“I’m here,” I said, getting off the boxes and pushing them out of the way. I opened the door and was met by quite a group. Three cops and five friends.
“Oh, Katie,” Stryker said, reaching out for me. I shook my head.
“I’m okay. I just…” I looked at all of them. “I want to f**king kill him, the bastard.” My weird floaty feeling was gone, replaced with something that burned hotter and brighter.
Rage.
“Where is he?” I said to one of the cops. “I have a few things I’d like to tell him.”
The cop looked at me with a stunned expression.
“We, uh, took him into custody. I don’t think you should see him right now.” He tried to put his hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.
“No, I’m not done with him yet. I’m going to make him regret everything he did to me.” I tried to lunge past the crowd, which wasn’t the brightest thing to do because about six sets of arms were there to stop me.
“Let me go!” I said, trying to shove my way through and failing. “I’m going to make him wish he was never born.” I growled, and another set of hands clasped my face, forcing me to look into a set of lovely green eyes.
“You already got him. You got him. He doesn’t have any power over you. He never did. He is nothing. Nothing, compared to you, do you understand, Katie? He’s nothing.” He pulled me into his arms and whispered the last part into my ear as he crushed me into his chest.
“Nothing, nothing, nothing.” Rocking me back and forth, he said it over and over. I was sure the cops were giving us strange looks, but they stepped back.
“I hate him,” I whispered into his pounding heart.
“I know, I know. I hate him too. The only reason I’m not killing him for you is because I’m holding you. You’re the only thing keeping me from making a big mistake and ending up in jail.” His voice shook a little as the cops talked back and forth about what to do. I knew from experience that I’d have to give a statement and so forth. It was going to be a long night. I wished I could rewind and go back to when I was so excited about my hair.
Stryker held me for as long as it took for both of us to calm down enough that we didn’t both bolt.
“Can I give my statement tomorrow? I’m really tired,” I said to one of the cops.
He said something into his radio. “Are you sure? It’s best to get everything while it’s fresh in your mind.”
“Oh, it will still be fresh tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?” I appreciated his concern, but I couldn’t do it tonight.
I nodded. “Yes. I just want to go home with my boyfriend.” I squeezed Stryker’s hand.
“Okay, well just come in tomorrow when you’re ready. He’s not going to be bothering you anymore tonight.” He gave me his card and I thanked them for their quick response.
We all stood silently in the hallway. Then Simon’s stomach growled so loud we all heard it.
He blushed. “What? My stomach didn’t know there was a crisis. I can’t help it.”
“Sorry guys,” I said, leaning against Stryker.
“Are you kidding? What do you have to be sorry for?” Simon said. “I’m sorry about my stomach. Shut up stomach,” he said, tilting his head down as if he was talking to it.
“Let’s go back home and order pizza. What do you think?” Stryker said.
“Good idea,” I said, letting him lead me back toward the stairs.
“If he ever lays a finger on you—” Stryker started to say.
“He won’t. I’ll break his hands off first,” I said. “Nobody will ever make me feel that way again, least of all Zack.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “That’s my girl.”
Chapter Thirty-one
Stryker
She put on a brave front, but I woke up in the middle of the night to find her whimpering in her sleep. I was still on edge about the whole thing, so I wasn’t sleeping at all.
“Katie, wake up.” I shook her shoulder and her eyes popped open.
Looking left and right she searched for me. “Whaaa?”
“You were dreaming, sweetheart. It’s okay.” She wiped her eyes and sat up.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
“Do you want some tea or something?” I’d do anything I could to try to make it better, or at least not suck so much.
“Yeah, sure.” She closed her eyes and sat back, breathing as if she’d just run a mile.
I made her some tea in the microwave and brought it back. She was messing with her hair.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” she said as I handed her the mug.
“You didn’t. I was already awake. I couldn’t sleep after…everything.”
She sipped the tea and moved so she could lean against me. I put my arm around her and my chin on the top of her head.
“I just feel like I’ll never be free of him. That he’s always going to be lurking in the back of my mind. He’ll be that thing I’m afraid of when the house is quiet and I’m alone and I let my mind go to a dark place.”
I sighed, wishing I knew what to say, what to do to change it. But we all had our demons, and we all carried them with us. That was just part of life.
“He’s always going to be a part of you, of your past. It happened and in the absence of a time machine to go back and change things, that’s always going to be the case. The only thing you can control is how you respond to it. There are so many people that wouldn’t be able to pick themselves up after what you’ve been through. Those people wouldn’t even bother to get out of bed, let alone give their heart to someone else after what he did to it. But you did. You do. Every day. And that’s all you can do. Be strong, move forward.”
“You and me,” she said, turning to give me a kiss.
“Even without me. You are strong, and you will survive. Always.”
“But I’d rather do it with you.”
I kissed her back. “Me too.”
***
The alarm rang much too early, but I did end up getting some sleep, wrapped around Katie. Both of us had class, but we skipped to go make her statement. She figured that was a valid excuse, and I concurred. We also dodged calls and texts from the group, asking how we were, and we were somehow able to sneak past Lottie and Zan’s new apartment without them being the wiser.
“They’re so sweet, and they mean well. There’s just so many of them,” Katie said as we got back in her car after giving her statement.
“I’ve never had this many people concerned about my welfare before. It’s stifling.” She nodded. “Hey, do you want me to drop you off at class?”
She shook her head.
“We’re just doing reviews in most of my classes, so I don’t really need to be there. What about you?”
“Same.” A smile started growing on her face. “What did you have in mind?”
“Just a little something. I’m going to be gone aaaallll weekend.”
“I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down and I like it.” I smiled as she put her hand on mine on the shifter.
We couldn’t get to the bedroom fast enough.
Katie
Mom’s reaction to my hair wasn’t nearly as dramatic as I expected. Before Dad died, it probably would have been. Her eyes just went wide and she sighed and shook her head like when I was little and I spilled something.
I didn’t tell her about Zack showing up at my dorm, but she found out anyway through the grapevine. Her reaction to that was more intense. So much so that she installed a security system, including a motion detector that turned on the outside lights. I thought it was overkill, but with her living alone, it probably wasn’t such a bad idea.
I emailed Kayla and gave her the low down, and she messaged back right away that she was coming home early for Christmas and bringing Adam, and that they were going to take some time off and stay with mom for a few months. At least until the next semester was over and I’d be home for the summer.
Right. Home for the summer. I emailed Kayla back saying that was great. I had a whole other semester to figure out what I was going to do this summer. I’d worry about that later.
The rest of the weekend I spent picking up on the slack, including paying bills and doing a few loads of laundry.
I caught Mom crying over her wedding album just before I was due to leave and go back to school on Sunday night.
“Mom?” Most of the time I pretended like I didn’t hear her crying because she worked so hard to hide it. I’d cried a little here and there, but nothing like I should be. Guess that denial thing was still going strong.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She shoved the album away and wiped her eyes with her hand.
“No, it’s okay. You have every right to cry.” I grabbed the newly-replenished tissues and handed them to her.
“I just keep expecting things to get better, you know?” She blew her nose and I sat down beside her, looking at the pictures of my then-young parents, gazing adoringly at each other. They’d had their tough times, but I never doubted their love for one another.
“Everyone says it will get better, but I still feel like a part of me is missing.”
“That’s because a part of you is. When you love someone, you give them a little piece of yourself to keep. When they die, or they leave, they take it with them.” Even Zack had taken a little bit of me with him. “When you lose someone, you have to learn how to live without that missing piece.”
She sighed and blew her nose again.
“When did you get so smart?”
“Just recently.” I took the used tissue from her and chucked it in the trash, closing the album with my other hand. “Listen, I have to get back, but I’ll be here for break next week. All I have are finals, and then I’ll be home, and Kayla will be here, okay?”
“You don’t have to take care of me.” She slid the album back into its place on her dresser.
“Of course I do.” I got up and gave her a hug. “You’re my mother.”
“I just can’t imagine what Christmas is going to be like. I don’t even want to think about it. Nothing’s going to be the same.”
“I know.”
She hugged me back and then touched my hair.
“Pink, huh? It looks cute on you.” She ran some of the newly-pink hair through her fingers. I was still getting used to it, but I was still thrilled with how it turned out. I felt more…me with it.
“Thanks.”
Mom let out a sigh, pushing my hair over my shoulders.
“So, is that boy going to be around? The one that brought you to the hospital?”
Mom still couldn’t remember his name.
“Stryker?”
She nodded.
“Is he allowed to be around?”
“Well, I just thought that you said he didn’t have a place to go for Thanksgiving, so he might not have a place to go at Christmas, and he was so great when everything happened that you might want to invite him over.” She put on a smile as I tried to figure out if it was opposite day.