“Alright, then.” Julian reached his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him on the couch. “Then how about we just toast to beauty?”
In his expression, she could see that he was telling her the truth, but she did not know how he could possibly think she was beautiful. Her throat ran dry and she swallowed.
“Yes,” she said. “To beauty.”
They clinked their glasses and took a sip.
“Maaaaahhhhvelous,” Julian said, licking his lips as he looked at her. “So now, tell me more about yourself.”
Shannon felt a rush of anxiety sweep over her. She was nobody, certainly not a girl who could compare to a famous rock star. What could she tell him that was interesting?
“I’m just finishing up at the state school,” she said. “Um, like I said. And I work part-time at an art studio.”
“So you’re a model?” Julian asked.
“No! I just, you know, clean up and take care of the paperwork, sign people up for classes, take care of the darkroom and other photography stuff.”
“Is that what you’re majoring in? Photography?”
Shannon nodded. “My parents were furious when I told them I wanted to do art for a living. But I’ve taken a lot of business classes too, so it’s not that bad.”
God, it sounded so lame when she said it like that. But Julian listened attentively.
“I could tell it was something like that,” he said.
“Like what?” She gulped her wine, which for all their exaggeration was actually quite delicious. It was smoother than any wine Shannon had ever tasted, the flavors as intoxicating as the alcohol.
“The way you look at the world,” Julian said. “When your eyes move over something, it’s like you’re actually seeing it. Most people just walk around like they’re living in a haze. But you pay attention to things.”
Shannon chuckled. “I guess. Not much of a life skill.”
“It’s the same way I listen to music,” Julian said. “Like every little piece of it is so intense.”
“That must be nice,” Shannon murmured.
Julian’s face lit up. “Wait here.”
“What am I waiting for?” Shannon asked, but he was already gone out of the room. Shannon sat patiently, sipping her wine. She was startled when music started to play overhead and the room lights dimmed. Julian came back, pointing to the ceiling.
“It’s not the best sound system,” he said. “But I want you to hear this.”
“What is it?”
“Something I wrote,” Julian said. “Just listen.”
Shannon put her glass of wine on the side table and settled into the couch. Julian came to join her, and she was surprised to feel his arms lift her body up and over so that she was cradled against his chest. She leaned her head against his body, feeling the warmth of his skin through his shirt. It felt as intimate as though they were long-time lovers cuddling at the end of a normal workday.
At first the song started out with a simple guitar riff. Shannon listened to the strings being plucked, and whether it was the wine or the music or just the fact that she was lying in Julian Bremmer’s arms, she felt as though it was her body being plucked along with the guitar. Her entire being shivered as each new note rang out, each nerve vibrating differently.
Another guitar part came in at a different rhythm. Julian slid his hands around her, clasping them around her waist. She sucked in her stomach automatically.
“Relax,” he whispered into her ear.
Shannon let out a breath. The two guitars were intertwined now, the different melodic structures playing off of each other. Sometimes the parts would combine in harmony, and sometimes they would draw apart, dancing off into their own parts of the musical scale, seemingly ignorant of each other.
Shannon closed her eyes. Each guitar seemed to be weaving its own thread through the air, and when she let herself drift into the music she could see them visually. It was as if the notes were painting the backs of her eyelids, waving ribbons of color around in different patterns. It was beautiful, whatever it was.
She had never listened to music in this way before, trying to tease out the different parts. Songs had always just been something that she sang along to on the radio or in the shower. Here, though, there were only two strands to follow, and it was much easier for her to see how they worked together to form a cohesive whole.
Julian’s hands came up to her br**sts and Shannon tilted her head back against his shoulder. Her heart was beating faster as he cupped her through her dress. His thumb slid over her full bosom, brushing against her nipple. She moaned.
“Pay attention,” Julian said, his voice teasing. “This is the best part.”
“You should stop distracting me if you want me to pay attention,” Shannon said. She opened her eyes slightly and saw that Julian had his eyes closed as well. She felt a pang of anxiety in her at the sight. Was she not pretty enough? But then Julian hugged her close and nuzzled against her ear, and she forgot her nervousness. She closed her eyes again.
The guitars were rising now, their dance growing frantic. The melodies crashed together and then pulled apart again, drawing out the tension. The song grew louder and louder, and Shannon saw in her mind the strips of color tearing across a blank canvas, fighting for dominance as they grew louder, faster—
Then there was silence. Julian’s hands were still caressing her br**sts, but the music had stopped.
“What happened?” Shannon asked. She twisted in Julian’s arms.
“That’s all I’ve got so far,” Julian said.
“What do you mean, that’s all you’ve got? It stopped right in the middle!”
“I can’t figure out the transition to the next part,” Julian said, laughing at her fierce tone.
“So you know what comes next?”
“I’ve got an idea.”
“Well, then, play it for me!” Shannon turned on the couch and sat up.
“I can’t,” Julian said. “Not yet. Not until I have it all figured out.”
Shannon crossed her arms.
“You,” she said, narrowing her eyes, “are a goddamn tease.”
Julian burst out laughing.
“I don’t think anyone has ever accused me of that before,” he said.
“Well, it’s true.”
“Oh, is it?” Julian put his arm around Shannon’s shoulder, but she shrugged it off.
“Tease.”
“Come on, beautiful,” Julian said. “I’ll write the end soon and let you listen to it. Nobody else has even heard the first part yet.”
Shannon’s heart jumped at his words. Both at the idea that she was beautiful, and at the idea that he would share something so private with her. Something that he hadn’t shared with anyone else.
“I want to hear the end of that song.”
“You will.” Julian grabbed her hands and pulled her up off of the couch. She came reluctantly.
“Where are we going?”
“Well,” Julian said, his arm around her, “I thought I should dispel all those terrible rumors.”
“Rumors?” They were at a door, and Julian spun her around, pressing her up against the oak. He kissed her hard, and the ache of desire that ran through her made her instantly wet again. His hands ran down over her body, crumpling the shimmering fabric between his fingers. He lifted the hem of her dress slightly, running his hands along her buttocks. She squirmed.
“There’s this terrible rumor going around,” he said, whispering in her ear. “That I’m a tease.”
Shannon blushed, but before she could say anything he had opened the door and they were stumbling into the bedroom. Julian lifted her onto the bed as though she were weightless, and she gasped at his strength. Then he was on top of her, kissing her, his legs pressing insistently between her thighs. Her dress was hiked up to her hips, and she felt herself burning with longing.
The bed was huge; she was like a miniature person lying atop the fluffy comforter. It was the most comfortable bed she had ever been on, and she writhed underneath Julian, letting her body sink into the padding. Then Julian pulled back and sat up.
“Look at you,” he said. He gestured to the side of the room. The closet door was a giant sliding mirror, and in the dim lights Shannon could see herself lying down, Julian between her legs. She flushed. He was so handsome, and as he unbuttoned his shirt her lips parted slightly. Unconsciously her tongue flicked out and licked her lips.
He ripped off his shirt and tossed it to the floor. The man was built like a Greek statue, all muscle and no fat. Every part of him was toned and tan, the perfect model of a man. A rock star.
“Don’t look at me,” Julian said, watching her eyes in the mirror. “Look at you.”
Shannon didn’t want to. She tore her eyes away from Julian and prepared herself to look at her own reflection. When she did, she knitted her brows in a frown. Her thighs were humongous, and her stomach seemed to push out against the fabric of her dress in a stupidly unflattering way. Everything about her seemed wrong.
“It’s all wrong,” she whispered to herself.
Julian noticed her expression.
“Agreed,” he said. “All wrong.”
Shannon felt a lump rise into her throat. For the first time since she had arrived in the apartment, she felt confronted with her own appearance. She hated it.
“You have entirely too many clothes on,” he said. “It’s horrible.”
Shannon smiled wanly and turned her eyes back to Julian. She wanted all of the lights to be off, she wanted the mirror gone. He reached down and unzipped her dress, pulling it up over her hips. She tilted herself back, letting him take off the slinky dress. His hand slid around her back and unhooked her bra expertly.
“We really need to fix this,” he said. “What is all this fabric doing? It’s in the way.”
He threw the bra down next to where his shirt had landed. Shannon expected him to take off his own pants, to get it done quickly, but he just sat back after taking off her bra, staring down at her body.
She felt totally vulnerable. Even in the dim lights, she could see everything, every part of her that was wrong or bulging. Her arms came up awkwardly against her sides. She couldn’t hide it. She felt invaded by his eyes.
“My god, you are gorgeous.”
Shannon couldn’t help but laugh once, hard.
“I think you need glasses,” she said. There was no hiding the bitter note that crept into her voice.
“No.” Julian shook his head decisively. “I could just look at you forever.”
Shannon twisted uncomfortably on the bed.
“I’m sorry,” Julian said. “I’m sorry. But you have to see what I see.” His hands stroked her legs, her thighs. She thanked heaven that she had shaved earlier.
He bent forward and kissed her on the forehead. Her body relaxed slightly as she felt the warmth of his chest against hers. He caressed her cheek, gazing deeply into her eyes, then tilted her head towards the mirror.
“Look,” he said. She could just make out the sliver of space between their bodies as she watched in the mirror.