“A boxer? How fascinating,” Stone continued in his bland voice. “You mentioned quitting a job. Weren’t you employed by MacKay Security and Investigation?”
Phineas nodded. Finally, Stone was getting to the point of the interview. “Yeah, I worked for Angus MacKay. For five lousy years.”
“Lousy?” Stone asked.
“You wouldn’t believe how lousy. Seven nights a week, no time off, no vacation. And no hazard pay! They ordered me to risk my life, over and over again, and for what? Minimum wage?”
For the first time, Stone’s face showed an expression. He frowned. “I didn’t realize Angus MacKay was a bad employer.”
“Bad?” Phineas snorted. “He’s the worst. And you know what really pisses me off? That he has the gall to pretend that he’s the good guy!”
Stone sat back with a stunned look. “You don’t believe Angus MacKay is a good guy?”
“Hell no! I tell you, the whole time I worked for him, I never saw any of his employees get killed. But boy did they slaughter a bunch of other vampires.”
“You’re referring to the Malcontents they killed in battle?” Stone asked.
Phineas waved a hand. “Angus calls them Malcontents, but I like to call them by their real name: the True Ones. I mean, since when is it a crime to stick to old traditions? The True Ones just want to be left alone so they can eat the old-fashioned way.”
“You mean feeding off mortals till they die,” Stone muttered.
Phineas shrugged. “It’s not like we have a shortage of mortals in the world. Besides, this is about basic vampire liberties. We should be able to feed however we like. Angus and his sanctimonious friends—who the hell are they to decide what’s the right way for the rest of us to live our lives?”
“So you don’t see anything wrong with the so-called Malcontents?” Stone asked.
“No, of course not. They’re the ones who transformed me and gave me eternal life. I’m grateful for that.”
“But you worked for MacKay S and I for several years,” Stone reminded him. “They’re the number one enemy of the Malcontents.”
“I needed a paycheck, you know. I’m a young vampire, so I haven’t had centuries to acquire wealth like those rich old farts who ordered me around like a servant. But now that I have a new career, I can finally do what I’ve wanted to do for a long time.” Phineas glared at the camera. “Angus MacKay, you old turd, go to hell!”
Stone winced. “Those are strong words.”
“I mean it,” Phineas insisted. “All those Vamps make me sick. Acting so morally superior because they drink out of bottles while they go around murdering other vampires. They’re a bunch of hypocrites! Do you know they executed Casimir without even giving him a chance to surrender? What kind of shit is that?”
Stone shifted in his chair. “Well, I—”
“And you want to hear something really funny?” Phineas continued. “For the last couple of years, Angus thought one of the Malcontents, Stanislav Serpukhov, was betraying the Russian coven in Brooklyn and reporting to me. But the truth was, I was reporting to him.”
A series of gasps reverberated around the studio. Tiffany tilted her head with confusion, while Stone stared at him with his mouth open.
Phineas narrowed his eyes on the camera. “So you guys out there who’ve been trying to assassinate Stanislav, you need to stop. Cut it out. He’s not a traitor.”
Stone cleared his throat. “Are you saying you were a double agent?”
“Sure. No harm in letting out the big secret now that I’ve changed careers.” Phineas winked at the camera. “I like to live dangerously, you know.”
“I see.” Stone took a deep breath. “Well, that’s all the time we have for tonight. I’d like to thank our guests for coming and congratulate them once again for their phenomenal rise to stardom.”
“Yes!” Tiffany blew a kiss at the camera. “I’d like to thank all the little people for admiring me so much.”
“Thank you for watching DVN, the world’s leading vampire network,” Stone added with a bland smile.
“Cut!” Gordon announced. “Good work.” He gave Phineas a thumbs-up.
“You are living dangerously.” Stone stood as he unclipped his mike.
“It’ll be worth it.” Phineas handed his mike to the sound guy, then strode toward his brother, who was studying him with a puzzled frown.
“Wait for me!” Tiffany latched on to his arm.
“What the hell was that?” Freemont asked.
“I can explain.” Phineas motioned to Tiffany, who clung to his arm. “You wanted to meet my lovely costar? Tiffany, this is my brother and my agent, Da Freeze.”
“Hi!” She grinned at Freemont. “Aren’t you adorable! You look like Phineas, except younger and more . . . alive.” Her gaze drifted to his neck.
Freemont stepped back. “I just ate a bunch of garlic.”
She giggled.
“We need to go somewhere private,” Phineas said.
Tiffany’s eyes widened. “You want a threesome?”
“No, I need to talk to my brother.”
Freemont scowled at him. “Yeah, you do.”
“You—you don’t want me?” Tiffany’s shoulders slumped.
Phineas sighed. “All right. You can come, too.”
She perked up and grinned. “I know the perfect place. Come with me.”
She ushered them out of the studio and down the hall to an unmarked door. “This is a storage room for old costumes. I have secret rendezvous here all the time.”
Phineas followed her inside, flipped on the lights, and shut the door. “It’s not exactly a secret if you meet all the guys here.”
Freemont snorted, then strode down an aisle lined with crowded clothes racks on each side. He was pissed, Phineas could tell, but Phineas would deal with him later.
“Okay, Tiffany.” He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Listen to me good.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Yes, Dr. Phang?”
He dragged her hands off his shoulders. “You’re not hav**g s*x with me.”
“I’m not? Then . . . ?” Her gaze flitted toward Freemont, who turned left at the end of the aisle and disappeared behind a rack of clothes.
“No, not with him, either,” Phineas said. “Tiffany, look at me. You have a contract for three more Blardonnay commercials and a Vampos commercial. You don’t need to sleep around anymore.”
She stared at him blankly. “But it’s worked well—”
“Tiffany, you made it. Put your old life behind you, and let you talent shine through. You’re a success now, and you deserve it.”
She blinked and whispered, “I . . . deserve it?”
“Yes, you do.”
Her eyes glistened with tears. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever told me.”
Phineas gave her a wry smile. “I learned the hard way how easy it is to screw up your life when you don’t respect yourself.”
She nodded slowly. “Thank you, Dr. Phang.”
“Now off you go. I need to talk to my brother.”
“Okay.” With a shy smile, she headed toward the door.
Phineas turned and couldn’t spot his brother. “Freemont, where are you?”
A hand waved in the back corner, so Phineas tunneled between some dresses on a rack and found himself in a second aisle. He dove through another rack of clothes and discovered a wall lined with shelves. Shoes, handbags, and hats decorated the shelves, and toward the back wall, Freemont was examining a pair of cowboy boots.
Phineas heard the click of the door, signaling Tiffany’s departure. “Okay, we can talk now.”
Freemont grimaced as he stuffed the boots back on the shelf. “You told me you were a good vampire.”
“I am.”
“Then what was all that—”
“I’m working undercover.”
“Yeah, I heard what you said! You’re a stinkin’ double agent, working for the nasty vampires that kill people!”
“No, I’m a good guy,” Phineas insisted, then lowered his voice. “Freemont, you gotta trust me. I still work for MacKay S and I. The interview was a setup.”
“Huh?”
“Did you see a video on the Internet a few weeks ago that claimed vampires were true? It showed a swordfight, and a guy in a kilt decapitated another guy who turned to dust.”
“Yeah.” Freemont nodded. “I thought it was a movie trailer. Lamont and I wanted to see the movie, but we could never find the name of it. It just disappeared.”
“The government removed it. Because it was real.”
“Huh?”
“It was a real battle. I was there.”
Freemont’s eyes widened. “You fought in a real battle? With a sword?”
“Yes. I’ve been in several battles, and I’ve killed a few Malcontents. The guy whose head was cut off was Casimir, the leader of the Malcontents.”
“So the bad guys were defeated?”
“Yes, but there are still a few Malcontents out there. Casimir had a girlfriend, Corky Courrant, who does a TV show called Live with the Undead.”
“Huh?”
“She recorded the video of Casimir’s execution, then posted it on YouTube. That means she broke the secret of vampire existence. That’s about the biggest crime you can commit in our world.”
“Her name is Corky?”
“Yes! Stay with me, Freemont. After she posted the video, she came back here to DVN and continued doing her show as if she’d done nothing wrong. She claims she’s heir to the Malcontent throne and vampires all over the world should follow her and call her Queen Corky.”
“Oh God, I hate her!” Tiffany hissed from across the room.
Phineas jerked around, but couldn’t see her. “Tiffany! You were supposed to leave the room.”
“It’s okay.” She emerged through a rack of hanging clothes. “I won’t breathe a word. I hate Corky as much as anybody.”
“So this Corky is really bad?” Freemont asked.
“She’s evil,” Tiffany hissed.
“Evil queen bitch,” Phineas clarified. “She’s been badmouthing us good Vamps on her show, calling us a bunch of thugs and murderers. She even bragged about how she started the Vampire Apocalypse. Roman summoned her to Coven Court three times, but she ignored him.”
“Roman?” Freemont asked.
“Roman Draganesti, Coven Master for the East Coast,” Phineas explained. “And he’s owner of Romatech Industries where they make synthetic blood and where I’m head of security.”
“Okay.” Freemont nodded.
“Corky’s been mocking Roman and the good Vamps, claiming she’s above our system of law and justice,” Phineas continued. “Roman had no choice but to issue a warrant for her arrest, but then she went into hiding and now she records her show somewhere in secret. We haven’t been able to locate her.”