He was not wrong.
I shuddered. I’d hurried away from the snakes as quickly as possible. “I don’t like snakes.”
“Why?”
That was actually a really difficult question to answer for a small child. “They scare me.”
He frowned. “Why?”
“Uh… because so many of them can bite you, and the bite can make you really, really sick.”
“All of them?”
“Well, no…”
“But you’re scared of all of them?”
“Yes.” I could see where this was going and I didn’t like it.
“Why?”
Yup, that’s where I thought it was going.
There really was no good explanation other than irrational fear, and I didn’t think an almost-four-year-old would understand irrationality as an answer. I didn’t want the kid to think I disliked things because they were different, because even at his age that kind of thinking might stick with him. In the end, I replied, “The hissing sound they make.”
Dylan stared at me a second and then nodded slowly. I gave an inner sigh of relief before quickly changing the subject.
“What was your favorite animal?”
“Giant panda,” he answered immediately.
I grinned and turned the tables on him. “Why?”
He shrugged. “Cool eyes. I wasn’t scared. It smiled.”
The panda hadn’t actually smiled, of course, but when she contemplated us I could have sworn there was something mischievous in her eyes. The fact that Dylan had picked up on that made me feel absurdly proud of him. “All good reasons.”
“D’ye live with my daddy now?”
And we were back in dangerous territory. I shook my head. “No. We just hang out a lot.”
“You’ll be there when I come to stay?”
“Sometimes. Is that okay with you?”
Dylan shrugged again. “Daddy laughs a lot, so okay.”
I felt elated by Dylan’s analysis of the situation and the blessing he had given me in his cute little-boy way.
Must. Not. Cuddle.
When Marco came back to the table with the food, I was grinning from ear to ear. He smiled in bewilderment at my expression as he sat down and made sure Dylan had his food and juice. “What’s going on with you?”
I shrugged. “I just love giant pandas.”
Marco’s brows drew together and he looked at Dylan as if he would explain. His son gave him a look as if to say, What? It makes sense to me, and I burst out laughing.
The last few months had been an utter roller coaster of emotions for me, and after having to go through the ugly past again, and then losing Jarrod, I hadn’t known if or when I’d ever be able to laugh that hard again.
But laugh hard I did.
Marco was smiling, but he leaned his head down to Dylan and said, “You were right. Weird.”
Dylan gave a world-weary sigh that was far beyond his years.
I didn’t care if they teased me for the rest of my life. In that moment, all I cared about was that they’d be there for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER 29
June
T he late June sun streamed in through my classroom windows, the light spilling over the kids’ empty desks. My last class of the year had already left, but I found myself immobilized. I couldn’t take my eyes off Jarrod’s desk. It had remained empty for the rest of the year whenever his class came into my room.
I didn’t want to forget.
It had been hard the past few months to find myself as a teacher again. Part of me had wanted to fall back on old habits and create a distance between myself and the kids. There was always supposed to be some distance anyway, but it was hard not to care about them, and in the end I decided if I stopped caring about them, I’d stop being a good teacher.
It hadn’t started out as the best year, but the past few months had begun to make up for that. One way in which they had was the permanent job offer I received from the department here at Braemuir. I’d be returning as a fully qualified English teacher after the summer. It was one less thing to worry about.
I had thought I would feel relief that the year was over and that I had the summer to enjoy before it started all over again.
But standing there in my classroom that last day, I couldn’t stop staring at Jarrod’s desk.
Sometimes it still made my breath catch when I remembered that I wouldn’t see him next year, that he wouldn’t get to grow up and become the amazing man I knew he could have been.
I hadn’t realized how hard the last day of school was going to be with that hanging over me.
“Knock, knock.”
My gaze jerked away from the desk and my eyes widened in surprised pleasure, my mood instantly lifting at the sight of Marco and Dylan walking into my classroom.
“What are you two doing here?” I asked, grinning happily as Dylan’s steps quickened. He reached me and instantly slid his arms around my legs. I hugged him close as Marco bent down to give me a quick, sweet kiss on the lips.
“I thought maybe you’d want some company. Not an easy day for you, babe.”
I shook my head in wonder. How had he known when even I hadn’t known? “I love you,” I murmured.
“I love you, too.”
I looked down at Dylan to see him watching us. I scrunched my nose up at him. “Guess what?”
“What?” he returned, genuinely curious.
“I love you, too.”
He smiled shyly and ducked his head.
So cute, I could die.
“Dylan, what do you say?” Marco chucked his chin.
Dylan shrugged. “Hannah knows I lu huh.” His words became a mumble, but I got the gist.