A mass of blossom petals went sailing in the wind.
“They’re leaving…,” she said.
I closed my eyes briefly. It was apt that Poppy left the same day that the cherry blossoms lost their petals too.
They were guiding her soul home.
Poppy’s breathing hollowed and I leaned forward, knowing this was it. I pressed my forehead to hers, just one last time. Poppy lifted her soft hand to my hair. “I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too, Poppymin.”
As I pulled back, Poppy looked into my eyes and said, “I’ll see you in your dreams.”
Trying to hold back my emotions, I rasped back, “I’ll see you in my dreams.”
Poppy sighed, a peaceful smile gracing her face. Then Poppy closed her eyes, tilting her chin up for her final kiss, her hand squeezing mine.
Lowering myself to her mouth, I pressed the softest, most meaningful kiss to her soft lips. Poppy breathed out through her nose, her sweet scent engulfing me … and she never breathed again.
Reluctantly pulling back, I opened my eyes, now witnessing Poppy in eternal sleep. She was as beautiful now as ever she was in life.
But I couldn’t tear myself away, and I pressed another kiss to her cheek. “One thousand and one,” I whispered aloud. I pressed another, and another. “One thousand and two, one thousand and three, one thousand and four.” Feeling a hand on my arm, I looked up. Mr. Litchfield was shaking his head sadly.
So many emotions rushed around within me that I didn’t know what to do. Poppy’s now-stilled hand remained in mine and I didn’t want to let go. But when I looked down, I knew she had returned home.
“Poppymin,” I whispered and looked out the window at the fallen petals racing by. As I glanced back, I saw her jar of kisses on her shelf, a single blank paper heart and pen lying beside it. I got to my feet, scooped them all up and rushed out onto the porch. As soon as the air hit my face, I fell back against the wall, trying to blink away the tears streaming down my face.
Slumping to the floor, I rested the heart on my knee and wrote:
Opening the jar, I placed the now-complete heart inside and sealed it shut. Then…
I didn’t know what to do. I searched all around me for something to help, but there was nothing. I placed the jar beside me and my arms around my legs, and rocked back and forth.
A creak on the step rang out. When I looked up, my pappa was standing there. I met his eyes. This was all he needed to see that Poppy had gone. My pappa’s eyes immediately filled with water.
I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore, so I released them, full force. I felt arms wrap around me. I tensed, then looked up to see my pappa holding me in his arms.
But this time I needed it.
I needed him.
Giving up the final traces of anger I still harbored, I fell into my pappa’s arms and set free all of my pent-up emotions. And my pappa let me. He stayed with me on that porch as day gave way to night. He held me without uttering a single word.
It was the fourth and final moment that defined my life—losing my girl. And, knowing it, my pappa simply held me.
I was sure that if I’d listened closely to the howling wind rushing by, I would have heard Poppy’s lips break into a wide smile as she danced her way home.
* * *
Poppy was laid to rest a week later. The service was just as beautiful as she deserved. The church was small, the perfect send-off for a girl that loved her family and friends with all her heart.
After the service, I decided against the wake at Poppy’s parents’ house and came back to my room. Less than two minutes later, a knock sounded on my door and my mamma and pappa walked in.
In my pappa’s hand was a box. I frowned when he laid it on my bed.
“What’s this?” I asked, confused.
My pappa sat down beside me and put his hand on my shoulder. “She asked us to give this to you after her funeral, son. She prepared it quite a while before she passed.”
My heart thundered in my chest. My pappa tapped the sealed box. “There’s a letter in there I was told to tell you to read first. Then a few boxes. They’re numbered in the order you have to open them.”
My pappa got to his feet. As he went to leave, I gripped onto his hand. “Thank you,” I said hoarsely. Pappa leaned forward and kissed my head.
“Love you, son,” he said softly.
“Love you too,” I replied, and meant every word. Things this week had been easier between us. If Poppy’s short life had taught me anything, it was that I had to learn to forgive. I had to love and I had to live. I’d blamed my pappa for so much for so long. In the end my anger caused only pain.
Moonbeam hearts and sunshine smiles.
My mamma kissed me on my cheek. “We’ll be outside if you need us, okay?” She was worried about me. But there was also a part of her that had relaxed. I knew it was the bridge I’d built with my pappa. I knew it was the release of all my harbored anger.
I nodded and waited until they had gone. It took fifteen minutes until I could bring myself to open the box. Immediately, I saw the letter on top.
It took me ten minutes more to break its seal:
Rune,
Let me start by saying how much I love you. I know you knew that; I don’t think there is a person on the planet that didn’t see just how perfect we were for each other.
However, if you’re reading this letter, it means I am home. Even as I write this, know that I’m not scared.
I guess the last week has been bad for you. I imagine it has been an effort to even take a breath, to get out of bed each day—I know, because that’s how I would feel in a world devoid of you. But even though I understand, it pains me that my absence will do this to you.
The hardest part was watching those I love crumble. The worst part for me, with you, was watching the anger burn within. Please, do not allow that to happen again.
If only for me, continue to be the man you have become. The best man I know.
You will see that I have given you a box.
I asked your pappa to help me weeks and weeks ago. I asked him to help me—he did so without a second thought. Because he loves you so very much.
I hope you know this now too.
In the box there will be another large envelope. Please open it now, then I will explain.
My heart raced as I gently placed Poppy’s letter on my bed. With shaking hands, I reached into the box and pulled out the large envelope. Needing to see what she had done, I quickly broke the seal. Reaching inside, I pulled out a letter. My eyebrows pulled down in confusion, then I saw the letterhead, and my heart completely stopped:
New York University. Tisch School of the Arts.
My eyes scanned down the page, and I read:
Mr. Kristiansen, On behalf of the admissions committee, it is my honor and privilege to share with you that you have been admitted to our Photography & Imaging program…
I read the entire letter. I read it twice.
Not understanding what was happening, I scrambled to find Poppy’s letter and read on.
Congratulations!
I know that right now you will be confused. Those dark-blond eyebrows I adore so much will be pulled down and that scowl that you wear so well will be etched on your face.
But it’s okay.
I expect you to be shocked. I expect you to resist at first. But, Rune. You won’t. This school has been your dream since we were kids, and just because I am no longer there to live my dream alongside you, it does not mean that you should sacrifice yours.
Because I know you so well, I also know that in my final weeks, you will have abandoned everything to stay by my side. I love you for that more than you will ever understand. The way you cared for me, protected me … the way you held me in your arms and kissed me so sweetly.