You just don’t.
I set the brush aside and wrap my arms around Clara. She is bigger than I remember, but she still feels so small. I pull her close and she curls against me, turning so I can see her face. Clara’s wide eyes look up at me. Beautiful Seer eyes. I know what she’s feeling. She’s lost, but I’ll help her. I’ll be anything she needs me to be.
“It’ll be fine, Clara. You’re here. We’re together. I promise nothing will ever happen to you again.”
That seems to calm her, so I keep saying it. Over and over. Gradually, I feel some of the tension seep out of her rigid little back, and she relaxes, her weight settling more fully on me.
I press my nose to her forehead and breathe in her sweet smell. I haven’t seen a strawberry in weeks, but somehow my sister smells of them. It’s her natural fragrance; even Perry and Liv always said so.
She is a sunbeam that smells of strawberries. Everything to me.
I kiss her head and hold her tighter. “I missed you so much.”
Clara doesn’t reply. She has already fallen asleep.
I hold her for a while longer, feeling grateful. So grateful she is here. And then, like a landslide that begins with a small pebble, my mind turns to Perry, and then to Liv, and then to Roar, and finally to how the four of us used to be.
I used to feel so carefree and alive when we were together. Lighter than air. Now when I think of them, I feel only the heavy, hot coals in my stomach.
I have to change this. I can’t do anything about Liv or Roar, but I have to let go of Perry. I don’t want him to take up space in my mind any longer. I need to be strong so I can help Clara.
I decide right then: I’ll do whatever it takes to put Peregrine behind me.
I am moving on.
Starting now.
3
When my mother returns, I help her tuck Clara in. Then I tell her I’m going out on night watch.
She understands. She doesn’t ask questions like my father would if he were here. Father would insist on coming with me. He was a great warrior once, but now he’s older, and I’m faster and sharper without him. I grab my bow and quiver, kiss Clara and Mom good-bye, and jog out to the main cavern before he arrives.
Most everyone has gone to the tents to sleep. Only a few lamps still burn around the perimeter of the platform, illuminating a dozen stray people. I spot a tall figure holding a bow, and my heartbeat stutters. Then he rises to his feet, and I see that it’s just Hyde.
He joins me, flicking the blond fringe out of his eyes. “You’re with me tonight. The others headed out ten minutes ago.”
Hyde is the middle brother of the Seers. I rarely see him without Hayden or Straggler. “You were left behind by Straggler?” I ask.
Hyde smiles. “It happens.” He shifts the bow and quiver on his shoulder. “Ready?”
“Yes, Hyde. I am ready.”
Since I made my decision about Perry, I’m feeling much more optimistic. I am finished with grief and rejection. Tonight I’m not just driving away intruders from Tide territory. I’m driving away unwelcome, unhealthy, unhappy thoughts. I’m reclaiming the territory of my mind and heart.
We leave the cave, trading the smell of sage and standing water for the outside smells: burning forest mixed with fresh ocean scent, and that peculiar prickle of the Aether, which isn’t a scent so much as a creeping, crawling sensation over your skin.
It’s much brighter outside, thanks to the Aether churning in glowing blue eddies above us. That sight used to send us running for the shelter of our homes. Now we are accustomed to it. Now we live in a cave.
“Fierce,” Hyde says, his eyes on the sky.
“I’ll protect you.”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that.”
His tone is light, but I know he means it. I might not be six and a half feet tall or weigh two hundred pounds, but I fight as well as any of the Six.
We cross the small strip of sand to the switchback path that climbs to the bluff above.
Hyde’s bow bounces gently on his wide back as he walks. It’s a beautiful bow, fashioned from a slender, straw-colored piece of yew. It matches Hyde. His build and his hair. An expert bow for an expert archer.
Hyde is one of the best, like me. I smile to myself.
My plan is working. Already Perry’s words don’t hurt as much.
We crest the bluff and head due east, following the route Reef described to Hyde earlier. Then we walk an hour and a half until we reach the top of the gentle slope, which affords a clear view of the easternmost border of Tide land.
This area is one of the few places in our territory that hasn’t succumbed to fires from Aether storms, and the oak trees along this ridge are majestic and ancient. Hyde and I settle on a fallen branch that’s as large as an ordinary tree.
We can see miles away—toward our eastern border. If there are intruders crossing into Tide land, we’ll spot them from here. Now there’s nothing left to do except that all-important job of being a sentry—waiting.
Before us, the valley slopes down to a grass clearing woven through by a line of trees that follow a dry creek bed.
My eyes wander to the largest tree.
The first time with Perry was there.
That night comes back to me with perfect clarity, and my face warms as I remember how he looked and how I felt. How we were both trembling and trying not to laugh in our fumbling, breathless eagerness.
Then my memories sink deeper, and I am with Liv earlier that night. She’d pulled me behind the cookhouse after supper.
“I love him,” she said. “I’m ready. Roar and I are ready.”