Katie said nothing. Instead, she turned away abruptly, her face closing down like a gate slamming shut.
“Did I say something wrong?” he asked.
She shook her head without answering. Alex stared at her, wondering what was going on. His suspicions abouther past surfaced almost immediately.
“What’s going on, Katie?”
“Nothing,” she insisted, but as soon as the word came out, he knew she wasn’t telling the truth. In anotherplace and time, he would have followed up with another question, but instead, he let it drop.
“We don’t have to talk about it,” he said quietly. “And besides, it’s not who I am anymore. Believe me when I sayI’m a lot happier running a general store.”
She nodded, but he sensed a trace of lingering anxiety. He could tell she needed space, even if he wasn’t surewhy. He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb. “Listen, I forgot to add more briquettes to the grill. If the kidsdon’t get their s’mores, I’ll never hear the end of it. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Sure,” she answered, feigning nonchalance. When he jogged off, Katie exhaled, feeling like she’d somehowescaped. He used to be a police officer , she thought to herself, and she tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter.
Even so, it took almost a minute of steady breathing before she felt somewhat in control again. Kristen and Joshwere in the same places, though Kristen had bent over to examine another seashell, ignoring her soaring kite.
She heard Alex approaching behind her.
“Told you it wouldn’t take long,” he said easily. “After we eat the s’mores, I was thinking about calling it a day.
I’d love to stay out until the sun sets, but Josh has school tomorrow.”
“Whenever you want to go is fine with me,” she said, crossing her arms.
Noting her rigid shoulders and the tight way she’d spoken the words, he furrowed his brow. “I’m not sure what Isaid that bothered you, but I’m sorry, okay?” he finally said. “Just know that I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
She nodded without answering, and though Alex waited for more, there was nothing. “Is this the way it’s goingto be with us?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I feel like I’m suddenly walking on eggshells around you, but I don’t know why.”
“I’d tell you but I can’t,” she said. Her voice was almost inaudible over the sound of the waves.
“Can you at least tell me what I said? Or what I did?”
She turned toward him. “You didn’t say or do anything wrong. But right now, I can’t say any more than that,okay?”
He studied her. “Okay,” he said. “As long as you’re still having a good time.”
It took some effort, but she finally managed a smile. “This is the best day I’ve spent in a long time. Bestweekend in fact.”
“You’re still mad about the bike, aren’t you?” he said, narrowing his eyes in mock suspicion. Despite thetension she felt, she laughed.
“Of course. It’s going to take a long time for me to recover from that,” she said, pretending to pout.
Turning his gaze to the horizon, he seemed relieved.
“Can I ask you something?” Katie asked, turning serious again. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.
”
“Anything,” he said.
“What happened to your wife? You said she had a seizure, but you haven’t told me why she was sick.”
He sighed, as if he’d known all along she was going to ask but still had to steel himself to answer. “She had abrain tumor,” he began slowly. “Or, more accurately, she had three different types of brain tumors. I didn’t know itthen, but I learned that’s fairly common. The one that was slow-growing was just what you’d think; it was about thesize of an egg and the surgeons were able to take most of it out. But the other tumors weren’t so simple. Theywere the kind of tumors that spread like spider legs, and there was no way to remove them without removing partof her brain. They were aggressive, too. The doctors did the best they could, but even when they walked out ofsurgery and told me that it had gone as well as it could, I knew exactly what they meant.”
“I can’t imagine hearing something like that.” She stared down at the sand.
“I admit I had trouble believing it. It was so… unexpected. I mean, the week before, we were a normal family, andthe next thing I knew, she was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
Off to the side, Kristen and Josh were still concentrating on their kites but Katie knew that Alex could barelysee them.
“After surgery, it took a few weeks for her to get back on her feet and I wanted to believe that things were okay.
But after that, week by week, I began to notice little changes. The left side of her body started to get weaker andshe was taking longer and longer naps. It was hard, but the worst part for me was that she began to pull awayfrom the kids. Like she didn’t want them to remember her being sick; she wanted them to remember the way sheused to be.” He paused before finally shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that. She was a greatmom. I mean, look how well they’re turning out.”
“I think their father has something to do with that, too.”
“I try. But half the time, it doesn’t feel like I know what I’m doing. It’s like I’m faking it.”
“I think all parents feel like that.”
He turned toward her. “Did yours?”
She hesitated. “I think my parents did the best they could.” Not a ringing endorsement, but the truth.
“Are you close with them?”
“They died in a car accident when I was nineteen.”
He stared at her. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It was tough,” Katie said.
“Do you have any brothers and sisters?”
“No,” she said. She turned toward the water. “It’s just me.”
A few minutes later, Alex helped the kids reel in their kites and they headed back to the picnic area. The coalsweren’t quite ready and Alex used the time to rinse the boogie boards and shake sand from the towels beforepulling out what he needed for the s’mores.
Kristen and Josh helped pack up most of their things and Katie put the rest of the food back into the coolerwhile Alex began ferrying items to the jeep. By the time he was finished, only a blanket and four chairs remained.
The kids had arranged them in a circle while Alex handed out long prongs and the bag of marshmallows. In hisexcitement, Josh ripped it open, spilling a small pile onto the blanket.
Following the kids’ lead, Katie pushed three marshmallows onto the prong and the four of them stood over thegrill, twirling the prongs, while the sugary puffs turned golden brown. Katie held hers a little too close to the heatand two of the marshmallows caught on fire, which Alex quickly blew out.
When they were ready, Alex helped the kids finish the treat: chocolate on the graham cracker, followed by themarshmallow and topped with another cracker. It was sticky and sweet and the best thing Katie had eaten in aslong as she could remember.
Sitting between his kids, she noticed Alex struggling with his crumbling s’more, making a mess, and when heused his fingers to wipe his mouth, it made matters only worse. The kids found it hilarious, and Katie couldn’t helpgiggling as well, and she felt a sudden, unexpected surge of hope. Despite the tragedy they’d all gone through,this was what a happy family looked like; this, she thought, is what a loving family did when they were together.
For them, it was nothing but an ordinary day on an ordinary weekend, but for her, there was something revelatoryabout the notion that wonderful moments like these existed. And that maybe, just maybe, it would be possible forher to experience similar days in the future.
12
Then what happened?”
Jo was sitting across from her at the table, the kitchen glowing yellow, illuminated only by the light above thestove. After Katie had returned, she’d come over, specks of paint in her hair. Katie had started a pot of coffee andtwo cups were on the table.
“Nothing, really. After finishing the s’mores, we walked down the beach one last time, then got in the car anddrove home.”
“Did he walk you to the door?”
“Yes.”
“Did you invite him in?”
“He had to get the kids back home.”
“Did you kiss him good night?”
“Of course not.”
“Why not?”
“Weren’t you listening? He was bringing his kids to the beach and he invited me along. It wasn’t a date.”
Jo raised her coffee cup. “It sounds like a date.”
“It was a family day.”
Jo considered that. “It sounded like the two of you spent a lot of time talking.”
Katie leaned back in her chair. “I think you wanted it to be a date.”
“Why would I want that?”
“I have no idea. But ever since we’ve met, in every conversation, you bring him up somehow. It’s like you’vebeen trying to… I don’t know. Make sure I notice him.”
Jo swirled the contents of her cup before setting it back on the table. “And have you?”
Katie threw up her hands. “See what I mean?”
Jo laughed before shaking her head. “All right. How about this?” She hesitated, then went on. “I’ve met a lot ofpeople, and over time I’ve developed instincts that I’ve learned to trust. As we both know, Alex is a great guy, andonce I got to know you, I felt the same way about you. Other than that, I haven’t done anything more than teaseyou about it. It’s not like I dragged you to the store and introduced the two of you. Nor was I around when heasked you to go to the beach, an invitation you were more than willing to accept.”
“Kristen asked me to go…”
“I know. You told me that,” Jo said, arching an eyebrow. “And I’m sure that’s the only reason you went.”
Katie scowled. “You have a funny way of twisting things around.”
Jo laughed again. “Did you ever think that it’s because I’m envious? Oh, not that you went with Alex, but thatyou got to go to the beach on a perfect day, while I was stuck inside painting… for the second day in a row? If Inever touch a paint roller again in my life, it’ll still be too soon. My arms and shoulders are sore.”
Katie stood up from the table and went to the counter. She poured another cup of coffee for herself and held upthe pot. “More?”
“No, thank you. I need to sleep tonight and the caffeine would keep me up. I think I’m going to order someChinese food. You want any?”
“I’m not hungry,” Katie said. “I ate too much today.”
“I don’t think that’s possible. But you did get a lot of sun. It looks good on you, even if it’ll lead to wrinkles later.
”
Katie snorted. “Thanks for that.”
“What are friends for?” Jo stood and gave a catlike stretch. “And listen, I had a good time last night. Although, Ihave to admit, I paid for it this morning.”
“It was fun,” Katie agreed.
Jo took a couple of steps before turning around. “Oh, I forgot to ask you. Are you going to keep the bike?”
“Yes,” Katie said.
Jo thought about it. “Good for you.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just that I don’t think you should give it back. You obviously need it and he wanted you to have it. Whyshouldn’t you keep it?” She shrugged. “Your problem is that you sometimes read too much into things.”
“Like with my manipulative friend?”
“Do you really think I’m manipulative?”
Katie thought about it. “Maybe a little.”
Jo smiled. “So what’s your schedule like this week? Are you working a lot?”
Katie nodded. “Six nights and three days.”
Jo made a face. “Yuck.”
“It’s okay. I need the money and I’m used to it.”
“And, of course, you had a great weekend.”
Katie paused. “Yeah,” she said. “I did.”
13
The next few days passed uneventfully, which only made them feel longer to Alex. He hadn’t spoken to Katiesince he’d dropped her off on Sunday evening. It wasn’t completely unexpected, since he knew she was workinga lot this week, but more than once he found himself wandering out of the store and staring up the road, feelingvaguely disappointed when he didn’t see her.
It was enough to squash the illusion that he’d dazzled her to the point that she couldn’t resist stopping by. Hewas surprised, though, by the almost teenage-like enthusiasm he felt at the prospect of seeing her again, even ifshe didn’t feel the same way. He pictured her on the beach, her chestnut hair fluttering in the breeze, her delicatelyboned features, and eyes that seemed to change color every time he saw them. Little by little, she’d relaxed as theday had worn on, and he had the sense that going to the beach had softened her resistance somehow.
He wondered not only about her past, but about all the other things he still didn’t know about her. He tried toimagine what kind of music she liked, or what she thought about first thing in the morning, or whether or not she’dever attended a baseball game. He wondered whether she slept on her back or on her side and, if given thechoice, whether she preferred a shower to a bath. The more he wondered, the more curious he became.
He wished she would trust him with the details of her past, not because he was under the illusion that he couldsomehow rescue her or felt that she even needed to be rescued, but because giving voice to the truth of her pastmeant opening the door to the future. It meant they would be able to have a real conversation.