“We’re not nak*d, Lot,” I said, jumping down off my bed where I’d been helping Stryker fill in the leaves of a vine he’d been drawing along the top of my wall.
“Oh, I didn’t think you were.” She opened her eyes and set her bag down.
“Then why were your eyes closed?” Stryker said, swapping markers with me.
“Just being cautious. What are you doing?”
“Changing my wall up a bit since I can’t actually paint it.”
“Cool. How are you doing?” she said, looking at me.
“I’m…good, actually. Not fine.”
Lottie smiled and I could tell she’d been worried about me all day.
“So, I got elected to ask, since I’m your roommate, what’s the deal here?” She pointed at Stryker and me.
“We are officially together-together,” I said.
“Boyfriend/girlfriend?”
Stryker jumped down next to me. “Yes, we are. Right, sweetheart?”
“Yes, my beloved.”
He put his arm around me and I leaned into him.
“You’re not going to talk like that all the time, are you? Because I think I liked you better as f**k buddies if that’s the case.”
“Look, I’ve suffered through you and Zan, so you can deal,” I said.
“Fine, fine. Look, I have to text your sister because she’s been up my butt about asking since I told her that you had spent the night together.”
“She didn’t say anything, did she?” Stryker said, his arm tightening around me, just a little.
“Say anything about what?”
He tried to shrug it off. “I don’t know. She’s Trish.”
“True,” Lottie said, taking out her phone. About three seconds after she sent the text, my phone rang. I would have been shocked if it hadn’t.
“I should probably take this outside. I have a feeling I’m about to get reamed out and emasculated at the same time,” he said, laughing a little, but I could tell he was tense. He did that jaw-clench thing that made his face even more attractive.
He closed the door and Lottie seized her moment.
“Well that was unexpected. I mean, I always sort of knew you’d end up together, but I didn’t know it would be this quick, and…like this. Not that I’m judging you, because I can’t throw stones, especially where relationships are concerned—”
“Lottie. It’s cool. I swear. Do you remember what a hard time I gave you about Zan? And also that I kept it from you that I slept with him?”
Her face went red.
“Yeah. Right. That.”
“It’s okay. I feel good, and under the circumstances, that’s…good. He loves me.”
“He said it?”
“Yeah, he did.”
“Wow. Just…wow.”
“Why so shocked?”
“Well, it’s just that Stryker doesn’t date, seriously, at least according to Trish.” He’d told me some about his dating history, but in this instance, I kind of wanted to be kept in the dark. Besides, it was a bit of a pot and kettle situation.
“Not that I’m saying you shouldn’t date him.”
“I know, Lot. It’s okay.” I put my hands on her shoulders to stop any future verbal geysers.
“Okay.” She let out a deep breath. “Um, so now can I be super happy for you?”
“Yes, you can.”
“What’s that?” She pointed to a drawing on my neck that hadn’t quite faded.
“It’s a long story,” I said.
***
“How did it go?” I said when Stryker came back from his chat with Trish. He looked like he’d just been told his entire collection of musical instruments had been smashed.
“Oh, you know Trish. She doesn’t pull any punches.” He tried a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Is she mad at you?”
“Just mad that she didn’t know first. I guess when I make declarations of love from now on, I’m supposed to inform her first.” He was still hiding something, but Lottie interrupted.
“You guys want to go to dinner?”
“Seeing as how we’ve only eaten ice cream today, yes, I could use some real food,” he said.
“Ice cream is real food,” Lottie said. “Did you eat all of it?” She ran to the mini-fridge and pulled open the now-empty freezer.
“Uh, yeah,” he said.
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s fine,” she said, closing the door. “We can always get more.”
***
I called Kayla before our dinner to check in on mom. I still couldn’t believe that I’d let everything with Stryker happen, but he was right. I couldn’t let dad dying ruin the rest of my life.
“She had some soup, so that’s something, I guess,” she said.
“Can I talk to her?”
“She’s not really in a talking mood.” She held the phone out and I could hear Mom sobbing. Kayla must have been standing outside her bedroom door.
“Oh.”
I wanted so much to tell her about Stryker and that he said he loved me and that we were together, but it seemed disgustingly selfish to bring it up.
“Heard from Adam?”
“Yeah, he finally got the chance to send an email. He’s glad to be back, and he feels like shit for leaving me, but it is what it is.”
We talked about a few more things and I almost mentioned Stryker, but Kayla did it for me.
“How’s everything back there?” she said. I heard water running, and splashing so I assumed she was doing the dishes.
“Good.”
“Everyone glad you’re back?”
“Are you asking about my friends or about Stryker?”
“The second.”
“He’s…he’s good. We’re good.”
The splashing stopped. “What is this ‘we’ you speak of?”
“Yeah, there’s a ‘we’ now.”
“Are you serious?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“When did that happen?”
“Last night.” I still hadn’t gotten around to fixing up the bed again.
“Katie, you didn’t.” Here came the lecture. “Do you really think this is the right time?”
“When is it the right time? I didn’t plan on it. He said he loved me and I said it too and now we’re together. You were all for this not that long ago.”
“I know I was…it’s just that things are different now.”
“Because of Dad?”
“I just don’t think this is the right time to jump into something. I’m trying to look out for you because I love you. You’ve been through a lot and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I’m fine, Kayla.”
“I don’t want to fight with you, especially not about this. Just…be careful and I love you.”
“I know, love you too.”
I hung up and went back into my room. Stryker and Lottie were debating about who they thought was the killer from an old Law and Order we’d been watching. It was definitely the husband’s lawyer, but I kept my mouth shut.
“She ream you out too?” Stryker said, leaning on his elbow.
“Sort of. It was more gentle than a reaming. More like a few words of caution.”
“I wish my sister knew anything about the word gentle,” he said as I sat next to him on my bed and he put his arm around me.
“Is she that upset about us being together?”
His eyes flicked back to the TV. “No, not really.”
“Then what is she so upset about?”
Lottie looked away from the show and at Stryker too.
“I told you, she’s pissed that I didn’t tell her before I told you.”
“But she’s happy, right?”
“More like bitter that she’s still alone.”
“Why is it different than when we were together but not really together?” For a guy who was pretty smooth normally, he was having a hard time coming up with a story.
“It’s just different.” He rolled over so he couldn’t look at me.
“Yeah, sure.”
As soon as I could, I was going to text Trish and get to the bottom of this. Consuming myself with Stryker’s secret was much better than thinking about Dad or his ashes or the fact that I still had all of Zack’s gifts under my bed. Stryker kept kicking them whenever he could, but he didn’t know what they were. I’d made some vague excuse.
Zack.
I’d thought about him a few times today, but only in contrast to Stryker. When Zack told me he loved me, it was only because he thought he should, like it was an obligation. When I said it to him the first time, I’d been drunk, and I couldn’t really take it back. He always followed it with “babe.” “I love you, babe,” he’d say. I hadn’t realized how much I absolutely hated him calling me that until after everything had happened.
He still sent me a text here and there, but they were fewer and farther between. Maybe he was finally getting some help. I thought about asking Zan, but he said he’d cut ties with his family and wasn’t keeping up with Zack’s comings and goings.
“You guys ready to go?” Lottie said, as there was a knock at the door.
“Yup,” I said, grabbing my coat. Stryker jumped up and helped me put it on.
“Where are we going?” I said as Lottie opened the door to reveal the rest of the crew. They all stared at Stryker and me.
“Okay, okay, you can stop staring,” Lottie said. “Nothing to see here, just two crazy kids in love.” She gave me a wink and Stryker took my hand.
I heard a weird noise and looked for the source. Trish was lasering the evilest of evil eyes directly at Stryker. If looks could kill…
I knew Trish well enough to know that it wasn’t mere jealousy that was making her look at Stryker as if she wanted to reduce him to a pile of ash, like a vampire in the sunlight.
“Let’s go,” Simon said, giving Brady a look. “I’m starved.”
We all trooped down the hallway with Trish still giving Stryker a death glare.
“Where are we going?” I asked the group in general.
“Caroline’s?” Simon said.
Caroline’s was one of the nicest places in town, more of a lounge than a bar. It wasn’t cheap, either. I always thought of it as a grown-up place.
“Uh, can we all afford that?”
“We’re just planning on ordering a shit ton of appetizers and sharing,” Will said. “I also have a friend who’s a busboy who could bring us some scraps from other people’s plates if we get really starved.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I said.
“You okay with that?” I said to Stryker, hoping no one else would hear.
“As long as I’m with you, I don’t care where I am.”
“Ditto,” I said, and I squeezed his hand, but one look behind at Trish’s angry face was all it took to remind me that there was something he was keeping from me and the sooner I figured out what it was, the better.