Another icy pause. Then he bit out, “I will not sleep in our bed without you, zhena.”
For some reason his referring to her by that name again made her lose the firm grip on all the calm she’d been determined to maintain when she walked into his study to have this conversation.
“I’m already letting you use me as an incubator,” she told Nikolai in a harsh, ugly voice. “I shouldn’t have to explain to you why I don’t want to be used as your fuck toy.”
Silence dropped down like a curtain and Nikolai stared at her for several long, heavy seconds, before saying, “You did not seem to mind being my fuck toy this morning, zhena,” he said, his voice low and calm. “What were your words? ‘Fuck me. Fuck me. Please keep going?’”
He lifted his eyebrows in mock consideration. “But maybe I do not understand these words correctly either.”
Sam dropped her gaze, her cheeks burning angry and hot. But she didn’t waver. “I’m sleeping on the couch from now on,” she said, fighting to keep her voice level. “Don’t try to bully me out of it.”
She said that last quiet thing and then she left his study feeling like the biggest fool imaginable for getting herself entangled with a man who had an ice rink where his heart should be.
TO SAM’S RELIEF, Nikolai didn’t try to stop her from sleeping on the ornate, red and gold chaise lounge in his bedroom that night. In fact, he left her alone. Literally. He still hadn’t come up to the room by the time Sam fell into a fitful sleep on the couch, which was comfortable enough—especially for a chaise lounge—but not nearly as comfortable as his luxurious bed had been.
Sam woke the next morning to an unexpected sight. Nikolai’s empty bed, sheets smooth, blanket in place, pillows still plump, the whole tableau an obvious testament to not having been slept in.
Sam sat up on one elbow. So then where did Nikolai sleep last night? she wondered.
An unexpected jealously gripped her, its bony green hand squeezing her heart.
Had Nikolai gone out to find what he wanted in the arms of another woman? One who had no problems with sex without love, or sleeping with a married man? The thing was, she couldn’t see Nikolai sleeping in the guestroom or his office—he was a natural competitor and he would never cede his turf. And they’d never discussed the intimate terms of their marriage beyond the fact that she didn’t think it was a good idea to be intimate with him.
Anyone looking at the situation from the outside in—a woman who refused to sleep with her own husband—might take his side on this. He wasn’t getting what he needed at home, so he went somewhere else for it. She’d met enough marriage counselors to know that open marriages were a thing that worked for some couples.
But not her. The thought of sleeping with another man made her stomach turn in a way that had nothing to do with her recurrent bouts of morning sickness.
She sat up on the couch and threw off the blankets. More proof that she’d made the right decision in refusing to sleep with him again, she decided as she got up. She headed to the bathroom with her chin raised, thinking she’d be damned if was going to let this situation throw her off her healthy morning routine. She’d get dressed, go get Pavel for their morning yoga session, then they’d walk Back Up around the neighborhood and eat breakfast together, and she wouldn’t give any more thought to her cheating lothario of a husband—
Sam suddenly pitched forward violently, and she had no doubt she would have broken something when she hit the floor…
…had Nikolai’s mountainous body not cushioned her fall.
“Zhena, I told you to watch yourself,” he said, reaching up and easily rearranging her, so she was lying on top of him. Her face right above his. He gave her a tired half smile. “No falling I told you. Remember?”
She blinked down at him. “What are you doing sleeping on the floor?!?!”
“I told you. I will not sleep in bed without you.”
His expression was so neutral, he almost look bored, but she could feel his length against the top of her thigh coming to hard, thick life.
“Be more careful,” he said, lifting her up like she weighed nothing and setting her aside. He came to his feet, looming over her. “Soon, baby will be hurt if you fall.”
“I- I usually am—I mean, I’m not the falling type. It’s just, I didn’t know you slept on the floor last night…” She struggled for more words, but only came up with another, “I didn’t know…”
He looked down at her with another of his heavy frowns, “Take your shower, zhena. I will take my workout.”
Then he left the room without another word.
29
A little over a month after having drawn her line in the sand, Sam was still wondering who was getting their way in this current situation. Because it certainly didn’t feel like her.
The morning of Pavel’s birthday, she woke to the same sight she’d been waking up to for the last five weeks. An empty room. Her husband already gone for his morning workout, which would be directly followed by his commute to work, since he’d started going in even earlier to make up the extra time he spent training Pavel after he got out of school.
She sat up and stretched, but the movement in no way addressed all the little aches and pains that came from sleeping on a chaise lounge while four months pregnant. Yet another reason she was seriously doubting her winner status these days.
Two months ago she’d been sure Nikolai would eventually tire of sleeping on the floor and might even send her back to her former room in a fit of frustration. But he hadn’t sent her back to her old room. And though she never saw him when she went to bed or woke, she’d become used to either stepping over or walking around a sleeping Mount Nik during her increasing number of late night bathroom visits.
“Can Uncle come with us to the Children’s Museum after school today?” Pavel asked while they walked Back Up that morning. “I don’t think he’s ever been either.”
Sam had to work not to laugh. The little boy made it sound like his uncle having never been to the Indianapolis Children’s Museum, the largest of its kind in the world, was the saddest thing he’d ever heard. “He probably has to work, honey.”
“Maybe not,” Pavel said. “The season’s almost over, and the Polar didn’t make the playoffs this year. Uncle says it’s going to take a year or two before they win another Stanley Cup cuz building a great team takes time and the right players.”