“I should’ve loved you,” he said, but his eyes closed again.
Jessie’s heart squeezed in her chest. Surely that wasn’t what had sent him spiraling out of control these last few months.
Unable to say anything, Jessie reached for his hand again, holding it gently. His fingers were cold and clammy, but his chest was rising steadily and she found consolation in that.
“Jess?”
“Hmm?” she responded to Brendon.
“He really loves you, you know that? I was a dumbass for trying to get in the way of it.”
Although she understood everything Brendon said, he was still slurring, evidence that the alcohol was still coursing through his bloodstream.
“You’re good for him,” he continued, turning his head to face her and opening his eyes again. “I want you to be happy with him.”
“I am happy,” she told him, not sure what he was expecting to hear.
Jessie’s heart stopped beating in her chest as she stared back at Brendon and noticed a tear dripping down his cheek. “What’s wrong?” she asked in a harsh whisper.
“I don’t know what to do without him there,” Brendon admitted, and an answering tear slipped from her own eyes.
“He’s still there.”
“No, he’s not. And it’s not his fault. We’re adults. He’s supposed to go on and live his life. I’m not supposed to hold him back, Jess. But I’m lost without him there. So fucking lost.”
Jessie was crying steadily now. This man, this incredibly brave, strong man, was breaking her heart with this revelation. Brendon didn’t want to lose Braydon. It wasn’t a woman who was making him do things he shouldn’t; Brendon was having a hard time coping with the fact that he and Braydon were beginning to drift apart.
That explained so much. Oh, God. And now she really felt responsible, because she’d been in between the two of them for months. It was hard not to remember the falling-out at Christmas when Brendon tried to drive a wedge between the three of them.
She was pulled from her thoughts when Brendon started talking again.
“I don’t feel whole without him there. Never have. It’s like part of me is missing. I don’t know what to do about that.”
A soft inhale had Jessie looking up to see Braydon standing on this side of the curtain, his eyes glued to his twin. She felt as though she should give them space, but when she went to pull away, Brendon’s grip on her hand tightened.
“Don’t leave,” he whispered, his eyes closing once again.
Jessie looked back up at Braydon, pleading with her eyes for him to say something. Brendon needed him. Needed his reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere.
He didn’t speak.
Turning her attention back to the man in the bed, Jessie squeezed his fingers. “I’m not going anywhere,” she assured him. “And neither is Braydon.”
“Yeah, he is,” Brendon muttered, his eyes closed. “He’s gone and fallen in love. Y’all are gonna get married, have babies, and he’s gonna move out. I’ll be all alone again. God, Jess. I hated being alone. I . . .”
Jessie was still stunned that this extraordinarily strong man was falling apart right before her eyes. She knew him as a troublemaker, the comedian, the misfit. He was kindhearted yet astonishingly tough. He shielded himself with that bad-boy attitude, but underneath it all, Jessie could see the softer side of him.
Granted, he’d never opened up to her like this before. Brendon had always made their interactions about sex. Until now, she’d just figured that was all he wanted from her. Listening to him, Jessie knew Brendon had been keeping himself closed off.
Sort of the way she had.
No, exactly the way she had.
They were two peas in a pod, both of them desperately needing someone to love them but fearing they would never find that person. While he kept his relationships at arm’s length, Jessie was quick to latch on, to make something of it when there wasn’t anything really there.
That was the mentality she’d had when she got to Coyote Ridge, and she’d gone into this relationship with Brendon and Braydon reminding herself of that all the time. For the first time in her life, she had kept her distance, and now she had to wonder whether she’d messed things up for all of them.
“Hey,” Braydon said thickly, moving over to Brendon’s other side.
Brendon opened his eyes and peered up at his brother while Jessie watched. God, they looked exactly alike, aside from the bruising on Brendon’s forehead. From their chiseled jaws to their full lips, their wide blue-gray eyes . . . If it weren’t for the fact that Braydon had cut his hair shorter in recent months, a random bystander wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.