The Captain of All Pleasures (Sutherland Brothers #1)(66)
Author: Kresley Cole

At night she would cry, her mouth open from the force of her silent weeping.

Every now and then, a man came across a woman he could look at for hours, Derek drunkenly mused. Less frequently, a woman he could listen to for hours. The odds of finding these qualities combined in a woman who also gave boundless pleasure in bed was so rare it was fabled.

He’d found this woman and left her, while wondering every day when his natural selfishness would surface and he could return for her.

Yet Chancey had made it clear that they were sailing on the morning’s tide after Derek left. When he’d asked where the man was taking her, he’d answered only, “Where ye won’t find her if ye change yer mind.” Oh, he’d changed it all right .

As he sat in his cabin, drinking as he hadn’t done in months, his eyes moved over the scenes on the walls, the scenes Nicole had altered and completed while in Sydney, which he’d long since memorized. He’d never thought he would admit it, but he missed her things surrounding his own. Missed a stocking thrown over his chair. Missed the scent of almond oil or paint. Absently he fingered the case of sapphires he’d bought for her in Sydney.

He’d never taken the chance to give them to her. He would never have another.

His surroundings grew unfocused, as his hollow feelings, his want of Nicole, dredged up memories. He recalled a time when, as a boy, he had walked in on a conversation among his mother, his aunt, and their friends. They were all a little tipsy, and he’d been amused.

“My firstborn,” his mother had grandly begun, “shall have trouble governing his passions. His marriage will probably be one where husband and wife love and hate with equal intensity.”

“Oh, dear,” Aunt Serena had responded. “Sadly, I can see it.”

His mother noticed Derek and smilingly beckoned him beside her. “I am talking about your and your brothers’ futures. Would you like to hear about Grant?”

He’d nodded. “Well, Grant shall marry a woman completely opposite from him. As much as he is a prankster and rapscallion, she shall be a picture of virtue—a good girl with manners and money.”

“Sounds stale, Amanda,” one of her friends had remarked over her raised glass.

“Possibly,” she hedged. “But they’ll find their love in the differences. And for this one”—she’d smoothed a lock from Derek’s forehead, embarrassing him—“you, son, will have a wife and family you treasure above all else. You shall love them, and they will be your strength.”

“Well, he’s not the heir,” someone had observed. “A love match is certainly possible.”

“Not just possible. Derek, you remember this. My middle boy shall be a family man.”

How utterly wrong she’d been.

He was married to a woman he hated. Shortly after their farcical marriage, his friends’ pity had humiliated and angered him. He’d cut them off first. Then his family, especially when they’d recognized what they had done to a man who’d always wanted a wife and children.

He’d stopped attending functions because always the bloody questions about Lydia, about when an heir would be forthcoming, surrounded him. Or, worse, the pitying looks that circulated with rumors about her latest lover.

His anger compounded itself with each adjustment he made in his life. He gambled and drank far too much. His businesses went to hell, as did his estates. He’d come to relish the freedom that attended one so far gone. No one expected anything from him. No one depended on him. For the first time in his life, he was absolutely free. And absolutely miserable, but too entrenched to bother to change.

On the rare occasions when he interacted with his family, he’d vaguely comprehended his mother’s regret. As well as the fact that the lower Derek sank, the more upright and responsible the fun-loving Grant grew.

He thought about his dead brother, William. He’d been like a weight around Derek’s neck for years. Then to be chained to a female version of his petty, malicious brother forever. No wonder those two had been so drawn to each other.

He remembered hearing the servants whispering about William being spoiled. But they didn’t mean overindulged or cosseted, though he certainly was that.

They meant ruined .

Derek couldn’t stand being in this room any longer. He snatched up the jewel case, shoved it in his pocket. The bottle slipped from his other hand as he slammed out the door.

Looking out over the sea, he took a shuddering breath. His knuckles were white on the railing.

“Captain?” came a voice behind him.

He turned to see Bigsby, waiting with a sour expression on his face. The man wasted no pleasantries and said only, “A word with you.” The doctor sounded surprised by his own tone, but he didn’t back down.

“What’s this? Is a member of my crew voluntarily speaking to me?” No one approached him any longer. Sometimes he thought Jeb called him a snob behind his back, and others might add “bastard” to the list.

“We want to know why you left her. Why we were ordered to steal away while she went to town. You just abandoned her,” he added in a bewildered tone.

“You make it sound as if she was helpless when you know damn well she isn’t. And that Irisher was there to take her home, wherever that might be.”

“I know you are a peer, but she was good enough to be your wife even if her family didn’t have a title.”

“That had nothing to do with it!”

Bigsby looked confused. “Then what did?”

Derek shrugged, attempting nonchalance. “She can do better. Nicole doesn’t need a drunk who’s a decade older.”

“So stop drinking, Captain. And nine, maybe ten years is hardly a notable span between you,” he said reasonably. Then, as if counting down a list, he asked, “What’s the next reason you left her?”

Derek couldn’t believe the temerity of this man. Bigsby had chosen the wrong time to demonstrate his new spine. “You want to know?” he seethed. “I’ll tell you—I am already married!”

The man’s lips parted, but no words emerged.

“I can see I’ve shocked you. Yes, I have a wife in England. A wife I despise whom I’ve never touched, but a wife all the same.”

Bigsby’s eyebrows rose as he digested that information. Then he responded, “I’m sorry to hear that. It will be difficult for you and Miss Lassiter while you’re getting divorced from your current wife, but it will pass.” He looked about to say more, thought better of it. “Good night, Captain,” he said, and departed.

How easy Bigsby made it sound. But he didn’t know about deathbed promises and family secrets better left buried. Derek had done Nicole a favor.

Because he loved her.

A sharp, agonized roar burst from his chest as he flung the jewels into the sea.

Their ship hadn’t even docked at the Cape when Nicole spotted her father and his crew among the waiting crowds at the docks. The first line was barely secure before she ran across the gangway, pushing around people in her haste.