“I feel like I need to explain,” he began.
“You really don’t. No promises were broken. It’s just one of those things.”
“Well, you started it,” he muttered. “With your damned spell.”
I lifted a brow at his tone. “I’m aware. I haven’t bitched at you.”
“Maybe it’d be better if you did. Then I wouldn’t feel so guilty.”
“About what? Being with Shan or disappointing me?”
“A little of both.”
I laughed. “Jesse, forget about the latter. You and me, we weren’t meant to be. The spell proved that. I honestly believe that if you’d loved me, you wouldn’t have hooked up with Shan. Some part of you would’ve realized it was wrong—that something was missing.”
He gazed at me somberly with the clear sunlight finding toffee flecks in his dark cocoa eyes. “I hope you’re right about that. You know I worry—”
“About being inconstant, too easily influenced by other people’s emotions,” I supplied. This wasn’t the first time we’d discussed that particular fear. “So let me ask you this. When Shan was missing, there were probably other women who were attracted to you, who gave signals. How did that go?”
“You mean did I cheat?” His mouth drew taut, likely restraining a stream of angry words.
“Not even that. How did you respond to them? Did they have a shot?”
“No way. I love her. Nobody can replace her.” The reply came in a blazing rush, seeming to surprise Jesse with its fervor.
But it made me really glad to hear. “See? We never had that.”
He considered for a moment, pensive rather than regretful, which made for a nice alternative. “I think . . . you just had too many reservations about us. I couldn’t help but sense that. It really wouldn’t have lasted, would it?”
I shook my head. “It looked great on paper, but no.”
“Whereas with Shan, there are none. I never had anybody go after me so all-in from the jump. There’s no doubt in her whatsoever.”
“You’re her lobster,” I said, wondering if he’d get the reference.
“Okay, Phoebe,” he mumbled, but I could tell by his expression that he liked the comparison. “With Shan, she loves and wants me so fiercely, so unconditionally, that it’s like a perfect broadcast that blocks out all other signals. There’s no room for anyone but her. And it’s so . . . restful. So perfect.”
“Her intensity might scare somebody else,” I pointed out. “Somebody who doesn’t need it like you do. Which makes you two a perfect match.”
“So you really don’t mind? Shan is a little worried.”
“I’ve told her repeatedly that it’s fine. Somehow I’ll make it sink in.”
“She tells me you got back with Chance, anyway.” Neutral tone there, carefully nonjudgmental.
“Working on that. But yes. I’m very happy for you two.” I pushed out of my chair and met him in the middle of the patio, where he had been pacing nervously. Reaching up, I hugged him tight around the neck, then whispered into his ear, “If you hurt her, I’ll cut off your balls and make you eat them.”
He didn’t take offense. “I won’t. The whole time she was gone, I was just . . . empty. I hardly ate. Didn’t sleep much. I could only think how hellish it would be if she never came back, if I never saw her again. I lay in bed at night, just wanting to hear her laugh one more time.”
Tears started in my eyes because I could so fully relate to his suffering. That was how I felt about Chance at any given moment. But if Shan could come back from Sheol and make Jesse a happy man, I didn’t see why I couldn’t retrieve my lover from his father’s realm. But first, we had a party to attend—in honor of Booke’s lost birthdays. Hell of a thing to celebrate.
I stepped away from him to find Shan standing in the doorway; and from her expression, she’d heard everything. Her blue eyes simply glowed. “You’re so getting lucky tonight, Saldana.”
Pointing at Jesse, I made a shooing motion toward the house. “Go. I’ll deal with her now.”
“Uh-oh,” she said. “Am I in trouble?”
“Only for thinking I’m not glad you’re happy and in a healthy relationship. My only reservation would be his age, but you’re not a kid, and he’s not a creeper.”
She laughed. “He sure felt like one at first.”
“But he got over it . . . and everything is fine between the two of you. I care about him as a friend, that’s all. I’m not harboring any hidden longings. An idiot could see that you’re right together. Hopefully I don’t fit that criteria.”
She nudged me. “No way. All right, consider me absolved of the heinous crime of boyfriend stealing, ’kay?”
“Deal. Now let’s help Eva finish up the appetizers before she kills Chuch.”
As expected, I found Señor Ortiz in the kitchen, picking at the pretty plates his wife was creating. I chased him out to the garage. Not being a fool, Jesse soon followed, leaving us to finish the preparations. It was companionable, working with two other women. Though I wasn’t much of a cook, I was good at chopping. In our new relationship, barely begun, Chance had done most of the actual food making. I served best as sous chef.
And you will again, I promised myself.
While she put together an enchilada casserole, Eva teased Shannon about her relationship with Jesse, but for the first time, Shan didn’t react with guilt. She flipped Eva double birds before she went back to sautéing onions. “Whatever, I’m happy.”
“I hear you’re thinking of moving in together,” Eva pried.
“Not for a while,” Shan answered. “I signed a lease with Maria, and I won’t leave her hanging like her last roomie did.”
“I’m sure she appreciates that.”
Thinking hard, I remembered reading some emails on Shan’s laptop. Maria must be Shan’s roommate, another of Chuch’s cousins. After the forget spell, I’d had no choice but to vanish, giving Jess and Shan a chance to remember naturally to avoid further harm. So that meant Shan had been a regular part of Chuch and Eva’s life for months, so they knew people that were only names to me.
I listened as they chatted, contemplating my options. Who could I turn to for help with Chance? Twila was out, as I had nothing valuable to offer her, and I wasn’t willing to present an open-ended bargain as Booke had done. So I put the matter aside for the time being; it wasn’t like giving up. I was still focused on the problem, but it wouldn’t be solved before the barbecue.
At three, Eva pronounced the house ready and the food sufficient for the guests she’d invited. With a sigh of relief, I escaped to the guest room to shower. Once I was clean, I poked through my backpack. What I’d bought in London didn’t provide much choice, but as I stood in my T-shirt, Eva came in with an armful of clothes. She laid them on the bed with a smile.
“My stuff should work for you. I figured you might want to dress up.”
“Thanks. That should cheer me up a little.” It was the first time I’d referred to the emotional devastation I carried, hung around my neck like prison chains.
She hugged me. “Don’t give up, chiquita. We’re all here for you.”
“That’s the only thing keeping me going.”
Party Hearty
In the end, I wore my own jeans, paired with a silver sparkly top that belonged to Eva. I left my hair down and put on minimal makeup, as I didn’t feel like celebrating, but for Booke, I’d put on a good show. I came out of the guest room in time to act as hostess alongside Eva, who was run ragged between the food and a clingy Cami. My goddaughter liked people, but not in these quantities. I wished I could take her to her room and hide, but nobody was letting that happen. Various aunts and cousins whisked her away, handing her off like a beloved parcel, until all the attention cheered Cami up.
Which freed me to mingle. Awesome.
The musicians were setting up out back, a four-piece roughneck crew who looked like they laid pavement for a living, but after they started tuning their instruments, I changed my mind. Amazing how fast Chuch and Eva had put this together, never imagining it would be a congratulations party and not a farewell. Rich melody poured out of the guitar, sultry and danceable. Apparently others had the same idea, as couples formed up on the patio and spilled over into the yard, Shan and Jesse among them. I was glad to see they didn’t seem self-conscious around me anymore; that was one loose end tied off.
Booke was dancing with one of Chuch’s cousins, the thin and bedazzled Dolores, who had participated in a séance with us a while back. We had been seeking answers from Jesse’s deceased ex, but she didn’t respond well to the fact that he brought a diaphragm as the focus object . . . that belonged to some other woman. That didn’t end well. After the garbage disposal exploded all over the kitchen, I was a little startled to see her, but she seemed to be having a good time with Booke, laughing at his jokes. For my part, I was glad to see him manage a spirited Texas two-step.
A few minutes later, Ramon came up to me, sans Caridad. “Wanna dance?”
The band was just striking up a new tune. “What happened to—”
“Eh, she didn’t pass the family test. Chuch told his mom that she refused to help out, and Tia Elena burned up the phone lines. An hour later, I had my mother on the phone, yelling at me.”
“Not worth the grief?” I wondered aloud.
“Hey, I’d only been out with her four times. I’d have to be nuts to piss off my entire family unless I was crazy in love.”
“Then, sure,” I said. “I’ll dance, as long as there’s not a vicious witch of an ex waiting to hex me over it.”
“Nah.” He wheeled me into the grass, as all the patio space was taken. “I’m pretty irresistible and all, but it takes more than four dates to work the Ortiz magic.”
“You mean that in the figurative sense, right?”
Ramon laughed. “Si, I didn’t get the gift, but my sister did. She throws some mean bones.”
“How does that work?” Though I wasn’t sure, I had the impression Jesse Saldana’s mother didn’t know about his father’s ability to grow gigantic vegetables or her son’s empathy.
Chuch’s cousin raised a brow at me. “You don’t know?”
“I didn’t have a gifted support network growing up, so I missed a lot of things, including the forum where you outsource work, and the ins and outs of—”
“I understand.” He cut me off politely, which I appreciated. Rambling explanations while trying to follow his enthusiastic turns hadn’t been easy. “If you marry into a gifted family, it’s pretty much common knowledge. If you marry a normal, then you keep it quiet, even from your spouse.”
“So Jesse’s mother doesn’t come from a gifted background,” I guessed.
“Probably not. My family, on the other hand, tends to seek mates in the life, so to speak. So even those of us born without any abilities still know the score.”