"And who else are you going to feed off of every day? Richard? Jean-Claude? Micah?"
"The ardeur may be temporary," I said.
He put a hand on either side of my waist. "If it's temporary, then feed on me until it goes away. If it's permanent ..."
"I don't want to feed on anyone."
His hands slid around my waist, his head going to my lap, and I realized he was crying. "Please, don't do this, Anita, please don't do this."
I stroked his hair, his face, and didn't know what to say. What was I going to do if the ardeur was permanent? Richard didn't let anyone feed off of him for any reason--same rule I had. Jean-Claude would be literally dead to the world when I most needed to feed. Micah was still a question mark. But in some ways, feeding off of Nathaniel because he was the only one that would let me, was almost worse.
I lifted his face from my lap, a hand on either side. Tears glittered on his cheeks in the faint light. I kissed his forehead, kissed his closed eyes, the way you would a child's.
"Did I get here just in time, or am I interrupting?" It was Richard standing in the doorway. Perfect f**king timing, as always.
Chapter 33
I FROZE WITH Nathaniel's face cradled in my hands, him kneeling between my legs with the table hiding most of him, having just risen from kissing him, and knew how it looked. I wasn't sure I could explain it to Richard's satisfaction. To my knowledge Richard didn't know about the ardeur yet, and right then I didn't want to tell him.
I laid another gentle kiss on Nathaniel's forehead and leaned back. I wasn't going to act like I'd done something wrong when I hadn't. Nathaniel took his cue from me, laying his head back in my lap, which I realized meant he was invisible from the doorway, the table hiding what he was doing.
Richard strode into the kitchen like an angry wind, his power biting along my skin. He came to stand where he could see that Nathaniel had his cheek against my thigh, gazing up at the larger man, as he towered over both of us.
Jamil and Shang-Da were hanging back by the doorway. They were good bodyguards, but some things bodyguards can't keep you safe from.
I felt my face go neutral, empty, vaguely pleasant. "I was comforting one of my leopards, something wrong with that?"
"He looks very comfortable," Richard said, voice mild enough, but his power was hot, like opening the door to an oven.
I licked my lips. I was going to have to explain the ardeur, sooner or later, and since I wanted him to help us save Gregory, tonight was probably the right time. "Nathaniel and I were discussing some side effects of marrying the vampire marks."
"You mean the ardeur," he said.
I was surprised and let it show. "Who told you?"
"Jean-Claude thought I should know. He encouraged me to come over and be here for you in the morning."
"And you said?" I kept my voice as neutral as I could, but not as neutral as I wanted it to be.
"I don't let him, or Asher, or any of them, feed off of me, blood or anything else. I don't see why I should change that rule just because it's you and it's sex instead of blood."
"Did he explain that if I don't feed off of you, or him, I still have to feed off of someone?"
"There's always your Nimir-Raj." The contempt in his voice was thick enough to walk on.
"Micah's been called away on pard business."
"You really think he won't be back before morning so you can f**k him? I do."
I stared up at him, still sitting in the face of his burning power and the sheer physical presence of him. Richard was one of those big men who never seemed big unless he was angry. He seemed big now, and I wasn't impressed.
I started petting Nathaniel's hair, and he snuggled in against my legs, letting the tension ease out of his body. "You dumped me, remember?"
"And did you f**k him for the first time before or after you found out I'd dumped you?"
I had to think about that for a second or two. "After," I said.
"You mourned my loss for, what, half a second?"
I felt heat crawl up my face. I was out of moral high ground, and explaining that it was the ardeur just wasn't good enough for Richard.
"It took all three of us to get into this mess, don't make it worse."
"Don't you mean four of us, or is it five now?"
I must have looked as blank as I felt. "I don't know what you're talking about."
He grabbed the table and shoved it backwards with a scream of wood on wood. Nathaniel stayed curled around my legs and just looked up at him. I'd never gotten my gun back from the wererats. I had gotten my knives back, but I wasn't really willing to cut Richard up, not yet, not for this. I couldn't arm wrestle Richard, not and win, so really my only option was to sit, look perfectly calm, and tell him by my facial expression what a f**king ass**le he was being.
He shoved the table again, making the wood scream, then he knelt beside Nathaniel and pushed his long hair back. He bared his back and stared at the bite marks.
"Is that all?" he asked, voice fierce, his power so high it was like treading in boiling water, up to my chin, and still rising.
"No," I said.
Richard gripped the back of Nathaniel's shorts and pulled, the movement so violent that Nathaniel's entire body moved with it. I heard the button from the top of the shorts bounce along the floor. Richard jerked down the shorts and stared at the bite marks, where they trailed ever lower.
Richard leaned over Nathaniel, not quite touching, but he was like some huge presence, and I felt Nathaniel cower against me.
Richard hissed into his ear, "Did she suck you off? She's good at that."
"That's enough, Richard."
Nathaniel answered, "No."
"You're so scared of me I can't tell if you're lying or not." He grabbed a handful of Nathaniel's hair and pulled him backwards, peeling him away from me. I had one of the wrist sheath knives in my hand and didn't remember drawing it. The point was pressed against the long line of Richard's throat, and even I was breathless at the speed of it. It must have been a blur of movement. It wasn't human speed.
Everything froze.
Shang-Da and Jamil moved into the room. I pressed the point deeper against Richard's neck. "Don't interfere, boys."
They stopped moving. I met Richard's gaze and found his eyes had gone wolf amber. "Let go of him, Richard." My voice was low, but it seemed to fill the room.
"You wouldn't kill me for this." His voice was low, careful, too.
"Kill, no, but bleed? Oh, yes."
"You need me to help you save Gregory."
I could feel his pulse beating against the tip of my knife. "I won't let you hurt Nathaniel to save Gregory."
His grip actually tightened on Nathaniel's hair, and I pressed the point in enough to draw the first crimson drop. "Would you be this upset if it wasn't Nathaniel?" he said.
"This is the only warning I will ever give you, Richard. Never touch one of my people again."
"Or what? You'll kill me? I don't think you'll do it."
I realized in that moment that if I wasn't willing to kill him, I had no threat. And I really wasn't willing to kill him, not over this, not yet.
I drew the blade back from his neck and watched him relax, the tension easing away from him, his hand still in Nathaniel's hair. I moved without thinking, and I was fast enough that the knife cut across his forearm before he could react. He jerked away, came to his feet, and took a step back, holding his bleeding arm. The cut was deeper than I'd meant for it to be, because I'd rushed it. Blood dripped from between his fingers. Jamil and Shang-Da moved into the room.
I stood and drew Nathaniel with me, as he pulled up his shorts to cover himself. I put the French doors at our backs. "You are never to lay a hand in anger on my leopards, Richard, you or any of your wolves."
Jamil was helping Richard press a towel to the wound. Shang-Da had gone for Dr. Lillian. "It would serve you right if I just walked out and left you and your leopards to fend for yourselves."
"You'd leave Gregory to be permanently deaf, or dead, because we had a fight? He's in danger because you couldn't control your temper, or your wolves."
"It's my fault, right, all my fault."
I just looked at him, Nathaniel behind me, the bloody knife still in my hand.
Richard gave a laugh that sounded more out of pain than humor. "I've let everyone down tonight." He looked at me, and there was something fierce in his face that wasn't his beast but just sheer emotion. Anger, pain, so deep it was like anguish. "I'll help you save Gregory, because you're right, it is my fault. I'll take this," he raised the wounded arm, while Jamil still held it, "because you're right again, I had no right to touch one of your people. I wouldn't have let you abuse one of my wolves either."