That cut like a knife.
Before I could push past the pain, he kept talking.
“But I don’t want you to have to put up with more shit and it won’t be good for me, knowin’ you are or keepin’ a better eye on things and seein’ it happen, which is only gonna tick me off.”
“We’ll plan something, Low,” I told him. “Something in between visits. They can have dinner at my house. I’ll cook. They can play with the kitties. Maybe we can play a game.”
“We’ll do that and it’ll be more than one dinner,” he decreed. “And I’m tellin’ you now, Millie, Zadie ain’t gettin’ away with this shit.”
Damn it!
“Logan, I’m not sure that’s the right way to go,” I warned.
“I am,” he returned. “Was so fuckin’ happy to have somethin’ good in my life. Two good, pure things that were mine. That I made. Too fuckin’ happy. So happy, I fucked up,” he said. “Cleo’s good ’cause she came out that way. Zadie’s a dreamer ’cause I didn’t cut that shit off when I should.”
Oh no!
This was getting worse.
“Logan, a dreamer isn’t a bad thing,” I informed him.
“It isn’t, you dream of the life you wanna have and you’re willin’ to work for it. It is when you dream of the way you expect life to be and you manipulate or find ways to make everyone around you miserable until you get it. My girl’s spoiled. That’s on me. Her mother doesn’t let her get away with shit like that. And you’re right. She’s ten. She’s young.” He paused ominously. “So she can still learn.”
“You do know, Snooks,” I said quietly, “that you teaching her that lesson, one that will be hard to learn, when I came into her life means she’ll associate that hard knock with me.”
“She can’t sort her head out and see that her father’s happy. Fuckin’ unbelievably happy. Straight up, no shit fuckin’ with that, for the first time since she’s been breathin’, know that comes from me havin’ her, her sister, and you, and she doesn’t want that for me and holds a grudge against you, then I failed at teachin’ her to learn that lesson right.”
I couldn’t argue that.
But I wasn’t even thinking of arguing that.
I asked, “You’re unbelievably happy?”
“Baby, are you back?”
Oh God.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Millie, I was given one good thing in my life, the family I was born into. I found one good thing, my Club. I made two good things, my babies. But in all my life, I only earned one good thing. That’s you.”
Oh God.
Feeling so much, I could do nothing but continue to whisper, “Low.”
“I’m gonna fix this, beautiful. I promised myself I’d fix you when I got you back and this is part of that. I’m gonna fix it and I’m gonna do it how I gotta do it. But it’ll get done.”
“I... okay, Logan,” I agreed shakily.
“Want you touchin’ base today. You wanna call, do it. You wanna text, do it. Don’t matter I have the girls and they might hear or see. But I wanna hear from you and know you’re thinkin’ about me.”
“Oh, I’ll be thinking about you.”
He fell silent.
I didn’t.
“I love you, Logan Judd. I earned a lot of things in my life, worked hard for them, but the most precious of those is you. And I’ll say right now that you come with your girls. So I’ll do what I can to help you with Zadie. Do we have a deal?”
I heard the smile in his voice when he replied, “We got a deal, babe.”
“Okay, I’ll share my exciting day with you sometime today and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Right.”
“And, Logan?” I called.
“Right here,” he answered.
“Nothing wrong with dreaming. But you got it right. Best way to dream is do it, then earn it, no matter how that happens.”
“Damn straight,” he muttered, still sounding like he was smiling.
“Okay, have fun with your girls. Love you.”
“Back at ya.”
“ ’Bye, baby.”
“ ’Bye, beautiful.”
We disconnected and that didn’t make me happy.
But we disconnected having a plan. A plan that centered around building a new dream.
Logan had been right. He said if he’d been around when I found out I couldn’t give us a family, he would have helped me build a new dream.
It took time.
But now he was doing it.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Kitties Who’re Really Pretty
High
HIGH STOOD LEANING against the kitchen counter in the RV, watching his girls scarf down cereal in preparation for hitting school.
Yesterday, he hadn’t gotten in Zadie’s face about whatever went down with Millie. He’d just told them their plans with Millie were off.
Cleo looked disappointed but also relieved. She was likely disappointed for him because she’d seen he’d been happy the day before. But she’d been relieved because Millie was right. Even Cleo needed a break.
That sucked and it meant Millie was right about something else.
He was pushing too fast, too soon.
But Zadie had smiled her cat-got-its-cream smile. She tried to hide it but it was clear she thought she’d gotten her way.
His baby girl was not going to get her way.
Though High had no clue how to go about doing it. He just knew he had one shot at giving Millie any kind of family. Maybe not of her blood but something that was still beautiful.