“He’s not well? What’s wrong with him?” Asha asked anxiously, worried that something was wrong with Kade. And his assumption that she didn’t want to be with him couldn’t be further from the real truth.
“Max sees him more than I do, but he says Kade is walking around in a daze, like he doesn’t care about anything.”
Asha took a sip of her coffee, her mind racing. “Is he still working with Travis at Harrison every day?”
Maddie nodded. “Yeah. But even Travis is worried about him, and Travis rarely talks about or shows that he’s concerned, even if he is.”
Asha’s distress nearly made her get up and run to Kade to see if he was okay, but would Kade even want to see her? Right now, she didn’t know. Was he really mourning her loss that much? She had thought he’d get over her pretty quickly once she was gone. She wasn’t exactly a prize. They’d had phenomenal sex, and his kindness made him protective of her, but was it possible that he missed her as much as she missed him? “What do you think is wrong?”
“I think he’s heartbroken. First Amy left him, and now you. His recovery from the accident was long and painful. I think he’s hitting an all-time low. I don’t think Amy really affected anything except his pride. But he’s pretty devastated about you leaving.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Asha buried her face in her hands, unsure of what action she should take. The last thing she wanted was to see Kade suffer, but she wasn’t sure that seeing him would really make the situation any better.
Maddie reached across the table and squeezed Asha’s hand. “You need to take care of yourself first, Asha. Take whatever time you need to heal. You’ve been through way too much. You said your marriage was bad, but your ex-husband was abusive, wasn’t he?”
“Very,” she blurted out. The floodgates opened and she started to tell Maddie the whole truth about her upbringing and her marriage, not able to stop until the whole story was out. She didn’t want to put distance between herself and her siblings anymore, and she wanted Maddie to know the truth. It wasn’t a dirty little secret she needed to hide. For once, she was beginning to realize that it wasn’t her fault.
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry,” Maddie said sadly, after Asha had unburdened herself about the trials of her marriage.
“Don’t be,” Asha answered. “It wasn’t your fault. And I’m lucky I got out. I guess it’s hard to understand how the Indian culture is so motivated by shame and guilt. Knowing how and who my father was, I wish I had rebelled and never married. I wish I had handled everything differently. It never even occurred to me to do anything differently until I realized I really didn’t want to die.”
“It’s not the only culture where women are abused, Asha. It may be much more frequent and acceptable in Indian culture, but American women stay in abusive relationships, get mired in the cycle of abuse. Once you’re in the cycle, it’s very hard to get out. I’m just glad you’re escaping. Please know that Max and I will help you. We’re here for you. Are you getting counseling?”
“Yes. I’m seeing one of Devi’s colleagues. But I know I have to be responsible for making the changes myself. Dr. Miller opens my eyes to reality, and I’m doing my best to change myself.” Asha paused before adding, “I have a little apartment, and my business is thriving. I’m doing good, Maddie.”
“But you miss Kade?” Maddie questioned softly.
“So much it hurts,” Asha admitted to her sister. “I’m in love with him. At first, I wondered if I was confusing love with lust. The sex was incredible. But I miss everything about him. I think I’m realizing that the sex was incredible because I do love him.”
“And because he loves you?” Maddie questioned.
“Men are different,” Asha said morosely, thinking about Tate’s circumstances with the brunette. “I think they can have good sex without having their feelings involved.”
Maddie laughed. “True. But not that good.”
Asha looked at Maddie, her heart in her eyes. “What should I do?”
“That’s for you to decide. You are making your own decisions now,” Maddie told her warmly.
“Yeah. I guess I am,” Asha answered with a small smile. “It’s hard to get used to.”
“You’ll get used to it. I’m so proud of you, Asha. It takes a strong woman to survive what you’ve been through and then take charge of her life.” Maddie looked at her fondly.
Asha’s heart swelled. No one had ever been proud of her. “Thanks. I’m still a work in progress.”
“We all are.” Maddie took a sip of her coffee and set it down on the table. “None of us are without our issues. But admitting you have them and wanting to change things is the biggest step.”
“Thanks for supporting me,” Asha told her sincerely. “I’m so happy to have such an amazing woman for a sister.”
“Thanks for letting me support you,” Maddie quickly replied. “Max will be there for you, too.”
“Thank you, Maddie.” Asha rose and went to hug her sister, realizing how much knowing that she had her support added to her resolve. “I have to go. I have a project this afternoon.”
Maddie got up and wrapped her arm around Asha. “I’m off today. Sam is so anxious, and I don’t like seeing him stressed out. I’m only working part-time until the babies come. Maybe we can spend some time together. Please don’t shut me out. I want to help, even if you just need someone to listen.”
Asha made plans to see Maddie later in the week, wishing she had come to her earlier. Truth was, it had been selfish of her. Maddie wanted to support her independence, but Asha knew she would hurt every time she saw anyone who reminded her of Kade.
Start realizing that people care—and nurture that affection.
In other words, she needed to get used to it and accept it as truth. People cared about her now, and she needed to be careful of their feelings. Before, her actions had never really affected anyone. Now they did, and she had the ability to hurt people who cared about her.
She left Maddie’s home and thought about that nearly unbelievable truth all the way home.
Chapter 13
Asha visited Max the next morning, hoping he wasn’t working because it was a Saturday. She parked her car in front of his house, and hesitantly approached the security at his front gate, pulling her driver’s license out of her purse.