Yes, she’d grown up with money. But she’d also grown up without love. She had thought she’d found love with the Whitmans, and she knew she shared a kindred love with her best friend, Sage, but Grace was so much more careful now when it came to such a crippling emotion.
Because aside from Sage and Grandma Bethel, Sage’s grandmother, no one else she had ever loved and who had professed to love her in return had actually stuck around—not even Cam.
Maybe she had rejection issues, to use shrinkspeak, and maybe she had issues with being controlled. But the reality was that it didn’t matter what psychological problems she had or what she was afraid of. Because reality didn’t lie, and the reality was that people she loved eventually always disappeared. Her heart couldn’t handle any more bitterness or despair.
So it was much easier to put on a face, be the life of the party, and let the people around you think you were an unstoppable force. It was much easier not to get hurt when you wore a mask.
“Are you in a food coma?”
Grace was too relaxed at the moment to even tense up at the sound of Cam’s voice. He sat down next to her and lowered the back of his lawn chair, then turned on his side so he was facing her. Even though there were people milling all around, only the glow of the fire cast any light on the two of them, and the scene felt intensely intimate.
And with the crackling fire and the slow country song “Who I Am with You” playing, Grace felt her eyes drift a little as she looked at the boy who had turned into such a fine-looking man. Her resistance was zilch at the moment. She really should have tried to catch a ride home.
“I don’t think I’ll need to eat for at least a week,” she finally said when she realized how long she’d gone without answering him.
“That was nothing. You’ve been to one of my dad’s feasts,” he said with a laugh.
Grace grinned in response. “Yes, I have, and you’re right. I don’t understand how people can prepare that much food, let alone eat it all.”
“It’s ranching country. We get hungry,” he said with a wink.
“Camden Whitman, you sit behind a desk all day. If you’re not careful, you won’t be able to fit there with all the food you’ve been stuffing into that belly.”
“Hey! I work out,” he said as he rubbed his impressively ripped belly. “And I love cattle roundup time.”
“Yeah, I have to admit, I missed that when I was in the city. I even missed the smells here, if you can believe that,” she said with a fond smile.
“I certainly believe it, Grace. I was away for seven years during college, only home for the holidays and part of the summer. I missed little old Sterling like crazy. It’s insane, really, to miss this place when there’s so much more world out there, but I think when you know home is somewhere else, you can never be happy no matter how glamorous or important you think your life is.”
He sounded so uncharacteristically serious. Grace really wanted to ask him what the story was behind that last statement, but they weren’t in a place in their lives anymore where she could sit and talk to him for hours about their hopes and dreams. She’d once known this man better than she knew herself, but that was a long time ago.
“I didn’t know where home was for a really long time. That was pretty dang hard. After we left here, even though my parents based themselves in Missoula because of my father’s company, we traveled the world. Then I was on my own, and I traveled even more. I honestly didn’t think I would ever return here. I don’t know why I did, really . . .” She looked away now, unable to look Cam in the eyes anymore.
“You came back because you know this is your home, Grace.”
She didn’t even try to fight it when Cam reached out and grabbed her hand. What troubled her was how right it felt in the security of his palm.
She’d always felt safest when she was with Cam. How she wished she could turn back time. Turn back the horrors she’d faced over the years, turn back the last time she and Cam had said good-bye, turn it all back so she wasn’t this empty shell she feared she had become.
“I don’t know, Cam. I love being with Sage again, but she’s in a different place in life than I am. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back.” She knew she’d hate herself in the morning for this moment of weakness, of opening up to a man—especially if that man was Cam.
“You’re where you belong, Grace. I assure you of that. Sage adores you and so does my entire family,” he said, squeezing her hand. “What happened while you were away? What won’t you tell me?”
“I don’t want to do this, Cam,” she said, feeling tears choke her throat.
“I swear that all I want to do is help you, so if you just tell me your story, you can get it off your chest and it will help with this case hanging over your head,” he said with such warmth in his voice that Grace found herself unable to hold back.
“I can’t talk about this here,” she whispered. “I don’t want anyone to overhear us.”
“But you will talk to me?” His voice showed a hint of excitement, and hope glinted in his soft eyes.
“I can’t seem to keep fighting you on it, so, yes, I guess I will talk to you,” she said. The strangest thing happened once she’d gotten those words out—a weight she hadn’t known was there lifted from her chest.
Maybe Cam was right.
“Let’s go to my house. It’s just over the hill and we can talk all night if you’re up to it,” he said, standing and reaching out a hand.