where I was going or asked if she wanted to come with me, but I thought she’d still be too pissed at me to even want to see my face.
I’d been so lost in thought that I’d gone all the way into Canon Beach and then realized I forgot my wallet. So not only was I without any sort of ID or cash, but I was driving illegally.
Good times.
“Did you get the taffy?” she finally asked, breaking the tense silence.
“No.” I laughed at her weird way of breaking the silence. “I forgot my wallet, so know that I’m totally illegal right now.”
“Want me to drive?” How cute was she?
“And suffer a panic attack? No, I’ll take my chances. Also, you’ve just suffered a crazy trauma. I mean, I’m alive, but ten minutes ago you thought I was dead, so yeah, let’s not tempt fate. I imagine you’re going to be needing Xanax any minute now.”
Alyssa laughed lightly and squeezed my hand. “Um, do you think we can stop somewhere first?”
“Sure.” I exhaled slowly allowing my heart to go back to its natural rhythm. “Where do you want to go?”
“Drive past town, then when we get to Astoria, take a left on the first street before we hit the stoplight.”
“Okay…” And the silence was again deafening as I drove for the next twenty minutes. It took forever to get on the other side of Seaside, considering the speed limit was twenty.
Finally, we reached Astoria, and it began to rain. Of course.
Panic set in when I realized where she was taking me. The cemetery. I pulled into the parking lot and ran around to the other side of the car to open her door.
Alyssa gave me a sad smile and grabbed my hand. We walked for a few minutes and then she stopped.
I didn’t want to look at the grave. I already knew who it was. Instead, I watched her, gauged her reaction. Rain fell across her cheekbones and ran down to her lips. Some caught in her mouth, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss the water away.
Soon salty tears mixed with the rain, and I couldn’t tell which was which, all I knew is I wanted it to be gone. I would bleed myself till I was dry if she would just have peace.
“Brady.” She choked a sob. “This is Demetri Daniels. He’s kind of famous.”
“Kind of?” I joked.
Alyssa rolled her eyes and wiped some of the tears and rain away from her face. “Sorry, my mistake. Brady, this is Demetri Daniels. He’s a rock god.” She lifted an eyebrow in my direction. I nodded my head.
“Better.”
“He’s a mess,” she continued. Ouch. “I mean, a huge mess.
As in, he is all kinds of screwed up. He’s a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. He hates the color purple, he hates birds, and he refuses to go to zoos.”
I cleared my throat.
“He’s also the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. He’s kind, generous, funny, and he’s like the sun, always shining, which I think I kind of need, considering I live in Seaside and all. He makes the clouds go away, and sometimes when I think of his smile, I close my eyes and find peace.”
“I’m telling you all of this so you know… my heart… it didn’t die with you in the accident. I thought it did, but I was wrong. I thought the pieces were scattered and impossible for me to put back together again. With Demetri I discovered that my heart still beat, and the pieces weren’t broken like I thought. They just needed someone who knew what they were doing.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I love him, Brady. It isn’t the same love that I had with you…”
My stomach dropped.
“It’s better. Because I finally understand what love is. It isn’t rainbows and butterflies. It isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it’s jagged like broken glass, and sometimes it hurts. But love, the type of love that’s real — the love Demetri has shown me — it’s selfless, it’s persistent. Real love pushes your boundaries, it pulls until you snap, and then when you think you can’t take anymore, it’s relentless in its pursuit of your body, soul, and heart.”
I was immobile as I closed my eyes and listened to the poetry of her words. Everything was in slow motion, the way the rain felt against my face as her words echoed in my heart like a lullaby. Fire ignited my soul at her truth, at the truth of existence, the truth of what love was.
“I didn’t choose to love Demetri, Brady. It just happened.
But the minute my heart made that decision, it was impossible to go back. It was like trying to breathe without air. I’m finally okay with letting you go. I’m finally okay with forgiving you, because I know whose arms I belong in. I know that the minute I turn away from your grave, I make the conscious choice to open my heart to real love. The love every person deserves. Goodbye, Brady.”
I opened my eyes to see Alyssa right in front of me. Makeup ran down her face, her teeth were chattering, and her clothes were plastered to her body. I’d never seen anything more beautiful than her in that moment. Her eyes were shining. Her smile was wide and bright. I reached out, needing to touch her, needing to know that this moment between us was real.
“I love you, Alyssa.”
“I love you, Demetri.” She exhaled against my neck. Her breath was warm, sending chills all the way down my back. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Wait…” I released her and walked over to the grave. I’d spent and awful lot of time cursing the guy that I should thank for saving Alyssa’s life. Granted, he screwed up big time, and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t punch him in the face if he was standing in front of me. But still, his body shielded her from the accident.
I licked my lips. “Thank you. For protecting her, for saving her, but most of all, for not being selfish enough to keep her for yourself when you knew you couldn’t be faithful. I still want to hit you for all those times you kissed her when I couldn’t. I still cringe when I think of places your hands were that mine have yet to explore, but in the end, she’s mine. She’ll always be mine, so thank you. For finally allowing her to let go.”
Alyssa walked up behind me and looped her arms around my chest. Her head bent to my back. I closed my eyes and memorized the moment. Just me and the love of my life, her dead ex-boyfriend, and the rain. Hell, I couldn’t have written a story this screwed up. But I’m glad that sometimes even bad things can be turned to good. I’m glad that the Creator of this messed up universe saw something redeemable in me and gifted me with an angel, when I deserved much less.
Chapter Thirty-five
Demetri
“I could seriously sleep for five years,” I grumbled once we made it back to my beach house. I refused to let Alyssa out of my sight. I may have lured her to my place under false pretenses. I told her we had hot chocolate. I lied.
“Where’s this famous hot chocolate?” she asked. Damn mind-reading women.
“Uh… Up there.” Shameless, I know. I pointed to the top shelf. She walked over and stretched up against the counter. My mouth went completely dry as my eyes burned wild shameless circles around her body.
“Hmm.” She put her hands on her hips. “I didn’t see it.”
“Try again.” I was going to burn some place very hot for all this taunting.
She stretched again, this time her shirt came up, revealing her flat stomach and a cute belly button. I must have made some sort of embarrassing moan or something because she froze and then turned to give me an icy glare.
“There is not hot chocolate, is there?”
I smirked and then shrugged. “Um, I don’t know. Care to look again?”
“You ass!” She charged towards me. I didn’t even put up a fight as she pushed me against the counter. I just grabbed her and lifted her into the air. She wrapped her legs around my waist and kissed me across the mouth.
“I’m sorry…” I said between kisses. “To be fair… I just wanted you alone… in my house… without any interruptions.”
“What about Nat and Alec?” she asked tugging my lower lip.
“Damn, woman… I… um…” I tasted her tongue and groaned. “They’re out.”
“Where?”
“What?” I nibbled her neck and moved lower pulling her soaking wet shirt away from her shoulder.
“Where are they?”
“Who?” What the hell was she talking about? Her skin was perfect. I wanted to both touch and then memorize every single touch and how it affected her.
“Your brother. Demetri, are you even listening?”
“No,” I answered honestly. “I stopped listening the minute you wrapped your legs around my waist, and if you don’t say stop, I’m going to be laying you across the kitchen counter in five seconds.”
“Five seconds, huh? That’s pretty fast. You improve your time, bro?” My brother’s idiot voice echoed through the kitchen.
Slowly, I pulled away from Alyssa and set her on the floor.
Both Alec and Nat were standing in the kitchen, ridiculous grins on their faces as they watched me struggle with my embarrassment at nearly laying claim to my girlfriend near last night’s ranch dip.
“Uhh….” I scratched my head. “Damn it! Just go away.
We’re busy.”
“We can tell,” Nat said triumphantly.
“And we can’t go,” Alec said, smug grin in place. Was it illegal to strangle him in our house? I wondered if that was assault…
“Our publicist and agent are taking a flight out to Portland tonight,” he said, looking between me and Alyssa. “I take it she’s in?”
“In what?” Alyssa asked, wrapping her arms around my side.
“The show. It’s a go. We have to do it, and anyone who hangs out with us has to sign a contract and stuff.”
Alyssa nodded. “I think I can do it. I mean, if it means being with Demetri I have no choice.”
I exhaled in relief while giving Alec the glare he deserved.
Must we talk about this right now?
“There’s some other stuff…”Alec gave me the look that said there was way more than some other stuff going on. Was he even keeping Nat out of the loop? “Nat, why don’t you show Alyssa the bathroom so she can change out of her wet clothes and take a shower.” His eyes never left mine the whole time. Shit. This was bad.
“Sure.” Nat looped her arm with Alyssa’s and they disappeared up the stairs.
“What are you keeping from her?” I asked once they were out of earshot.
“Everything.” Alec sighed. “They want another famous couple for the show.”
“Don’t they have enough? I mean they’re going to be stealing our privacy already. It’s you, me, Nat, and Alyssa.”
“And Jaymeson.”
“Pardon?” I had just taken a hug swig of water and began coughing wildly. Alec thumped me on the back.