He did it thoroughly.
But even so, I was me.
So it was only temporarily.
Millie
Twenty-three years earlier...
“Five?” I asked incredulously.
“Five,” he answered, grinning up at me.
I was naked on top of Logan in his bed in the two-bedroom apartment he shared with some guy who was not Chaos.
But, since Logan figured his time as a recruit was coming to an end, and his pay at work would increase, this meant he was planning to move into a different place that was only his.
He’d just made love to me after taking me to a fancy steak dinner at the Buckhorn Exchange.
It was fantastic. I got to dress up. I got to see Logan’s version of dressed up (nice shirt, not-too-faded jeans, the ever-present Chaos cut).
He’d not blinked an eye when I got carded after I ordered a beer and showed my fake ID (though he’d teased me about getting away with it when the waiter was gone).
He’d talked me into trying Rocky Mountain oysters (not my favorite) and elk (delicious).
We’d laughed, talked, held hands over the table, and played footsie under it.
In other words, this, our fourth date, was just as good as all three preceding it.
Now we were in his bed and Logan had just told me he wanted five kids.
Five.
My “Seriously?” was again incredulous.
He shrugged against the mattress, still grinning up at me, and explained, “Only got a sister and we’re close. All a’ us. Don’t know why my parents didn’t have more. They didn’t share. Maybe by the time they made their own, they were worn out from the ones their folks had made. Though I think in the beginning it was money and not bein’ able to afford havin’ more. But my folks both came from big families. My dad’s got two brothers and a sister. Ma’s got two brothers and two sisters.”
His arms wrapped tighter and he kept talking.
“Love my family, Millie. Love spendin’ time with them. And I got a lot of that growin’ up. The best times were holidays. Nearly all Dad and Ma’s kin still lived around Durango and we’d get together all the time. Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Lots of food. Loud. Wild. All the kids would go trick-or-treatin’ together, big brood, terrorizin’ the neighborhoods. Huge graduation parties. Big sweet-sixteen parties. We were tight and it was a blast.”
I was no longer incredulous.
I was deeper in love.
“You miss it,” I said softly.
“Yeah,” he replied. “Think, later, my folks wished they didn’t stop. All except for two of their brothers, the rest went whole hog with makin’ babies and not many have moved away, so they still got that in Durango. Same goodness, gettin’ bigger all the time. Fuck, my uncle had to put up a tent last Thanksgiving and heat it so he could put tables out there ’cause there was no room in the house. Which meant, all a’ us out there got to be even louder and rowdier and he didn’t give a fuck. Loved it. We all do.”
I smiled at him. “Sounds like fun.”
His arms around me gave me a squeeze. “Take you there next Thanksgiving.”
That was a future date I was very much looking forward to.
Then again, four days, four dates, and I looked forward more and more to every one.
“I just have a sister,” I told him, changing the subject because I didn’t want to scare him with showing just how much that was true. “Always wanted a brother too.”
He lifted a hand and touched his finger to my temple, trailing it down and back, over my ear until he cupped his hand around the back of my neck.
“You’re young, baby, but you think about kids?” he asked.
“My sister is the absolute best and no way in hell I’m gonna live a life where I don’t have two girls who can share a room and have bunk beds and giggle every night so much me and my man have to shout threats at them to shut up,” I declared, and watched in wonder as his face got soft.
Seeing that, I decided I wasn’t done.
“If this means I have to have three boys before I get my two girls, or five boys, I don’t care. I’m going until I get two girls.”
He started chuckling, his brown eyes lit with humor and warmth, but that soft look never left his face.
“So, you’re prepared to push out seven kids,” he remarked.
“That would not be the optimal scenario,” I replied. “But, yes. To get what I want I’m prepared.”
“Well, I want boys. I’ve got a sister, good friends back in Durango. Havin’ that, not losin’ it even leavin’ town and leavin’ them behind when I headed out to see what was up next in life meant I looked for it here in Denver. And that led me to Chaos. So I know what havin’ a brother is but wish I had it all my life. Want my boys to have that.”
“So, best case, two boys, two girls. Worst case, two boys, two girls, and various wildcards,” I replied, and Logan chuckled again.
“Yeah, though, worst case don’t sound too bad either.”
He was right and I didn’t care that we only had four dates and it was early.
Four dates had done it for me.
This was my guy.
So the thought of giving him as many babies as he wanted thrilled me to pieces.
I didn’t want it the next day or week or month.
But when I got close to graduating from college, I wanted to start thinking about it because I wanted it early so I could be young and enjoy my kids and then be young and enjoy my grandkids.
“Start early,” I whispered hesitantly.
“Oh yeah,” he agreed instantly.
See?