What a loser I am. Thinking about school even when I’m at a Wilder Side concert.
Shannon thought that perhaps Julian was nervous, but then he looked up at the crowd during a break in his part and she could see that there was no hint of anxiety in his eyes. He was totally calm and confident, surveying the throngs of cheering fans without any pause or hesitation. You love us, his expression seemed to say, because we deserve it.
He did deserve it – Shannon was amazed at how fast his fingers worked the strings during his solos. It seemed effortless for him, and yet the music came out frenetic, hard and fast and perfect for every song.
The concert was over too soon, and as soon as the last note was played Julian had his guitar slung back over his shoulder, unplugging his equipment. The only concession to the audience was a quick wave with one hand. The music was done and he was done too, as though it were the notes that buoyed him up and allowed him to survive on stage.
“I can’t wait to see Alex,” Jason said as they filed up towards the back room.
“Sure,” Shannon said. She was off in fantasy land already. Sure, Alex was great, but she couldn’t get her mind off of the deep brown eyes of the guitarist.
“You, come with me.” The band manager’s words interrupted her thoughts and for a moment she was disoriented. Then Jason was pulling her hand to come along.
The manager who had come over to them looked her up and down.
“Who’s she?”
Shannon blushed deeply. Under his gaze she felt every insecurity of hers come to surface. She was too fat, she wasn’t pretty enough, she wasn’t the right kind of girl. She felt like screaming at him that he wasn’t one to judge, but she knew that it was different for women. She was the one in the tight dress and the spiked heels, and therefore she had to submit her appearance for his approval. It sucked, but that was just the way it was. That was the way it had always been.
The fat man shrugged.
“You’re not a crazy fan, are you?”
“Of course not.” Shannon bristled with the insult. If she had been tall and thin, the man would never judge her as crazy. If she was a beautiful model, he would be the one to grovel at her feet and beg her to come with him. She held onto her anger as they made their way back to another room. Shannon was still hot with embarrassment but it quickly melted away as she saw what was backstage.
Lights, lights everywhere, everything mottled with color. Shannon looked around, ignoring for now the people in the room and reveling in the illuminated atmosphere. It was beautiful here. She wanted to go pull out her camera and shoot the scene exactly how it was.
Jason nudged her and she came back to reality.
“I think he wants to talk to you, Shannon,” Jason said.
“What?” Shannon looked over and saw the guitarist sitting on a couch between two beautiful blonde girls. He tilted his head slightly, his eyes locked on her.
“No way,” she said.
“Way.”
Shannon felt Jason’s hand come around her waist and push her forward. She tottered on her heels.
“Go on, go mingle.”
“I don’t know what to say though!” She looked behind her, certain that there was some other fan that Julian was looking at. It was just her and Jason, though. She felt her stomach gurgle with nervousness.
“Say you’re his biggest fan.”
“You are no help at all, do you know that, Jason?” Shannon inhaled deeply and walked over toward Julian. What could she say? He was already deep in conversation with the two blond beauties, and she fingered her red hair nervously. There was no way he could have wanted her to come over. She stood there for a second, trying to decide whether it would be completely awkward if she just turned and ran out of the room instead of introducing herself.
“Hi.” Julian had stood up and stretched out his hand. “Thanks for coming.”
“Hi,” Shannon said, taking the handshake. His fingers were long, strong, and Shannon felt her own hand enveloped by his, his index finger brushing her wrist. She felt her heart race as their eyes made contact. There was a passion in his gaze that set her entire body aflame. He held her hand just a moment too long and she felt the heat rising up her neck.
She immediately berated herself. He was just a musician, after all. Shannon wasn’t about to be one of those crazy fans.
“Come sit,” Julian said, scooting over on the couch to make room for her next to him. Shannon noticed the blonde girl scowl at her for taking her spot, but she wasn’t about to give up the chance to sit next to Julian Bremmer. The heat from his body radiated outward and made her even warmer than she already was. She agonized over how she should sit. Leaning towards him? Away from him? Shannon crossed her ankles and rested her hands on her knees, hoping that her dress wasn’t too revealing.
He threw back his head to drink a shot of something. Whiskey, if his breath was telling the truth. There were four glasses on the table, and two of them were already empty. He didn’t even cough once after taking the shot, just turned to talk to Shannon in a voice that sounded sober as day. His thigh pressed slightly against hers and she felt an almost electric shock run between their bodies.
“What’s your name?”
“Shannon.”
“Nice to meet you, Shannon. I’m Julian.” Even though he was the guitarist, Shannon thought he could be the lead singer. His voice was molten, growling.
“We were just talking about Fiji.” The other blond girl, the taller one, put her hand on Julian’s knee possessively. “Did you sail to any of the outer islands when you were there?”
“A few, yeah.”
The tall blond girl began to talk about her family’s vacation home out in the Yasawas and how the only good food there was seafood, and so on and so forth. Julian nodded politely, leaning back into his seat, and Shannon pretended to be following the conversation, her attention drifting to Julian’s profile until the tall blond girl turned to her.
“Have you ever been?”
“Excuse me?”
“Have you ever been to Fiji?” The girl looked at her pointedly.
“Um, no,” Shannon said. “I’d love to travel, but I’ve never been out of the country.”
“Oh.” The blond sniffed and turned back to the guitarist, obviously disdainful of Shannon as a conversation partner. “Fiji was nice and all, but nowhere near as nice as New Zealand.” She talked at length about the mountain regions and the nice restaurants she had been to, and began to detail her trip to some mud baths in the middle of the countryside. Shannon was about to stifle a yawn when Julian stood up.
“I’ll be back,” he said.
“Where are you going?” the blond girl said. Her hand was outstretched as though she wanted to prevent his escape.
“Just using the bathroom,” Julian said. He smiled at Shannon, and Shannon felt her heart skip a beat. “Be right back.” As he stood up, he gulped another shot and placed the glass down on the table with a hard thud.
He had just left when the blond girl to Shannon’s side stood up and went to sit by her friend. Sitting next to each other, they looked almost like twins. Twin Barbie dolls, all made up. They were gorgeous, their hair and nails perfectly done. Shannon examined her nails. Although she had just done them for the show, one thumbnail was already chipped. How does that happen?
“He’s cute, don’t you think?” the tall one said.
“Well, he’s no Alex Wilder.”
“Yeah, but he’s famous at least.”
“Kind of famous,” the tall girl said dismissively.
“Fuckable famous, that’s for sure.”
“Well obv, just not, you know, really famous.” The tall girl shook her long straight hair out.
“He’s really talented,” Shannon said, trying to join in the conversation. The two girls looked over at her with twin gazes of intense disapproval, and Shannon knew immediately she had said the wrong thing.
“Right, so what, you think he wants to talk to you?” The tall girl looked down her nose with distaste.
“I just meant... he seems nice. And he plays really well,” Shannon said, flushing a deep red.
“Why did you come over here anyway?” the other girl said. “We were having a nice conversation.”
“Yeah,” echoed the other. “A nice conversation.”
“I’m sorry,” Shannon said, flustered. “I thought—”
“Before you showed up.”
“I don’t even know why they let people like you in anyway,” the girl said, her eyes sweeping down Shannon’s figure. Shannon immediately felt like she wanted to melt through the floor. Her arms crossed over her chest protectively. It was stupid of her to think she could talk to these girls. They were models, both of them, or could be.
“Sorry,” she whispered, her face still hot with embarrassment. She looked around to see if she could find Jason, but he was gone. So was Julian. She was alone.
“Give me a mint,” the tall girl said to her friend. They busied themselves primping each other and reapplying their lip gloss, and Shannon turned away from them on the couch, looking again at the colored lights. The other band members were scattered across the room, mingling with fans, and Shannon thought again of how she could shoot the scene. Impressionistic, maybe, a long focal length... She had felt so wonderful when she first came in, but now with the girls next to her she wanted to run away. If only she could find Jason.
She saw Julian come back into the room and stop to talk with the drummer. They laughed, and Shannon felt her heart twinge as the guitarist’s smile lit up his face. Then he turned towards her and the laugh pulled back into a smile again. It was impossible, that he should be smiling at her, but there it was. She felt the jolt of sexual tension again as his eyes swept down her figure, just as the blond girl had, but with a distinct look of appreciation. He said something to the drummer and then walked across the room.
The blond girls split apart on the couch as the guitarist walked up.
“Come sit here, Julian,” the tall one said. She patted the space between her and her friend.
“Thanks, but I can’t stay,” Julian said.
“Aw, but we’re going to miss you.” Her tone was wheedling.
“Then you’ll have to miss me,” Julian said. He turned to Shannon, and she stuck out her hand politely.
“It was really nice to meet you,” she said.
He took her hand, but not in a handshake. His fingers closed over her palm and he bent down toward her. He was so close that she could smell a hint of his cologne, and she felt a bit dizzy.
“Will you come with me?” Julian said.
Shannon was speechless. Hadn’t he just told the two gorgeous models that he couldn’t stay? She looked over to see them staring at her, mouths agape. It looked like they were as stunned as she was.
“Me?” Shannon said, disbelieving.
Julian smiled.
“You,” he said. Shannon felt her breath catch in her throat, but she nodded at him.
“Sure.” She had to keep herself from screaming out loud. Yes, yes, of course I would like to come with you!