Home > Changeless (Parasol Protectorate #2)(36)

Changeless (Parasol Protectorate #2)(36)
Author: Gail Carriger

That got her a dour look. Lady Maccon rolled her eyes at Tunstell over Conall’s shoulder and gestured with her head that he could leave.

“We didna arrive in Scotland. I arrived; you followed.” He ran a finger under his high collar.

“Stop that—you’ll dirty the white.”

“Have I mentioned recently how loathsome I find the current fashions?”

“Take it up with the vampires; they set the trends.”

“Hence the high collars,” he grumbled. “I and mine, however, have no need to hide our necks.”

“No,” quipped his wife, “simply your personalities.” She stepped back, brushing down the shawl collar of his waistcoat. “There. Very handsome.”

Her large supernatural husband looked shy at that. “You think so?”

“Stop fishing for compliments and go get your jacket. I am positively starving.”

He pulled her against him and administered a long, deep, and distracting kiss. “You are always hungry, wife.”

“Mmm.” She could not take umbrage with a true statement. “So are you. Simply for different things.”

They were only slightly late for breakfast.

Most of the rest of the house was not yet up. Lady Kingair was there—Alexia wondered if the woman slept—and two clavigers, but none of the Kingair Pack. Of course, Ivy and Felicity were still abed. They kept London hours, even in the country, and could not be expected to appear until midmorning. Tunstell, Lady Maccon suspected, would find things to occupy himself until the ladies came down.

The castle put on a decent breakfast, for the middle of nowhere. There were cold cuts of pork, venison, and woodcock; potted shrimp; fried wild mushrooms; sliced pears; boiled eggs and toast; as well as a nice collection of fruit preserves. Lady Maccon helped herself, then settled down to tuck in.

Lady Kingair, who was eating a bowl of unseasoned porridge and a piece of plain toast, gave Alexia’s loaded plate a telling look. Alexia, who had never let the opinions of others sway her overmuch, especially where food was concerned, merely chewed loudly and with appreciative gusto.

Her husband shook his head at her antics, but as he himself sported a plate piled nearly twice as high as his wife’s, he could not cast aspersions.

“If you are back to being human,” Lady Maccon said after a pause, “you will get rotund eating like that.”

“I shall have to take up some sort of abrasively atrocious athletic sport.”

“You could go in for the hunt,” suggested Alexia. “Tallyho and view halloo.”

Werewolves, as a general rule, were not big on riding. Precious few horses were willing to carry a wolf on their back, even if he did look temporarily human. Driving a team was about as close as most werewolves could get. Since they could run faster in wolf form than a horse anyway, this fact did not tend to trouble the packs much. Except, of course, those men who had enjoyed riding before their metamorphosis.

Lord Maccon was not one of those men. “Foxhunting? I should think not,” he said, gnawing on a bit of pork. “Foxes are practically cousins; wouldna sit well with the family, if you take my meaning.”

“Oh, but how dashing you would look in shiny boots and one of those flashy red jackets.”

“I was contemplating boxing or possibly lawn tennis.”

Lady Maccon stifled a giggle by stuffing her face with a forkful of mushroom. The very idea of her husband prancing around all in white with a little netted baton in his hand. She swallowed. “Those sound like lovely ideas, dear,” she said, deadpan, eyes bright and dancing. “Have you considered golf? Highly suited to your heritage and sense of style.”

Conall glared at her, but there was a bit of a smile playing about his lips. “Now, now, wife, there’s no cause for blatant insult.”

Alexia was not certain whether she was insulting him by suggesting golf or insulting golf by suggesting he was its ideal participant.

Lady Kingair watched this byplay with both fascination and repugnance. “Goodness, I had heard it said that yours was a love match, but I couldna countenance it.”

Lady Maccon huffed. “Why else would any woman marry him?”

“Or her,” agreed Lord Maccon.

Something caught Alexia’s attention out of the corner of one eye. Something small and moving near the door to the room. Taken with curiosity, she stood, arresting the table conversation, and went to investigate.

Upon closer examination, she squealed in a most un-Alexia-like manner and jumped away in horror. Lord Maccon leaped to her rescue.

Lady Maccon looked at her great-great-whatever-daughter-in-law. “Cockroaches!” she accused, horrified out of any politeness that dictated she not mention the filthiness of the abode. “Why does your castle have cockroaches?”

Lord Maccon, with great presence of mind, removed his shoe and went to crush the offending insect. He paused, examined it for a split second, and then squished it flat.

Lady Kingair turned to one of the clavigers. “How did that get in here?”

“Canna keep them confined, my lady. They seem to be breeding, they do.”

“Then summon an exterminator.”

The young man glanced furtively in Lord and Lady Maccon’s direction. “Would he ken how to deal with”—a pause—“this particular type?”

“Only one way to find out. Hie yourself into town immediately.”

“Very good, madam.”

Alexia returned to the dining table, but her appetite had deserted her. She made to rise shortly thereafter.

Lord Maccon inhaled a few last bites and then took off after his wife, catching up to her in the hallway.

“That was not a cockroach, was it?” she asked.

“Aye. It wasna.”

“Well?”

He shrugged, his big hands spread wide in confusion. “Strangely colored, all shiny.”

“Oh, thank you for that.”

“Why bother? ’Tis dead now.”

“Point taken, husband. So, what are we planning for today?”

He nibbled a fingertip thoughtfully. “You know, I thought we might discern exactly why the supernatural isna working properly here.”

“Oh, darling, what a unique and original idea.”

He paused. The subject of Kingair’s little affliction of humanity seemed not to actually be foremost in his mind. “Red jacket and shiny boots, you say?”

Lady Maccon looked at her husband, confused for a moment. Where was he going with this line of reasoning? “Boots are causing the illness?”

“No,” he grumbled, shamefaced, “on me.”

“Ah!” She grinned hugely. “I believe I might have mentioned something to that effect.”

“Anything else?”

The grin widened. “Actually, I was envisioning boots, jacket, and nothing else at all. Mmm, perhaps just boots.”

He swallowed, nervous.

She turned to him, upping the odds. “If you were to make this fashion event happen, I might be open to a little negotiating about which of us will be doing the riding.”

Lord Maccon, werewolf of some two hundred years, blushed beet red at that. “I am eternally grateful you have not taken up gambling, my dear.”

She wormed herself into his arms and raised her lips to be kissed. “Give me time.”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Chief Sundowner

That afternoon, Lord and Lady Maccon decided to take a walk. The rain had let up slightly, and it looked to be turning into a passable day, if not precisely pleasant. Lady Maccon decided she was in the country and could relax her standards slightly, so did not change into a walking dress, instead simply slipping on practical shoes.

Unfortunately for Lord and Lady Maccon, Miss Loontwill and Miss Hisselpenny decided to join them. This occasioned a wait while both ladies changed, but since Tunstell had made himself scarce, there was less competition than there might otherwise have been in this endeavor. Alexia was beginning to think they wouldn’t get out of the house before teatime when both girls appeared sporting parasols and bonnets. This reminded Alexia to get her own parasol, causing yet another delay. Really, mobilizing an entire fleet for a great naval battle would probably have been easier.

Finally they set forth, but no sooner had they attained the small copse on the southern end of the grounds than they came across the Kingair Gamma, Lachlan, and Beta, Dubh, having some sort of heated argument in low, angry voices.

“Destroy it all,” the Gamma was saying. “We canna continue ta live like this.”

“Not until we ken to which and why.”

The two men spotted the approaching party and fell silent.

Politeness dictated they join the larger group, and, with Felicity and Ivy’s assistance, Alexia actually managed to get some semblance of polite conversation going. Both men were reluctant to say much at the best of times, and, clearly, the pack was under a gag order. However, such orders did not take into account the success with which sharp determination and frivolity could loosen the tongue.

“I know you gentlemen were on the front lines in India. How brave you must be, to fight primitives like that.” Miss Hisselpenny widened her eyes and looked at the two men, hoping for tales of heroic bravery.

“Not much fighting left to do out there anymore. Simply some minor pacification of the locals,” objected Lord Maccon.

Dubh gave him a dirty look. “And how would you know?”

“Oh, but what’s it really like?” asked Ivy. “We get the stories in the papers now and again, but no real feel for the place.”

“Hotter than hell’s—”

Miss Hisselpenny gasped in anticipation of lewd talk.

Dubh civilized himself. “Well, hot.”

“And the food doesna taste verra good,” added Lachlan.

“Really?” That interested Alexia. Food always interested Alexia. “How perfectly ghastly.”

“Even Egypt was better.”

“Oh.” Miss Hisselpenny’s eyes went wide. “You were in Egypt too?”

“Of course they were in Egypt,” Felicity said snidely. “Everyone knows it is one of the main ports for the empire these days. I have a passionate interest in the military, you know? I heard that most regiments have to stop over there.”

“Oh, do they?” Ivy blinked, trying to comprehend the geographic reason behind this.

“And how did you find Egypt?” asked Alexia politely.

“Also hot,” snapped Dubh.

“Seems to me most places would be, compared to Scotland,” Lady Maccon snapped back.

“You chose to visit us,” he reminded her.

“And you chose to go to Egypt.” Alexia was not one to back down from a verbal battle.

“Not entirely. Pack service to Queen Victoria is mandatory.” The conversation was getting tense.

“But it does not have to take the form of military service.”

“We are not loners to slink about the homeland with tails twixt our legs.” Dubh actually looked to Lord Maccon for assistance in dealing with his irascible wife. The earl merely winked at him.

Help came from an unlooked-for source. “I hear Egypt has some very nice, old”—Ivy was trying to keep matters civil—“stuff.”

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