“We’re eatin’ mash ’tatoes,” he announced, as if that was the best thing in the world.
“That’s the only item on the menu he cares about,” Blaire said, walking up behind him. “I promise I made more than just mashed potatoes.”
The smells coming from the kitchen made me hungry. I was ready for some food. What Brad had cooked at the restaurant had smelled incredible, but then he’d used that meal to impress Rose.
Thinking about that pissed me off more. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I didn’t like the idea of Rose with Brad, but fuck if that wasn’t true. Thinking about Addy had screwed with my head. It was making me blur the line with Rose. Hell, I’d barely had a conversation with Rose. I had no claim on her other than that she reminded me of Addy. She brought back memories I’d tried hard to repress.
Telling her I’d fire her had been cold and uncalled for, but deep down, I wanted to do just that. I wanted an excuse to get her away from me. She was possibly the best worker I had, but I was trying to run her off because of my haunted past. It wasn’t fair to her, and once again, I owed her an apology. This shit didn’t need to become a pattern.
“What’s with the frown? Mashed potatoes aren’t that bad,” Blaire said, studying me closely.
Blaire knew nothing of my past, and I wanted to keep it that way. “I love mashed potatoes. I’ve just had a long day. A lot on my mind, with the restaurant opening in a week.”
My sister did not look convinced.
“Ribs are ready,” Rush called from the kitchen.
Blaire grinned again. “I cooked the sides. I put him on the grill.”
Ribs sounded good. “I’m starved.”
“Perfect. Let’s feed you.”
“Mash ’tatoes!” Nate cheered as he ran ahead of us.
The kid had no idea how good his life was. His dad adored him, and his mother loved him unconditionally. His world was so much different from the one I’d lived in. Blaire’s life had started out good, but after her twin sister was killed in a car accident, it had all gone to hell. I was glad she’d gotten a second chance. She deserved it.
Blaire had the life I had wanted for Addy. The one we used to sit and dream about together. Addy would have been an incredible mother. She had a heart so goddamn big it overpowered any evil we had to walk through. If I hadn’t needed her so much, I could have saved her. Gotten her out sooner. But I’d wanted her close to me.
Eleven years ago
I didn’t even go inside when I got home from my date. I knew Addy wouldn’t be inside. Mom was at her newest fund-raiser event tonight. It was the only reason I had agreed to go anywhere without Addy. I knew she’d be safe.
I still hadn’t been able to enjoy myself or the girl, who had quickly gotten naked for me. My thoughts had been with Addy and how I needed to check on her. Thinking of her alone bothered me. She shouldn’t be alone. I didn’t need sex, anyway. I could get that during school hours if I needed to.
I walked around to the back of the house and headed out to the path I knew would lead me to Addy’s favorite spot by the pond. I could see her blond hair in the moonlight before I could see anything else. I loved her hair.
I stepped on a limb and gave my presence away. She jerked, turning around to see me approaching her. The look of fear on her face quickly faded into a pleased smile. The one only I got. I’d watched her smile at other guys. No one got this smile but me. The smile that made her eyes light up and sparkle. If another guy ever did get that smile, I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I’d hurt someone.
“You’re back,” she said. The happy tone in her voice felt like warm butter.
“Yeah, wasn’t much fun.”
She smirked, then glanced away from me, back toward the water. “What, she didn’t put out quick enough?” There was a bitterness to her tone that I didn’t like.
“Uh, no, that wasn’t it. I would just rather be here.”
Addy turned her head toward me slowly, and her eyes looked like they were searching my face for any sign of a lie. “Really?”
“Yeah, really. I’d always rather be with you.”
She chewed her bottom lip a moment, and then a frown puckered her brow. “Then why did you go?”
I wasn’t sure. Because I knew I’d get laid? Because . . . hell, I didn’t know. I would rather be with Addy. I’d always rather be with Addy, but lately, when I looked at her, I thought things. Things I needed to stop thinking. She was my best friend, and she needed me as much as I needed her. We fought a daily battle in that house, and we relied on each other to get through it all.
It was just that when I let myself go, I imagined how it would taste to kiss her lips, how soft her skin would feel. What kinds of sounds she’d make when I touched her under her shirt or slipped my hands down into her panties.
Fuck, I couldn’t think about that. I looked away from her, out at the water. Addy was special. She was perfect and mine to protect. Even from me. “I went because I had guy needs, that’s all. I’m here now. Where I want to be,” I finally answered her.
She didn’t reply, and I didn’t look at her, for fear that my thoughts would go the way I fought hard to keep them from veering.
“You want to go inside and make some popcorn before she gets home?” Addy asked, with a smile in her voice.
My answer had been enough for her. She wasn’t going to press for more. She never did. I turned to look back at her, and I knew then, without a doubt, that she was my center. She was my home. That house, run by parents who were too fucked-up to know the difference, wasn’t home for me. Addy was. She always would be. One day, I’d give her a mansion, and we’d have kids. She’d live like a princess.