I put the car in park, trying to get myself together before I looked at her. No amount of deep breaths or silent mantras prepared me for the strong hurt all over her face.
“Mom,” I squeaked, anguish throttling me. “I swear it’s not like that. It was just supposed to be me, Jacob and Alicia. She sprung the planner on us.” When she didn’t look convinced I told her the whole truth. “We wanted nothing to do with her until a few weeks ago. She’s been against our relationship, but she apologized and she’s been trying to start over. The thing is, her version of ‘I’m sorry’ includes taking over.” I fell back against the seat. “Jacob and I haven’t even talked about what we want for our big day. Nothing has been decided.”
Her voice was unsure and barely above a whisper. “So you wouldn’t plan anything and keep me out?”
I unbuckled my seat belt and threw my arms around her. Sure, it was awkward and surprise kept her from hugging me back right away, but once she took me in, stroking my back like she did when I was little, everything was forgotten. Despite our faults and issues, she was my mom and I was her daughter.
I moved back, sniffling as she wiped her eyes with her hands. “I know we’ve been at odds since you came back from Venice, so I just thought...”
It was pretty obvious what she thought and not nearly as ludicrous as it should have been. We had been kinda...distant. It started with her unauthorized press conference at the house, was exacerbated by the whole Cade thing when she met Jacob, and it reached a fever pitch at the engagement dinner. It hadn’t even crossed my mind to ask for her input about the wedding. On one hand I thought that was because I was still trying to figure out a way to talk to Jacob about it, but that was just an excuse. I didn’t call and ask for her input because I was still a little miffed about where we stood.
I finger combed my curls away from my face, looking down. “I guess I haven’t completely forgiven you for all the things that have happened.” I winced, expecting her to rip me a new one and tell me to get over it, but she just gave me a nod.
“And you shouldn’t, until you’re ready.” She was rolling her shoulders back, stepping back into her take-charge persona. “I should respect you. I should have respected you all along and we might have been going dress shopping today instead of crying in a parking garage.”
I cracked a smile. “Jacob and I should probably decide what kind of wedding we want before we do any dress shopping.”
She quirked an eyebrow. “You haven’t talked about your wedding?”
“Nope,” I confirmed, twitching a shoulder. “He knows about my dream thing thanks to Meg, but I don’t know about his or what he wants.”
“Still want to do something small and beach-y?” she winked.
My cheeks heated. The only thing that kept me from dying on the spot when Megan revealed my dream wedding was the fact that the only proof ended with her. I’d have to clear that stuff out of my desk the next time I was at the house.
“I’m not worried about the beach part. The small part is what’s important to me.”
“I’m sure Jacob would be understanding,” she said reassuringly. “You should have heard the conversation your father and I had.
--I want to do it at a church. Something big and dramatic.
--Okay.
End of story,” she finished with a chuckle.
I smiled weakly. Besides the fact that my dad usually gave into my mom about most things, it wasn’t that surprising that he just went along with it. But I didn’t want Jacob to shrug and just say whatever I say goes. I wanted him to want to do something special. Something romantic that we could both look back on years later and remember how special it was. Uniquely us. Something we could build forever on.
Mom cocked her head, her expression soft as she studied me. “You want him to be involved.”
I nodded.
“And you want his mother to be un-involved.”
“Well, maybe not completely...” That was a bald-faced lie. I cleared my throat and tried honesty on for size. “Yes. I don’t want her involved.”
She settled in her seat. “And I’m guessing you're nervous about having that conversation with Jacob?”
I nodded a second time.
She let out a ‘hmmm’, nodding slowly. “Having uncomfortable conversations is part of being in a successful relationship. Especially if it’s regarding something like this that you can’t take back. I’m assuming you just wanna do this once,” she said with a hint of teasing in her voice.
There was more to this than she knew. Like the reasons we fell out with Alicia. Why I still didn’t want her to be a part of the planning process, even after her apology. I had a feeling Mom wasn’t her biggest fan already and that would just fuel the fire, so I kept her in the dark and managed a, ‘You’re right’.
I could tell she felt better after getting the planning stuff issue off her chest and I felt better now that there wasn’t a cloud of awkwardness hanging over our lunch date. But there were other things in the back of my mind that kept me from completely relaxing, completely letting go as she started talking about all the stores we could go to and look for dresses to suit any wedding.
I’d talked to Megan and now my mother. I had to stop putting it off and talk to the one person that really mattered.
Jacob.
****
Wear the little black dress, no bra, panties in your purse.
I didn’t ask any questions, like why I was cramming a pair of underwear in between my cell and wallet. I was just elated that he was back--and had something planned.
I couldn’t help but be a little annoyed when I saw how busy the private terminal was. I thought his late arrival would buy a little privacy. A little time.
Maybe Megan was right about the rose colored glasses, I scolded myself. The bustle was nonexistent compared to the regular terminal. I had nothing to complain about but I still found myself staring at each attendant, forcing away the annoyance in favor of a bright smile. Whatever Jacob had planned was sure to break all kinds of rules and I figured niceness would make the awkwardness easier to swallow if they walked in on something.
It could be all in your head after all. He hadn’t promised me anything. He could be testing me, pushing me and making me squirm until we got home and we could make up for what I was sure was the longest week of my life.
Without Jacob things didn’t feel right, I knew he was in London on business and I could tell how anxious he was to come home to me, but that didn’t make our bed any less lonely. And even though I knew he would be deplaning any minute now, it didn’t make my anxiety level relax. I wouldn’t relax until I could touch him. Until my hands could travel down his lapel, to his belt buckle--