“But you’re not well enough.”
Grabbing her hand, I placed it directly on my side. Gritting my teeth against the flare of pain, I growled, “I proved to you I’m alive by fucking you. I’m here to save you; you have my ultimate word. But there are others I need to save, too.”
She deflated, knowing I spoke the truth but not ready to accept it. Her emotions turned selfish, wanting to keep me for herself. She already agreed we couldn’t run—her thoughts blared it—but it didn’t stop her from indulging in one make-believe moment.
“But if we ran, we’d be free.” She looked up, speaking words she didn’t mean. “You have money. I have money. We could disappear.” Her conviction and selfishness faded the second she finished.
She sighed, her heartbeat slowing with resolution.
I tucked short strands behind her ear, my soul cursing the death of her gorgeous hair all over again. “You already know what I’m going to say and you agree with me, but I’ll say it anyway. Running isn’t an option. Vaughn is still here. Tex. Your family’s company. You’re saying you’d leave it all behind when just a few more days it could be over for good? Why should we be the ones to run when it’s our lives that we’re fighting for? Our future is here. Our families are here. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.”
She pursed her lips. “They let Vaughn go. He’ll be back with my father and hopefully be smart enough to hide. We could run.” Her emotions overwhelmed with suffering. “I need to leave, Jethro. I can’t go back. I can’t. I’ll break. I’m so close to breaking. I’m not strong enough. I can’t—”
I grabbed her, holding her shaking form. “Calm down. I’m not asking you to go back for long.” As much as it killed me, I added, “And do you truly believe they set Vaughn free? They haven’t done anything decent yet; why would they start now?”
She froze.
“The only thing we can do to ensure your family’s safety is to fight. You’re the bravest person I know, Nila. You’ve proven I’m strong enough to do what needs to be done. And I will do what needs to be done. But in order to do that I need you by my side. I need you with me which means we aren’t running. We’re staying here and fighting.”
She shook her head, even though her emotions agreed with me wholeheartedly.
I kissed her head. “You’re so incredible, Needle. So beautiful and strong. I’ll end this, okay? You just have to believe in me a little longer.”
She cried quietly, snuggling into my embrace. She couldn’t verbalize it, but she gave me permission. And I fucking loved her for it. For being strong enough to agree. For being with me even when I asked so much.
I dropped my voice to a whisper. “Nila…I love you. I’m never going to hurt you again. Unequivocally, deeply, totally—you have my heart and soul. I will make this right, I promise.” Taking her hand, I kissed her knuckles. “You trust me still, don’t you?”
A flicker of a seductive smile crossed her lips even as tears spilled from her eyes.
Memories of asking her if she trusted me when I’d shared my secrets came back. At the start she’d said yes, even as her heart screamed no. But, by the time I’d shown her intensity with my crop and made love to her, she’d trusted me completely.
Her skin was the palest cream in the dark. My lips ached to kiss her again. My cock throbbed to be inside her.
Her eyes tore past my humanness and into the part of me that was eternal. “I trust you.”
I couldn’t stop myself.
I pushed her onto her back and climbed on top of her. Her short hair fanned out like a black halo, tangling with hay. She didn’t stop me as I pressed my weight over her. Her legs opened, her hands gathered the material of the nightgown, and she welcomed me to wedge between her delectable thighs.
I groaned as her body melted. My cock punched against my boxer-briefs wanting to fill her all over again.
As much as I needed to be inside her, I didn’t want to rush it. My fingers threaded through her hair, keeping her pinned. Nila wriggled, softening beneath me.
Biting her bottom lip, her fingers moved to my waistband. “If you’re strong enough to fight now, even after being shot, then prove it again.” Her fingers dipped into my briefs, wrapping around my cock. “Prove that I can trust you.”
My erection leapt in her hand. Her diamond collar sparkled as I kissed the swell of her breast. “You drive me insane.”
“Good.” Her breathing quickened. “I want you insane. Mad about me. Completely consumed by me.”
I thrust into her palm. “I already am.”
A shadow crossed her face, bringing with it a flicker of thought I didn’t catch. Propping myself up on my elbows, I stared at her. What had she been thinking? Did she not trust me? Did she not believe me when I said I’d never let anything happen to her again?
“What is it?” I asked, my heart thumping out of control. “Tell me what you’re not saying.”
She sucked in a breath, looking at the ceiling. “Nothing. Everything’s perfect.” Her fingers tightened around my cock. “I want you, Kite.”
Her voice echoed with love, but I didn’t let her derail me. Not this time.
“Tell me. Do you hate me? Do you secretly loathe me for what I’ve done?”
I won’t be able to live if you do.
“How can I make it up to you?” My voice turned ragged. “How can I prove I mean what I say? That I’m so fucking sorry. That nothing else will ever—”
She hushed me, pressing a finger over my mouth. “There’s nothing else you can do. I believe you.”
Her voice said one thing, her thoughts another.
I hated when people lied. It tangled me into fucking knots trying to figure out their true meaning. That’d been the problem from childhood. Cut would order me to do one thing, but his cold-hearted cruelty guided me to do another. Kestrel learned from a very young age never to lie to me. I needed utmost honesty to survive living in a household with so many conflicting ideals and hierarchies.
“You can’t lie to me, Nila.” My blood thickened with impending doom. What wasn’t she saying? Would it destroy me if she did? I pressed my forehead against hers. “You can’t keep things from me. I know there’s something you’re not saying and until you clear the air that emotion will overcast everything until it drives me mad.”
Her face tightened. “Your condition can be a real pain, you know that?”
I laughed wryly. “You’ve only just noticed?” The derisive humour didn’t shred the tension between us. “Spit it out. Now.”
A single tear escaped.
Fuck.
“Nila…don’t.” Ever so gently, I licked the salty drop, taking her sadness and vowing to turn it into endless happiness. She deserved so much happiness. Eternal happiness.
And I would be the one to give it to her.
My chest cracked open. “I’m so sorry, Nila.” Burying my face in her hair, I clutched her hard. “So sorry for everything—for what I am, for what I demand of you, for the things I can’t fix.”
Her arms wrapped around me. “You don’t need fixing, Jethro. You’re bombarded every day with stimuli. You’re so strong to have endured a childhood living here. You put mechanisms in place to protect yourself. Only…”
“Only?” I traced her cheek with a fingertip. “Go on…”
She tensed, hesitation and reluctance seeping from her. Sucking in a deep breath, she rushed, “I know I love you. I’ve never known anything so clear, but I can’t help wondering if you love me.”
I reared back. “What?”
She couldn’t have hurt me more if she’d tried.
“How can you even think something like that? What have I just been saying? You think I’ve been lying to you?” I rolled off her, trembling with rage. “What does that fucking mean?”
She sat up, twisting her fingers together. “I just mean…you feel what others feel. Could you be reflecting what I feel for you? How do you know what’s real and what’s not? It makes me wonder if I forced you to love me. That any woman who cared for you after a lifetime of living with Cut and Bonnie would’ve made you fall—not fall, but mirror her affection.” Her eyes glossed with unfallen tears. “How can I trust that you know what you feel isn’t just me putting those thoughts into your head?”
I shoved off the hay bale, unable to keep still. “I can’t fucking believe this.”
How could she be so clueless? So heartless to say I was so lost to not know my own wants and dreams. How could she even ask that after I cut her hair and almost fucking cried at her pain? “I’m a human being, Nila. I have the same thoughts and feelings as the rest of the population.”
She hung her head, dark hair curtaining her face. “You do, but you also have so much more. Your condition, Jethro…I mean, I had one goal when you took me to Hawksridge: to make you love me so I could use you to free me.” She swallowed, her eyes tight with confession. “What if I succeeded?”
Of course, you succeeded.