Lindsey was nodding. "I can see how you two ended up together," she said. "He's never been that much of a romantic - or a traditionalist, I guess. You know what I mean." She hesitated. "How do your parents feel about the whole thing?"
The inevitable question. I paused for a moment. "They're not really…I haven't exactly told them yet."
"Oh," she said, understanding dawning on her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to bring up something difficult. We don't have to talk about it."
"Thanks." As much as I was growing to like Lindsey, I didn't really feel like discussing my awkward situation with my parents with anyone, least of all someone I'd just met.
We visited a few bakeries, more than one stationery shop, and a few dress places, just to try things on. Looking at myself in the endless mirrors, I felt next to nothing. It was just me in a big fluffy white dress. I wasn't a bride. I was just playing a part.
"I'm surprised I can fit into my normal size, after those burgers last night," I commented as we left one of the dress shops.
"Tell me about it." Lindsey laughed. "Worth it, though, right?"
"Always." I hesitated. "So, you guys used to go there a lot when you were kids, huh?"
"Not as much as we would have liked to." She turned to look at me. "Has Daniel told you very much about his childhood?"
I shook my head. "Almost nothing."
"I figured as much," she said. "He doesn’t like to talk about it. That's his way of coping, I guess." She was silent for a moment. "I don't mean to make it sound like our family life was some kind of horror show. It wasn't really all that bad. But it was hard, sometimes. We didn't exactly have a lot of money to spread around in the early days. The first time Dad took us out to Jerry's Grill, it was because we came home from school early - there was a problem with the gas lines or something, I don't even remember now - and we walked in on him with another woman. He promised to take us out for burgers if we kept our mouths shut. Being a couple of little brats, of course we kept demanding to go back every time we were unhappy, or he did something we didn't like. I feel terrible about it now. I'm sure Dan does too. But we didn't know what we were doing at the time, really. Kids are selfish. We just wanted to eat something for dinner that wasn't out of a box from the discount store. I have no idea how my dad scraped the money together to keep taking us there, but he found a way."
I had no idea what to say in response to all that. My head was swimming. I just nodded silently and waited for her to continue.
"My mom never found out, as far as I know. I guess it was better that way. I don't know if my dad kept doing it. They were both young, and I realize now that I'm not sure if they ever really loved each other. It could have very well been a shotgun wedding. For years, I shied away from close relationships because of what they'd taught me through example. Thank God I met Ray. He stuck by me even when I tried to push him away." Her eyes were very far away as she spoke. Finally, she turned back to me. "I've got to say, I was really happy when Daniel told me that he'd found someone. I was afraid it would never happen for him. I think the whole situation affected him more than it did me. It's hard not to get cynical about love, coming from a background like that."
"Yeah," I said. "Believe me, I know. I mean…I don't know if my parents cheated on each other, but they definitely weren't in love."
Lindsey nodded. "There's a lot of that going around, isn't there? People getting married for every possible reason, except for the right ones."
Tell me about it.
I wanted so badly to tell her, then - to just blurt out the truth. But I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the way her face would fall, realizing that Daniel hadn’t found his true love after all. I had to let her believe we were happy together, at least for a little while.
I was horrified realize tears were welling up in the corners of my eyes. I forced them back, swallowing the lump in my throat and walking forward.
"Anyway," said Lindsey. "Enough of this depressing crap. Have you picked a venue yet?"
"No," I admitted. "To be honest, I've been putting a lot of things off…it's just so overwhelming, but I know it's not going to get any easier the longer I wait."
"That's what I'm here for!" said Lindsey. "Why don't we head back to the apartment and start looking at places online. We're going to want to narrow it down before we start driving all over the state looking for the perfect place."
We headed back to Daniel's, and I was suddenly grateful for the key he'd left me with. The doorman smiled and nodded in recognition as we walked past. Once we were inside, Lindsey made a bee-line for the fridge and poured herself a glass of juice. She was infinitely more at home in the place than I felt.
"Now, where does Dan keep his laptop?" she wanted to know.
Oh, shit.
"Um…it's hard to say, he kind of takes it all over the place with him," I fibbed. God, I had no idea.
"Well, we'll just have to search then. Why don't you check the bedroom? I'll look down here."
I was halfway up the stairs before I remembered the very obviously lived-in guest room down there.
Shit, shit, shit.
I had to keep going. I couldn't act suspicious, or like we were hiding anything. If she said something, I'd just explain that I wasn't…used to sleeping in a bed with someone else? Maybe? Oh God, would I be able to say it with a straight face? My face was already burning.
I searched through the bedroom blindly. There could have been ten laptops in there and I might not have noticed. I came back down the stairs slowly, empty-handed of course, and saw Lindsey standing the middle of the hallway, looking confused. Hopefully just because she couldn’t find anything.
Or…not.
"Hey," she said. "So did you guys - have someone over recently?"
I tried to pretend like I was confused for a moment. "Oh! You mean, in the guest room? That's my stuff." My own voice sounded like a strange, distant echo in my head. My heart was pounding. "I'm just not used to sleeping in the same bed with somebody, you know?"
There was a beat of silence.
"Oh, of course," said Lindsey. "I was the same way with Ray at first. I'd never spend the night with him when we first got together, it drove him crazy."
"I'm glad you know what I'm talking about," I said, feeling my anxiety level ratchet down a few notches. "Some people would think it's weird."
She waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. Whatever you've got to do. Did you have any luck up there?"
"No," I said. "But, I'll go look again. I actually forgot to check in the closet. He keeps his laptop bag in there, maybe it's still packed up."
I had no idea if any of this was true, but I needed an excuse to go back and actually check the bedroom now that my brain was functioning again.
And a good thing, too - it was sitting on the dresser, in plain sight. Lindsey would have thought I was the biggest flake in the world.
"Found it," I called out, coming down the stairs.
"Oh, fantastic. Let's see what we can find."
Pretty soon, we'd pulled up every wedding vendor list, registry, and search result in the entire city. My head was swimming, but Lindsey seemed to be digesting the information just fine, taking copious notes in a little pad that she'd produced from somewhere. Another family trait, it seemed.
"All right," she said, after what felt like hours. "So I've eliminated every place that we definitely don't want, which leaves us with about twenty choices. Personally, I'm a big fan of the art gallery. Have you ever been there?"
I shook my head.
"Oh, my God, we have to go," she said. "They're closed today, but soon. It's absolutely gorgeous. Of course you have to hire their overpriced caterers, but they'll take care of absolutely everything. And there's no cake-cutting fee." She rolled her eyes.
"Cake-cutting fee?" I stared at her. "Is that…is that a thing?"
"Trust me," she said. "They'll nickel and dime you for everything in this industry. You've got to keep your wits about you."
There was so much I didn't know, and simply didn't have the desire or motivation to figure out. I didn't know what I would have done without Lindsey. Hire a wedding planner, I supposed. I'd almost forgotten for a moment that it was easy enough to solve these sorts of problems just by tossing more money at them.
"Lindsey," I said, straightening up on the sofa, "can I ask you something about what we were discussing earlier?"
"Sure," she said. "What do you want to know?"
"You said, growing up…there wasn't a lot of money. So what changed?"
She chuckled a little. "You won't believe me when I tell you. Dad hit it big at the casino. I mean, really big. I still think he was trying his damnedest to gamble away everything he had…mom had just passed, and in spite of everything I guess he just didn't know what to do without her. But instead of losing, he won the biggest jackpot they'd ever had. His picture's still on the wall, if you go there - a sad sack in flannel and overalls, just holding up this novelty sized check like it's a death sentence. After that, he turned everything around. He could have squandered it all, but instead he went downtown and handed a pile of cash to a financial planner. I never knew him to be like that - but I guess something about having all that money just scared him." She let out a long breath. "A few good investments later, we found ourselves moving into a nicer house in a much better neighborhood, and suddenly we weren't hoping and praying for scholarships and applying for tiny scraps of federal aid anymore. We could go to any college we wanted. After all these years, I still think back on that time and how strange it was. It was like a waking dream. You know?"
I did know. I knew all too well.
"Wow," I said.
"Wow is right." She stood up. "I'm guessing you're more than a little bit familiar with the feeling, though."
"Yeah," I said. "Going from all my credit cards maxed out and bills overdue, to this…"
Speaking of which, my credit cards were still maxed out, and quite a few of my bills remained overdue. I'd been so busy focusing on adjusting to my new life that I had completely forgotten to ask Daniel about the possibility of taking care of a few of my immediate financial needs. I should probably get on that.
"I know," she said, resting a hand on my shoulder. "It'll feel strange at first, but eventually you'll adjust to it. And you don't have to become one of those obnoxious Old Money-type people who wear skirt suits to the country club and yell at their cleaning ladies. Just keep your head on straight, you'll be fine."
I smiled at the mental image. "Thanks," I said. "But can I at least get a little dog to carry around with me?"
"Whatever you like, hon." She grinned. "The world' s your oyster now."
Chapter Nine
Ray had to get back to work, so all four of us visited the art gallery on Monday morning, and then we bid them goodbye. Lindsey had been right - it was gorgeous, with a massive hall of historical sculptures and statues that they recommended for the ceremony. They were surprised when Daniel said he wanted to book it "as soon as possible," but they were able to get us a date in a month. He put down a deposit, but he wouldn't let me look at the full quote.