The idea of going down there scared her to death. The things she’d seen were too horrific to face, and she knew that if she went down there, those memories would force their way to the front of her mind, demanding that she relive them.
She couldn’t do it. She wasn’t strong enough.
But she also couldn’t leave a man she cared about to dive alone into a dangerous situation when her presence could mean the difference between life and death.
As much as she hated it, she knew what she had to do.
With a silent curse for having been dragged into this situation—into this world she wanted no part of—she shoved her way out of the car and stomped to the back of the SUV. “I’m going in with you.”
“Like hell,” he said, his tone flat and final.
No way was she going to let him make this decision for her. She was a grown woman, and in some ways more powerful than he was. He didn’t get to boss her around. “I can go in with you, or I can wait until you’re down there, and then go in. I don’t know much about rappelling gear, so I could break my neck getting in, but I am going in.”
He lifted his head from the ropes he was toying with and gave her a hard stare. “You were held prisoner here.”
“I know.”
“It scares you shitless to think about going down there. I’ve felt it.”
“I know. I’m also scared to stay up here alone. I’m pretty much doomed to be afraid tonight, so I might as well do the right thing.”
“There’s no way to know what we’ll see.”
“I’m not a child.”
“No, but there could be one down there. If there is, we may not be able to rescue them—at least not without backup. Are you going to be able to do that? Are you going to be able to walk away from a child in need?”
She knew that was beyond her, but it changed nothing. If she went down there, then any child in captivity would have a better chance of surviving with her help. “I’m going down there, Iain.”
Anger tightened his jaw, making muscles bulge beneath his skin. “I could duct tape your ass in the seat.”
“And leave me helpless to defend myself? You’d never do that.”
“I can’t risk your life letting you go down there. My brothers need you too much.”
“It’s not your life to risk. It’s mine.”
His nostrils flared and he shook his head, cursing beneath his breath. “Why are you being so obstinate?”
“Because you need me. Because despite the fact that you seem to have little regard for your own life, I happen to regard it very highly.”
His gaze slid away as if he was trying to hide something. “Don’t get too attached to me. We won’t be working together long.”
“So you’ve figured out a way to break our connection?” For some reason, the idea didn’t seem as appealing as it had before. Maybe it was some kind of inherent magic in the luceria that tied them together, or maybe it was that she was no longer quite so appalled by the idea of sharing her emotions, but whatever the case, she was becoming used to having him around. She was getting used to having so much power as well, but even if she tapped into that of another man, she was sure it wouldn’t feel the same. She wasn’t sure she even wanted it to feel the same, as if that would somehow be cheating.
“I’m working on it,” he said.
“How?”
“Don’t worry about that right now. We need to focus on what we’re doing here and now.”
We. A jolt of victory shot through her as she realized she’d won. Then all she felt was dread, because she’d won. She was going down into that cave with him.
* * *
Iain kept careful tabs on Jackie, opening himself to let her chaotic emotions trickle into him. It seemed to feed his rage, but he couldn’t tell if that was because he was somehow fueling his own feelings, or if it was a reaction to the trembling pile of fear she was putting off.
Either way, the monster within him—the one that Tynan had put to sleep somehow—was slowly waking and growing in strength. He could feel it happening and knew it wouldn’t be long before he was right back where he’d been, fighting the constant need to kill.
He buckled Jackie into a harness, making sure that her face shield was in place. The magically enhanced trench coat she wore would protect her from some attacks, but he didn’t plan to let her get close enough to need it.
They lowered themselves down. He kept tabs on her progress, staying by her side in case she started to panic. To her credit, she kept herself in control, even though he could feel how desperately she was fighting her fear.
Once this was done, he was going to inform Joseph that she needed to be kept out of combat situations. She wasn’t ready for this. It was too much to ask of her, no matter how brave a face she put on.
They hit the floor of the cave. Jackie’s breathing was shallow and fast, and he could feel little spurts of panic trembling through their link, beating in time with her frantic heartbeat.
He scanned the area, seeing no sign of demons this close to the entrance. During the day, it would be a dangerous place for Synestryn, so chances were they were deeper, where no light could reach.
Iain disconnected her line from the harness and cupped her face in his hands. She was so pretty, even though she was too pale and her gray eyes were wide with fear. He wanted to do something to ease her, but he was out of practice with such things, unsure what to do to comfort her.
The best he could offer was a distraction.
He lowered his mouth to hers, giving her the briefest, fleeting kiss. He knew if he let himself go further, he’d forget there was danger lurking nearby. She went to his head, driving out all rational thought.
Iain pulled back and tried to give her a reassuring smile. He couldn’t seem to remember how to make those muscles move, or maybe they were weak from lack of use. Either way, all she got was what he was sure was a painful grimace.
“What was that for?” she asked.
“Luck,” he said, hiding his true purpose.
Her cheeks had pinkened, and her pupils had dilated so she no longer looked so terrified. In fact, what he felt coming through the luceria now was a mix of confusion and the faintest hint of desire.
She wanted him, and that knowledge swelled within him, making him feel powerful.
His monster lifted its head as if scenting prey, but Iain ignored it. “We should go.”
She nodded, licking her lips.
He was going to kiss her again. Not now, not when doing so could get her killed, but soon. He promised himself that he’d kiss her one more time before he died. That wasn’t too much to ask in the way of a consolation prize.
Iain stepped away, shifting his focus to the job at hand. “Stay behind me and move as quietly as you can.”
“I need a light.”
“You can see in the dark. Just draw on my power and funnel it toward your eyes.”
“Oh,” she breathed. “Wow. That’s amazing.”
The speed at which she learned was what was amazing. It took most women weeks, sometimes years, to do what she seemed to be able to do almost instantly. He wasn’t sure why that was, but if Tynan or one of the other Sanguinar found out, they might want to experiment with her.
Which would happen over his f**king corpse.
He ducked beneath an overhang of rock, following the natural opening in the stone. Jackie was at his back, so close he could feel the heat coming off her. The rough tunnel sloped down, hooking to the left around a giant stalagmite and stalactite that had been there long enough to meet and become a solid column. He moved to go around it when he felt Jackie tug at the back of his jacket.
Iain stopped and looked down at her. She was frowning, scanning the area as if confused. “I’ve been here before,” she whispered.
“You said that.”
“No, here,” she said, walking to what looked like a crease in the rock wall. Instead, it was a narrow opening that led to another tunnel. “This way.”
“Step back.”
She did, and he squeezed through the gap, barely. He had to let his breath all the way out so that his chest collapsed enough to shove through. Jackie slipped through easily.
After a few steps, Iain could smell the fetid stink of Synestryn. It was cloyingly sweet and rancid, filling the tunnel like a fog. He tried not to gag, but the reflex was strong.
“Ugh,” said Jackie.
A moment later, he felt a cool bit of power hovering over his mouth and nose. The air was clean, and he breathed it in.
“Better?” she asked.
Iain turned as he realized she’d done that. He’d never heard of such a thing, but then again, Jackie was nothing if not amazing. “I don’t know how you did that, but it’s handy.” His voice came out slightly muted, as if he’d cupped his hands over his mouth.
Hers did, too. “It’s necessary.”
He continued down the tunnel, sword in hand. The rocks under their feet were loose, mixed with odd bits of bone. He heard Jackie stumble, heard the rocks shift suddenly and her quick inhalation of breath. Reflexes had him spinning before he could think about it, and he grabbed her arm to hold her up.
Her lips were parted in shock and the urge to kiss her again slammed into him out of nowhere.
This was not the time or the place. He knew that, but his body ignored facts, his fingers itching for the feel of her bare skin, his c*ck twitching in interest beneath his jeans. What he wouldn’t have given for a nice, safe, quiet place where he could strip her bare and take his time kissing her from head to toe. Not that she’d want that, but Iain hadn’t wanted anything quite this much for a long, long time.
Before he did something stupid, he let go of her slender arms and turned away.
The tunnel angled down, widening out as it went.
“I think we’re close,” she said in a faint whisper.
Her fear was no longer trickling into him—it was flowing, becoming more frothy and chaotic with each passing moment.
Iain tried to reassure her, forcing calming thoughts of safety and comfort through their link. He wasn’t sure if what he’d done was working, or that he’d even reached her. Maybe there was something wrong with him—something about his dead soul that kept him from making the right connection. All he knew was that she was afraid, and the need for violence, the need to kill what was scaring her, was growing faster than he could control.
The monster pushed to its feet and began pacing the confines of its cage.
Iain moved forward cautiously. Inside his head, he got a momentary image of a cavern with three exits. One was lit, glowing with a faint golden light. In the next second, the image was gone, leaving him feeling oddly alone.
He ignored it, creeping round a bend in the tunnel. It opened into a cavern nearly identical to the one he’d seen a moment ago.
Left, whispered across his mind, corresponding with the glowing exit.
Jackie. That had been her inside of him, guiding him forward.
The realization left him humbled and shaken. As much as she hated being part of their world, she was doing what needed to be done. He had to respect the hell out of her for that.
Of course it also meant that she was tying herself to him more tightly, or she never would have been able to communicate with him like that.