Heaving the biggest sigh she’d ever heard, Jai dropped his gaze. He may trust her but this was clearly still hard for him. She suspected this would be the longest she’d ever hear Jai talk. “I don’t need a psychologist to tell me why I am the way I am. I was…” he sucked in a breath, “I was beaten, battered, kicked, neglected, toyed with and stomped on as a kid.”
A slice of pain cut open inside her for him. “Jai…”
He shook her off. “I don’t want pity or sympathy, Ari. It’s in my past and I came to terms with it a long time ago. I’m just trying to…” Jai frowned. “I’m trying to build you a picture, a history, so maybe you can understand me better.” He sighed again. “Nicki and David were the worst. But I could take the physical abuse. The slaps, the belts, the punches, the kicks. Thankfully never magic. It was the bad stuff like Nicki forcing Luca to hit me to prove he loved her more than me that kind of messed with my head.”
A gut churning anger was beginning to build in Ari as he spoke, that ugly knot inside her chest wanting to separate from her and take control, hunt Nicki and chew her up and spit her back out.
“Most everyone else followed by Nicki and Luca’s example. Don’t get me wrong there were some of my tribe that clearly didn’t agree with my treatment, but they did nothing to stop it. There were others who were afraid of me, of my heritage. And there was one who tried to protect me as much as he could.”
“Trey.”
Jai gave her a humorless smile. “I could kill him for sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong but he means well. He just wants… you know…”
God he was such a guy. “He wants you to be happy,” Ari finished for him.
Giving her a ‘whatever’ shrug, Jai continued, “What I’m trying to say is that I never had non-dysfunctional relationships. Trey’s the only person I ever trusted. People thought I was a piece of garbage for a long time but I proved them wrong. I’m one of the best guardians in this tribe and they all know it and they have to respect that. My father has to respect that. Having something I’m good at, having a good reputation has come… to mean a lot to me,” he admitted and finally he looked at her. “Ari, it’s not just that I don’t do relationships, and believe me I don’t because it would get in the way of my job too much, but it’s also about you specifically.”
Feeling sick, Ari waited.
Jai suspended the moment, groaning as he scrubbed his face with his hands. Finally he dropped his hands to stare at her, as if he were making sure she was really listening. “We’re attracted to each other,” he admitted hoarsely. “There’s no point lying about that. But I respect you too much to mess around with you. Ari, you’re innocent. You’re still a kid in so many ways.”
Ari flushed, tearing her gaze away as she remembered he knew about her virgin status.
“I’m not going to jeopardize my reputation and risk hurting you for something that can never be anything… more. I don’t have it in me to give more.”
He’d said it before but now, somehow, it was clearer. For Ari it well and truly sunk in and only strengthened her resolve to be more independent and to stop chasing men that didn’t want her the way that she wanted them. She blanched inwardly, wondering if they all saw her as this desperate lonely little girl just trying to make a connection. That wasn’t the way it was, she thought, pain crushing heavily on her chest. She was in love with Jai.
And he didn’t love her back.
A whisper of warmth danced around her and Ari felt the familiar presence of Ms. Maggie. She’d forgotten she was in the room. The Ifrit had heard everything and was trying to offer her comfort. It helped, if only but a little.
Ari stood up and Jai immediately shot to his feet, his eyes wary, waiting for a reaction.
“Thanks for telling me all that,” Ari managed. “You know, I said it before but you really do deserve better than what they’ve given you, Jai. You’re a really good person.”
“And you’re too generous but thank you.”
After a moment of stilted silence Jai headed towards the door. He turned back to give her a small smile. “We good then?”
“Yeah.” At his still wary look, Ari felt a stab of annoyance. Did he think she was going to keep pining after him after what he’d just said? “Stop worrying,” she reassured him. “You’re right. About everything. I do deserve more and I get that you can’t give me that. It was just a crush. Now I’m moving on.”
An odd look crossed Jai’s face before he could stop it. He quashed the look with a tight smile as he slipped from the room and Ari immediately felt cold. She hugged herself, wishing everything with The White King and Dalí was over already so she could run as far and as fast from everyone and everything as soon as possible. She needed a fresh start.
Well, she’d still take along Ms. Maggie.
17 - ‘Every Father’s Pain Casts a Shadow over a Broken Son’ - Silverchair
Ari eyed the Jinn in the painting. Whoever the artist was, they’d captured the vicious sensuality of Lilif brilliantly and the similarity between her and the woman in Ari’s dream was too uncanny to be ignored.
“Terrifyingly lovely isn’t she,” a deep voice rumbled from behind Ari and she turned swiftly to watch as Luca approached her stealthily. For the first time Ari could see Jai in him. The powerfully sleek walk, like a panther in a jungle, the stern face, the air of competence he wielded like a weapon. Yes… they were alike in ways neither of them wished to acknowledge.
“Sorry?” Ari asked, confusion wrinkling her brow.
“Lilif.” Luca nodded to the painting as he came to a stop beside her. He was broader than Jai, his face rougher, more striking than handsome. Still, he had the same ability to overwhelm her with his presence as Jai did. At least with Jai she trusted him. With Luca… she was still unsure.
“The first of the succubus Jinn?”
“And the mother of the Seven Kings of Jinn.”
What? Ari’s eyes widened. The first of the Lilif Jinn was her grandmother?
Luca gave a huff of amusement. “You thought the Kings had no mother?”
“Well…” she flushed with embarrassment. “I thought they were… that Azazil…”
“Bore them himself?” he smirked.
Feeling stupid Ari shrugged. “I just thought he created them from stars or something. Isn’t that how these mythical stories usually go?”
“Not this one. The Seven Kings were created the good old fashioned way.”
Contemplating that, Ari stared back up at the painting. “What happened to her?”
“There are many legends about Lilif’s disappearance.” Luca’s face darkened. “I don’t care which is true, I’m just glad she’s gone. A being that could create something as malicious as the Lilif Jinn ought not to be allowed to wander freely.”
Luca’s bitterness was palpable; the metallic tang of it so heavy in the air Ari could almost taste it. She didn’t know how to respond to it. What should she say? What could she say? Part of her sympathized with him and the other part of her deplored the way he’d treated Jai.
“I love my wife very much,” Luca suddenly said, breaking the icy silence. “I always have. I only ever wanted her until Jai’s mother hunte-”
“Don’t,” Ari stopped him. She didn’t want his sob story. Not after everything Jai had told her.
Luca glanced down at her, his expression unreadable. Finally it seemed he decided to ignore her. “Her name was Nuala. She’d begun to stalk a wealthy Jinn, a businessman from Orange County, a family man. He came to me for protection and Nuala decided I presented the greater challenge. No matter how I felt, how willing she could make you under her violent lust, it was rape,” his voice hardened. “Do you know how difficult it is for a man to admit to being raped? A strong man like me?”
“As difficult as it is for a strong woman to,” Ari replied not unkindly.
Luca’s lips curled up at the corners. “Touché.”
“I’m sorry for what happened to you. I am. But how you treat Jai… how you allow him to be treated… he deserves better.”
Eyeing her carefully Luca sighed. “I’m very proud of the man Jai has become. But I believe his strict upbringing made him the man he is today.”
Ari guffawed, “Strict upbringing? Why not call it what it was? Abuse. Pure and simple.”
Jai’s father’s eyes hardened. “My father was a harsh task master and I promised myself I wouldn’t be like that with my own children and I wasn’t. And look what I’m left with. Soft, lazy sons, one of whom will likely be arrested for sexual assault if he’s not lucky. But not Jai.” Luca shook his head, his eyes bright. “My father was right. Jai may not have received affection and mollycoddling as a child, but what he did receive proved far more valuable. He is the best guardian I have. When once I was pitied to have been burdened with him, now I am envied and respected for having raised him. Lack of affection and discipline makes him a better man. A better son.”
Ari gaped a little stupidly at him, unable to believe what she was hearing. Fury blasted through her at his twisted outlook. Another selfish father too uncaring to see what his own needs and wants were costing his child. Fierce protectiveness for Jai washed over her despite everything. If nothing else, he was still her friend. “You selfish son-of-a-bitch,” Ari whispered hoarsely, enjoying the anger in Luca’s eyes, feeding off of it. “He became a good man and a brilliant guardian despite your attempts to crush him. He is who he is despite your spineless need to reassure a bitter and heartless woman like your wife. Who he is has nothing to do with you, so don’t you dare try to take credit for that.” She was shaking with adrenaline from the confrontation but the words had felt good spilling from her mouth. Waiting, her body tensed for action, Ari watched Luca’s changing expression.
To her surprise the anger her words caused melted out of his taut features rather quickly and was replaced by stern concern. “I didn’t tell you all this to be lectured, young woman. I told you this because I see the way you two look at one another and I’m warning you, if you care anything for my son you will back the hell off.”
Ari’s head snapped back in surprise.
Luca nodded, eager to continue. “If Jai crosses the line with you, a client, a Jinn with great importance, he would be so disappointed in himself and so would I. And we both know how much Jai does not like to disappoint his father.” His eyes sparked with deviousness and Ari realized how much this man saw and how manipulative he was, using what he saw and bending it to his own purposes. “I don’t want him involved with you. I don’t want my tribe dragged into this war and I don’t want our reputation shredded into tatters. If Jai dares to have any kind of relationship with you other than that of guardian/client he will damage his relationship with me irreparably. Understood?”