I’d had it all, let it go, and got it all back... and more.
That shit was impossible.
But there it was, in my arms, in my bed, in my house.
Oh yes.
I knew Kellie had been right when she’d laid it out.
But hearing those words, feeling them, I knew Kellie was right.
I’d gone through a rough patch. It was my doing. It lasted a long time.
But now it was over.
“Back at ya,” I whispered.
Logan kissed the top of my head and settled in.
I felt him do it and I fought sleep after he did it, wanting to remain awake and feel all he was giving me even after his breath evened out and his body got heavy around mine.
I couldn’t fight sleep for long because I was right where I was supposed to be.
But I fell asleep on two thoughts.
Our lives might not be perfect.
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t perfectly happy.
* * *
“Babe, just got a call,” Logan announced the next morning as he walked into the living room.
I was in the kitchen preparing brioche French toast. I had two sleepy girls sitting at my bar, Cleo cuddling Chief, who wasn’t certain he wanted to be cuddled, Zadie noticeably, and lamentably, steering clear of both cats even though I could tell she didn’t want to.
I’d have to figure out a way to do something about that.
But in that moment, I was just pleased that neither seemed traumatized after having to spend a night under my roof with me.
It was now their father’s roof too.
Still.
“Yeah?” I asked Logan.
“Boys can do the grading and graveling tomorrow,” he told me, going to his girls and wrapping his arms around both, pulling them together and bending in to kiss the tops of their heads.
Cleo sleepily and happily cuddled into her dad.
To my surprise and delight, Zadie did the same.
I allowed myself to take in that awesomeness before I focused on Logan.
“On a Sunday?” I asked.
“Yep,” he answered, letting his girls go and moving around the bar toward me. “They get it done in the morning, we’ll go to the RV, pick it up, bring it back.”
“Works for me,” I muttered, dropping a slice of brioche into the egg mixture and turning it.
And it did work for me, Logan all moved in and settled. That totally worked for me.
“Today, Millie’s got a surprise for you.”
I knew this particular announcement from Logan was for the girls.
“Yeah?” Cleo asked as Logan got in my space.
“I’ll get on this. You give my babies the goodness,” he bossed me.
That was a boss I’d accept, so I didn’t object. Instead, I moved to the bar and opened the drawer where I’d stashed the gift cards.
I took them out and lined them up in front of the girls, all ten of them, five for each, side by side, saying, “Mini-shopping spree. Your dad has relented to taking us to the mall. We’ll have lunch there first and after we lay waste to the stores, maybe we’ll go to that place where you can buy frozen yogurt by the pound.”
I watched closely as Zadie stared in disbelief at the cards.
Cleo didn’t stare in disbelief.
She aimed shining eyes at me and exclaimed, “Seriously?”
I smiled at her. “Seriously.”
“But... Forever 21. And Claire’s. And Buckle. And H&M. And Urban Outfitters!” she exclaimed with glee.
Apparently, I’d picked the right ones.
I felt extreme relief but only lifted a shoulder. “It’s kind of a welcome to my house for your first sleepover type thing. A little celebration for an occasion that’s special to me. It’s also special to your dad. Just my way of saying I’m happy to have you here.”
“That’s so cool!” Cleo cried.
Zadie didn’t say anything.
So I found my mouth babbling, “And maybe, when we get home, we’ll do girlie stuff. You know. Give each other manicures and pedicures. We can stop by Target on the way back from the mall and pick up some fun colors.”
“I didn’t relent to that,” Logan muttered from his place at the stove.
“Oh my gosh! That’s so awesome!” Cleo yelled.
“It is,” Zadie said, and I looked to her. She wasn’t looking at me. She was nudging a Claire’s gift card with her finger.
“I’m glad you think so, darling,” I said carefully.
Her eyes came to me for the barest of moments before she looked back to the cards.
I was so focused on Zadie, I jumped when Logan got close, tossing an arm around my shoulders.
“My girls do girl crap all day, I pick the movie tonight,” he declared.
“Okay, Daddy,” Cleo immediately agreed.
Zadie’s head came up, her eyes going to her dad.
“Just as long as it’s not scary,” she stated, just like she was a part of the conversation, not pouty or demanding.
I pressed my lips together to hold back my cautious excitement because maybe I was getting somewhere.
“Would I scare my baby?” Logan asked.
“No,” Zadie answered.
“I like scary,” Cleo announced.
“That’s what I’m sayin’. You wouldn’t, but Clee-Clee would,” Zadie explained.
“You and me can have our scary nights when I get another TV in this joint,” Logan told his oldest. “That way, we do that, Zade and Millie can go watch somethin’ else in the bedroom.”
I was not putting a TV in the bedroom. It would be ugly, ruining the aesthetics. I knew this because I’d considered it and even looked for a media center with doors that closed the TV away in order to have a TV in my bedroom. Years of looking, I’d found nothing that would work.