“She was kind of… backstage. She didn’t really want to be seen.”
“Who is she?”
“She’s… a relation,” I say at last.
Kate’s face falls still further. “Oh, right. Well, I suppose you probably work well together if you’re related.”
“We’ve got to understand each other pretty well.” I nod, biting my lip. “I mean, we’ve had a zillion arguments along the way. But, you know. We’ve spent a lot of time together. We’ve been through quite a lot. We’re… friends.”
I feel a pang in my chest even as I’m saying it. Maybe we were friends. I don’t know what we are now. And all of a sudden I feel heavy despair. Look at me. I’ve messed everything up with Sadie, with Ed, with Josh, I don’t have a business anymore, my parents are going to freak out, I’ve spent all my spare money on bloody flapper dresses-
“Well, if she ever doesn’t want to do it anymore…” Kate’s face brightens. “Or if she wants an assistant?”
“I don’t know what our plans are. I just… it’s all been a bit…” I feel my eyes sting. Kate’s face is so sympathetic and open, and I’ve been feeling so tense, the words start slipping out. “The thing is… we had a row. And she disappeared. I haven’t seen her or heard from her since.”
“You’re joking!” says Kate in dismay. “What was the row about?”
“Lots of things,” I say miserably. “I suppose mostly about… a man.”
“And do you know if she’s…” Kate hesitates. “I mean… is she OK?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s happened to her. She could be anywhere. I mean, normally we’re talking to each other all day long. But now… total silence.” With no warning, a tear rolls down my cheek.
“Oh, Lara!” says Kate, looking almost as upset as I feel. “And all this with Natalie too. Can Josh help?” She suddenly lights up. “Does he know her? He’s so supportive-”
“I’m not with Josh anymore!” I give a sudden sob. “We split up!”
“You split up?” Kate gasps. “Oh God, I had no idea! You must be so stressed out!”
“It hasn’t been my best week, to be honest.” I wipe my eyes. “Or my best day. Or my best hour.”
“You did the right thing, though, leaving Natalie.” Kate lowers her voice fervently. “And you know what? Everyone will want to do business with you. They love you. And they hate Natalie.”
“Thanks.” I try to smile. The lift arrives, and Kate holds the doors open for me while I lug my box in and balance it on the rail.
“Is there anywhere you could look for your relation?” Kate surveys me anxiously. “Is there any way you could track her down?”
“Dunno.” I shrug despondently. “I mean, she knows where I am, she knows how to get hold of me-”
“Maybe she wants you to make the first move, though?” Kate says tentatively. “You know, if she’s feeling hurt, maybe she’s waiting for you to get hold of her . It’s just an idea…” she calls as the doors begin to close. “I don’t want to interfere…”
The lift starts inching creakily downward, and I stare at the grotty carpet-wall, suddenly transfixed. Kate’s a genius. She’s got it in one. Sadie’s so proud, she’d never make the first move. She’ll be waiting somewhere; waiting for me to come and apologize and make up. But where?
After what seems like hours, the lift arrives at the ground floor, but I don’t move, even though this box is starting to weigh my arms down. I’ve left my job. I have no idea what my future is. My life feels as if it’s just been through the shredder, on extra-fine, totally destroy mode.
But I refuse to wallow. Or cry. Or drone on about it. I can almost hear Sadie’s voice in my ear. Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail…
“Tally-ho!” I say to my reflection in the grimy mirror, just as Sanjeev, who works on the ground floor, walks into the lift.
“Sorry?” he says.
I summon the most ravishing smile I can. (At least, I hope it’s ravishing, as opposed to deranged-looking.) “I’m leaving. Bye, Sanjeev. Nice knowing you.”
“Oh,” he says in surprise. “Well, good luck. What are you doing next?”
I don’t even pause to think.
“I’ll be doing a bit of ghost-hunting,” I say.
“Ghost-hunting?” He looks confused. “Is that like… headhunting?”
“Kind of.” I smile again and head out of the lift.
TWENTY-ONE
Where is she? Where the bloody fuck is she?
This is getting beyond a joke. I’ve spent three days searching. I’ve been to every vintage shop I can think of and hissed “Sadie?” through the racks of clothes. I’ve knocked on the doors of all the flats in this building and called out “I’m looking for my friend Sadie!” loud enough for her to hear. I’ve been to the Flashlight Dance Club and peered among the dancers on the dance floor. But there was no sight of her.
Yesterday I went to Edna’s house and made up a story about my cat being lost, which resulted in both of us going around the house, calling, “Sadie? Puss puss puss?” But there was no answer. Edna was very sweet, and she’s promised to get in touch if she sees a stray tabby around the place. But that doesn’t exactly help me.