My gut clenched at his words, but he wasn’t finished. “I need you.” His words were like the gasp of a drowning man. “I should never have run like that, back at the house, but l-love...” He paused over the stammered word, face twisting in frustration. “All my life, that word, that feeling, has been a crutch I was forced to overcome. You’ve seen my mother, and I thank God you never had to meet my father because he, he was ten times worse.”
“Jeremiah,” I whispered, breath shaky.
“But I need you,” he rasped, taking a jerky step forward. “Every cell in my body is telling me to run away, leave you alone, and I can’t.”
I took the necessary two steps forward, and stared up at him. His fists stayed by his sides, but from here the desperation in his eyes overwhelmed me. Choking back a sob of my own, I reached up and cupped his face, stroking his cheek with my thumb. His body tensed as if holding him back, and I felt a tear streak down my face.
My future was laid out before me in sudden and stark detail. No matter what I chose to do, it led to the same outcome: heartbreak on a scale from which neither of us would recover. I had betrayed the man I loved because I thought he had rejected me, and yet here stood as firm a testament to his affections as I’d likely ever see. That he couldn’t say the words didn’t matter; I saw everything I’d ever hoped for in my life shining from his eyes.
And I couldn’t bear to let him go. Not yet. Pure selfishness on my part, but I knew that to give him up would break me, knew now what the revelation would do to Jeremiah. Our fate was sealed but for this one moment.
“Please,” he ground out, body quaking beneath my palm, and the last of my resistance fell away. Rising up on my tiptoes, I pulled his head down and brought his mouth to mine.
That small kiss, barely a brush of lips, shook him free of his paralysis. He cupped my face tenderly in his hands, the touch feather-light which only emphasized the shaky control he exerted. Deepening the kiss was therefore left to me, and I crushed myself to him, desperate for as much contact as two bodies could allow.
Outside our little tent, the wind roared and howled, drowning out the sounds we made. Jeremiah swept me off my feet, moving us across to the small mattress. He laid me carefully on the bed, kneeling above and wiping another tear from my eye before settling between my legs and taking my mouth in another kiss.
In the darkness of our little world, there was only Jeremiah and myself. We were insatiable, neither of us able to take our hands off the other. What sleep we managed was only in between bouts of activity. Long after I’d grown sore and weary from our lovemaking, I still climbed on his hips when I felt he was hard again, riding him to another mutual orgasm.
My desperation for him was matched by his for me, and in those hours when we were together, I could pretend that this could be forever. That I would never have to give him up.
That I hadn’t made a mistake that would shatter us both.
The darkness hid us from view, but that didn’t stop my hands from tracing every outline of muscle, every curve of his beloved body. I memorized every inch of him, stowed the knowledge away in the back of my mind for the future. If tears wet my cheeks, he never saw them; I buried my own pain to give him everything he wanted, for this one night at least.
The sandstorm had died down by the last time I awoke to find him already inside me, staring down from above. Sated and deliciously sore, I still twined my arms around his neck and tilted my hips to meet his thrusts. Remnants of a dream where I had been one of the belly dancers still flitted through my head, and I rotated my hips, grinding against him to the beat of our hearts.
He exhaled raggedly before rolling us sideways so that he lay beneath me. I peered down at him through my hair, then coiled my naked body above him. Closing my eyes, I flipped my hair back and danced above him, a slow and sensual rhythm flowing through me. His fingers dug into my hips as I swayed above him. Gone was the fierce need for completion; I danced for him, twisting myself to the music in my head. His hands smoothed up my sides to cup my breasts, thumbs flicking the nipples.
I splayed my hands across his wide chest, leaning forward as I rolled my hips, bringing him in and out of my body. Only then did I finally open my eyes to see him staring up at me, an awed fascination in his gaze. “So beautiful,” he breathed, before capturing my face and bringing me back down for another kiss.
We stayed like that for a while, no goal except to pleasure and find pleasure in each other. Finally, at long last, I slept, unable to keep myself awake any longer.
When I awoke, I was alone inside the tent. Sunlight poked through the cracks in the tent, enough light for me to see my clothing strewn across the room. There was no sign of Jeremiah, but I could still smell him on me, feel his lingering presence on my skin. The ache between my legs was no lie, but I ignored it as best I could, dressing quickly before pulling back the flap on the door.
Light streamed in, and I squinted down the makeshift hallway into the bright area that was the camp’s center. My eyes hadn’t yet adjusted but I could make out figures milling about. It was still too bright for me to watch for more than a couple seconds.
“Don’t worry, nobody saw him leave your tent.”
I jumped, startled, and looked the other direction to see Lucas sitting on the ground next to my room. He was staring at his hands, idly wiping sand from between his fingers. All I could do was stare, frozen in place, wondering how long he’d been sitting there. The silence stretched too long, and finally I had to say something. “Obviously, you saw him.”
“Yes, but apparently I’m nobody.” He stood to his feet, continuing to stare at the other wall before turning to look at me. The smiling mask was gone; he wore a stoic expression that would have done Jeremiah proud. “So, you’ve made your choice.”
There had never been a choice. But looking at the scarred man, I couldn’t say that out loud. “Lucas,” I started, but nothing else would come out.
He waited several seconds for me to continue, but when I didn’t continue he sighed. “Did you tell him?” he asked in a low voice.
I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat and gave a jerky shake of the head. “You’re not going to tell,” I started, unable to complete my question.
Annoyance played out across Lucas’ face. “It isn’t my secret to tell,” he said firmly. For a moment he looked at a loss for words, then those blue-green eyes met mine. “Did I ever have a chance with you?”