I told myself that I was tired; disorientated, that tomorrow it all might begin to fall into place, but I knew that on my very first day a seed of disquiet had already been planted somewhere deep and unreachable.
‘May I see?’ Blaine asked, when I took a break to stretch out. ‘Or are you one of these artists that likes to present their opus at the very end?’
‘Depends on the client. Some like the big reveal, but I’ve been offering live-streaming while I work for the last year or so. Sometimes the process is the most interesting element.’
‘I’m afraid I’m a little too curious to wait until the end.’ Blaine picked up my pad. I held my breath, but she shared none of my concerns. ‘Oh Lilith, that’s magnificent. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you took up my offer. If this is your first piece, I can’t imagine what the final work will look like.’
‘It’s a start.’
‘Perhaps I’ll send Finn in to take a look and begin his art classes.’
‘I’d be happy to show him, as long as I’m not too engrossed – I get kind of snappy.’
‘I’ll bear that in mind.’ Blaine glanced up from her examination of my work. ‘Just out of interest, what did you make of my Finn?’
‘Probably the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.’ I replaced a pencil in its tin, turning it so that the label faced outwards to match the rest.
‘That’s a very honest response.’
I shrugged. ‘It’s the truth. What am I going to say? That he’s some hideous freak of nature?’
‘No, not at all. I was just a little thrown by your candour. He was particularly taken with you, I think.’
Just as I was wondering how to turn the conversation to something rather less candid, Blaine reverentially closed the book and handed it back to me. ‘Well, it’s been a highly enjoyable morning. It seems a pity that I need to get back to work, but I’m sure you’ve got enough to be getting on with now. I’ll leave you in peace.’ She clasped my hand in hers. ‘It really is so delightful to have you here, Lilith. I’m sure we’ll be close friends long before the piece is finished.’
I didn’t mind about anything I’d told her. There was nothing I felt uncomfortable with, or regretted saying. What was really biting me was that I had learned nothing in return. I reopened my sketchpad and wondered what the hell to do next.
Finn
I sat in the corridor outside the room that had been designated as Lilith’s studio, and waited for my heart to stop hammering quite so hard. I needed to knock on the door, walk in and get on with it, but right now my legs were holding an official protest.
An hour earlier Blaine had come to find me in the sanctuary of the greenhouse, and casually suggested, ‘I think it might be a good idea to call on Lilith this afternoon, darling’ , and that would be the end of it. The end of some bollocks about a long-dead author and knowing where my dog got her name from. That was all. Nothing, in the universal scheme of things. Inconsequential words that she had probably already forgotten, and just part of the panoply of small talk that such people possessed. Nothing at all. And yet here I was with my arse still glued to the floor.
It didn’t get too much to get me moving again. Just the thought of a dog-eared photograph and a one-paragraph filler from an old newspaper. ‘Twat.’ I wiped my palms on the back of my jeans, and knocked on the door.
‘Come in,’ Lilith called, and I returned to work.
To my dismay, it wasn’t even the same Lilith. The one I had learned to recognise the previous evening, the polished, ballgown-clad socialite, had disappeared to be replaced with this tiny barefoot girl in tracksuit bottoms and t-shirt and her silken hair hidden under a dark red bandana. Words shrivelled in my mouth.
‘Hi there!’ She smiled in welcome, and what appeared to be pleasure at my arrival. ‘Blaine sent you after all, then?’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘Blaine. She said she was going to send you in to look at my work.’
‘Oh. No, nothing like that.’
‘So, what can I do for you?’ She brushed a stray lock of hair from her face and looked up in expectation.
‘Look, Blaine – she mentioned that you found me attractive.’
‘Oh, did she now?’ By the instant coldness in Lilith’s voice I knew this one was lost before I’d even started.