Not that he had anything against her personally. And judging from what Melissa had had to say on the subject, he would probably like her. Eventually. But for right now, she was the intruder. Pushing her way into a family already hip-deep in problems and not really needing any extras.
“Getting along all right, I see,” he said, giving her office a quick scan.
“Everyone’s been very helpful,” Erica told him, then came around her desk and took a few steps closer. “Look, I know how hard this is for all of us. And I’m not expecting us to be one big happy family anytime soon.”
He folded his arms across his chest and nodded.
“I do, however, expect you to give me a fair chance,” she said.
“You do.”
Erica looked directly at him and refused to be cowed by his steely stare. She’d already been warned that Blake would be the hardest nut to crack, so to speak. That this one of her new brothers would be the least welcoming. So she would stand her ground and if she needed to show him that she meant to make this place her home, then that’s what she’d do.
Besides, Christian was standing right there, watching her, and she wasn’t about to look weak or pitiful in front of him.
“That’s right. Just as you would any new employee,” Erica said. “I think that’s fair.”
Blake thought about it for a long moment before he nodded and walked forward, offering his hand. “It is fair. Okay, a chance it is.”
“Thanks.” Erica shook his hand and stepped back.
“Now, I’ve got to go find Gavin and talk to him about some business. If you two will excuse me…”
Blake left, shutting the door behind him and suddenly Erica and Christian were alone. Silence dragged out for what seemed like forever. Finally though, Christian said, “You handled him well.”
“Thanks,” she said, her words clipped, “is that all?”
“Erica…”
“I really don’t have time to talk right now, Christian. Trevor’s expecting to see the new poster I’ve designed for the gala and—”
“I’ve missed you.”
She whipped her head around to glare at him. “Couldn’t have been easy to miss seeing me. I’ve been right here.”
He blew out a breath and took the few steps separating them. Now that he was closer, Erica could see the shadows under his eyes and realized he hadn’t been sleeping well. That made two of them. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but wasn’t sure he would accept it, so she kept her wants buried under a layer of anger.
“It’s complicated,” he said.
“Not as far as I can see. You haven’t spoken to me since…”
“You think I don’t want to?” His voice was low and hard. “You really believe I’m not thinking about you every damn minute?”
Her heartbeat felt faint and fast. The look on his face was haunted, his eyes were blazing with fury and desire. “How would I know that when you’ve been avoiding me?”
“Because if I don’t avoid you, this is what’s going to happen.” He closed the distance between them, grabbed her and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her so tightly she could hardly draw breath.
And she didn’t care.
Didn’t care because his mouth was on hers, his breath driving into her mouth, his hands scooping up her back into her hair. His body pressed into hers. She felt the hard, thick ridge of him that proved exactly what he was feeling for her.
She moved in even closer, giving herself up to the feelings only he could engender. Her body was hot, her blood felt as if it were boiling in her veins. So when he released her abruptly, Erica staggered back a step before she recovered her balance.
Lifting one hand to her lips, she stared at him, trying to understand just what kind of game he was playing. And why she was allowing it.
“Yes,” he said, his eyes fierce, his voice a deep groan of need, “I want you. So damn much just being around you is painful.” He shoved one hand across the top of his head. “But you’ve got enough going on in your life right now. You don’t need this as an added distraction.”
Erica blinked at him. She couldn’t believe what he was saying and wasn’t sure he believed it, either. “So you’re backing off for my sake, is that it? Making a grand sacrifice so poor Erica doesn’t get confused by too many things at once?”
He winced, either at her words or the sharp slap of how they were delivered. “All I’m saying—”
She interrupted him because she’d heard enough. “I’m sick and tired of people deciding what’s best for me. My father and brothers did it for years. And if you think I’m going to allow you to jump in and do the same, then you couldn’t be more wrong.”
She was trembling, her body shaking and quivering, not only from the rush of anger. Once again, he’d turned her body into an inferno of desire only to shut it down before it could fully erupt.
“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” he ground out.
Frustration and fury mingled inside her.
“Oh, no. All you’re saying is thanks but no thanks. You’ve made that clear.” She turned her back on him and walked back to her desk. Once she was safely behind the rosewood barrier, she looked at him again. “Well, I’m just so grateful for your help, Christian. With so many things going on in my life, I don’t know what I would have done without you there to help me keep things straight.”
He looked just as angry as she felt, and she was glad to see it. At least she knew that his ridiculous decision to pull away from her was making him as crazy as it was her.
“Erica, damn it—”
“Just stop it, okay? I’ve got a lot of work to do and I’m guessing you do, too.”
He stared at her for a long second then nodded as if accepting that the conversation was over. “Fine. We’ll leave it. For now. But neither one of us is going anywhere, so you can be damn sure this isn’t finished.”
“Isn’t it?” Erica asked. “How is it that you suddenly get to decide how this relationship will go? When did you get the controlling vote?”
“Excuse me?”
He sounded angry—his voice was low and taut. Well, good, she thought. Why should she be the only one furious here?
“Do you seriously think so little of me to believe that I’m incapable of making my own decisions?”
“Of course not. That isn’t what I meant at all.”
“It’s what you said. Poor Erica. Too many new things in her life.”
“Damn it, you’re deliberately misunderstanding.”
“Oh, I understand more than you think I do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that this isn’t about me at all, Christian. You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. But this is really about you playing by a dead man’s rules.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw and she saw the flare of anger in his eyes. She recognized it because she knew that same emotion was shining in her own. She’d spent the past several days torn between anger and misery, but now the fury was spilling over.
He reached for her, but she scuttled back, not trusting herself to allow him to touch her right now. She might shatter. Need swam inside her and battled her own pride. It was a toss-up at the moment which would win.
“I told you,” he said, letting his hands fall to his sides, “I can’t risk what I spent my life building. But it’s also true that you’ve got too much going on in your own life right now. You don’t need me making things even more complicated.”
“Oh, stop it,” she whispered, shaking her head. She’d already trusted him too much, risked too much. She couldn’t chance feeling even more. Trusting more. He’d already pushed her aside. How much clearer could he make himself?
“Wish I could,” he admitted, coming around her desk, walking closer and closer still. “Wish to hell I could put you and what’s between us out of my mind, but it won’t go.”
She laughed sadly, thinking of the past few days when he’d avoided her at all costs. “It seems you’ve been doing a fine job of that.”
“No. You’re in my mind all the damn time. You haunt me, Erica, and I’m not sure how to deal with that.” He reached out, and this time she didn’t move away. Couldn’t make herself do it.
He cupped her face between his palms. Staring into her eyes, he said, “What’s between us won’t be denied and neither one of us can wish it away.”
“Can’t we?” she asked, her voice soft as she met his gaze searchingly. “Isn’t that what’s been happening lately?”
“No,” he countered. “This is what’s been happening.”
Then he kissed her. Hard and deep, pouring into that kiss everything she’d been needing for so long. Her head swam, her heartbeat quickened into a racing gallop and by the time he broke away, she was laboring for breath.
Yet at the same time a tiny corner of her heart was erecting barriers, ready to defend her.
“Don’t,” he said softly. “I can feel you pulling away even when I’m holding you.”
“Haven’t you been doing the same thing these last few days?”
“No,” he answered, releasing her and taking a step back. “I’m doing what I have to do.”
“Because you won’t risk caring for me.”
“Because this is my life,” he reminded her, and his features were hard.
“It’s my life, too,” she told him, stiffening her spine. “And I won’t be used then discarded on a whim. You can’t run hot and then cold on me, Christian. I refuse to play that game.”
“You’re wrong about me,” he said tightly. “I’m not playing games, Erica. I wouldn’t do that to either one of us.”
She scraped her hands up and down her arms, trying to chase away the chill that was swamping her. But it was bone-deep and she was suddenly sure that she’d never be really warm again. What she felt for Christian was going nowhere. Because he would continue to refuse what lay between them. Once again, Erica thought sadly, she just wasn’t wanted badly enough.
When he was gone, Erica slumped into her desk chair, turned it around and stared out at a sunlit day that had gone, for her at least, suddenly dark.
Eight
Despite their argument, over the next week, Christian spent time with Erica every day. He continued to be her guide as she grew more and more accustomed to her new life. But somehow he managed to keep their conversations centered on business, or the resort itself. He refused to bring up anything personal and she must have come to the same conclusion. She was polite. Cool. She treated him as she would have a distant acquaintance.
And every minute he was with her was a session in torture.
He’d never wanted anyone with the fierce desperation he did her. Thoughts of her plagued him constantly. He couldn’t lose himself in his work anymore. Couldn’t stroll through the Manor without seeing her, hearing her—or hearing someone else talk about her.