She’d just given him exactly what he wanted. They’d had sex, and now she was leaving. He was probably glad to be rid of her, she thought. Which was a good thing.
So why did she feel so sad when she texted Nyla that it was okay to bring Pavel home now?
22
By the time Sam woke up two days later, she was still having a hard time understanding why she felt so out of sorts about the whole situation. Nikolai had technically kept his promise, showing up for dinner the last two nights in a row, eating nearly everything she put in front of him. But he hadn’t exactly been great company.
He’d let her and Pavel do pretty much all the talking, only interrupting when he was done with his dinner to say he had work to do and would be in his office.
It was a start, and that was the best she could hope for. More than she would have dared to hope for a few days ago. And she had a plan to make Pavel less dependent on her and Back Up…
Oh, who was she kidding, she thought as she pulled on a pair of sweats. She was going to miss Pavel terribly. She could barely stand to think about their parting because she’d grown too used to having the little boy in her life over the past month. He’d given her a reason to not work so hard over the last few weeks, to delegate more than she had in the past, and she’d liked coming home early so she could be there when Dirk dropped him off after school.
She liked, she admitted to herself with a quiet pang as she left her room, being his mama.
But she wasn’t his mama. He only insisted on calling her that. She wasn’t even related to him by blood. Nikolai was. And in the end, her moving out would be the best thing for all of them.
She knocked on Pavel’s door and did her best to not look like she was trying to memorize his dear little face when he opened it, already dressed in the gym shorts and t-shirt he wore for their morning yoga session.
After they were done with yoga, as had become their routine, they put on their coats, and walked Back Up around Nikolai’s neighborhood. Sam actually wouldn’t have called where Nikolai lived a neighborhood if it had been up to her. It was more like a small collection of mansions, all owned by local multi-millionaires and set far apart from each other on acres of land. She’d never seen a hamlet, but the word came to mind on her walks.
They weren’t the only ones out walking a dog that morning, but Sam was one of the few official dog parents among the lot. She called out greetings to housekeepers and professional dog walkers and nannies alike, but her greetings to the few millionaire wives who deigned to walk their own dogs went more or less ignored. One even crossed to the other side of the street to make sure her well-groomed standard poodle had no contact whatsoever with Sam’s bullie. A totally unnecessary action since the last time Sam had checked, it was physically impossible to get licked to death.
“That woman doesn’t like Back Up,” Pavel observed, watching another well-dressed woman walk quickly in the other direction.
“There’s a lot of misinformation going around about Back Up’s breed. At first glance, she looks tough and mean, so a lot of people assume she’s dangerous when they look at her and they get scared. But we’re lucky because we know the truth about her,” Sam said. “In any case, it teaches us we should never judge anyone by their appearance.”
“Uncle Nik looks tough and mean. Do you think he’s dangerous?”
The question caught Sam off guard. Pavel probably didn’t realize it, but he had just introduced a topic rife with emotional landmines.
“No,” she answered carefully. It didn’t exactly feel like the truth. The truth was, her stomach knotted up every time she was in a room with Nikolai. The truth was, even before Marco had informed her of what he most likely had done, she could practically feel danger radiating off him and it scared her a little.
But she would be leaving Pavel in his care. Plus, as serious as he could be at times, the fact remained that Pavel was only a child. She couldn’t tell him any of that. “I don’t think he’s dangerous.” To you, she silently added.
“Then why don’t you like him?” Pavel asked.
“Who said I don’t like him?” she asked.
“You’re nice to everyone. You even try to be nice to those ladies who cross the street to get away from Back Up. But you never try to be nice to Uncle. You never really smile at him like you do everybody else.”
She wanted to say, “Yes, I do!” But then she realized the only time she’d ever smiled at Nikolai was when she was either faking it, or trying to convince him to do something for Pavel’s sake. Like the other day when she’d gotten him to agree to come home earlier.
“You’re right,” she said. “I could maybe try to be nicer to your uncle.” It was an easy promise to make, since she was technically moving out that day.
Not knowing this, Pavel beamed at her, which reminded her that she needed to schedule a dentist appointment for him before she went. She pulled out her phone and put a note in her to-do app to call Isaac about setting it up, since it needed to go under Nikolai’s insurance plan. But when she went to categorize the reminder under “Pavel,” a wave of sadness rolled over her. Pretty soon, there’d be no need for a special “Pavel” category in her app.
“You know what we should do after Dirk drops you off tonight?” she asked Pavel. “Go to the Children’s Museum.”
Pavel had lived within a five-mile radius of the Children’s Museum of Indianapolis nearly all his life, but he’d never been. Sure, his class would eventually take a field trip there, but Sam wanted to give him something to remember her by before she left. One last great afternoon together before she dropped the bomb that she and Back Up wouldn’t be living with him any more.
After their walk, they ate breakfast. Pancakes, sausages, and eggs—a little fancier than what Sam usually made for them, and she was more than a little concerned she wouldn’t be able to keep the meal down. But she wanted Pavel to have nice memories of their last morning together.
Making and eating breakfast took a little longer than usual, and Dirk pulled up under the porte-cochère while Pavel was still up in his room, gathering his back pack and other school essentials. So Sam took the opportunity to have a little talk with Dirk while they waited.
“Hey, do you mind giving me a call later on today? I have some things to go over with you about Pavel’s transition.”
Dirk frowned. “Oh, is that still happening?”