She just wasn’t sure, and she couldn’t lift herself to investigate.
Once at the ER everything had moved too fast. Before she could tell anyone she was all right, the gas mask was on her face and she was being sucked under.
When she woke again, she was in a hospital bed, and the room was in semidarkness, though from the faint light filtering through the blinds, it was morning. Well, she’d made it through the night. She took stock. There was a dull ache in her arm, a sharper one in her side, but other than that she felt okay.
She rolled her head to the side. An IV drip was attached to her arm, and just beneath that, Declan sat slumped in an upright chair, long leather-clad legs stretched out in front of him. His eyes were closed, dark lashes resting on his cheeks.
He was so beautiful. Asleep, all the harsh lines were smoothed away and he looked almost like the boy she had fallen in love with all those years ago.
But he was no longer a boy. He was a man. And she still loved him.
In that moment of clarity, she had realized that it didn’t matter that it was the most stupid, self-destructive emotion she could ever feel. It wasn’t negotiable. It had always been there, pretty much from the moment she’d set eyes on him all those years ago. It had been hidden, buried beneath a mountain of hurt, but it had never gone away.
And Declan loved her.
He was willing to give them a chance. And she wasn’t exactly a good bet. It took a brave man to be ready to take a chance on her.
She’d been trying to hold herself together, had papered over the cracks, and now, she relaxed and the paper holding her together dissolved into nothing, and the cracks widened and tore, leaving her broken all over again.
And for the first time, she accepted that it was inevitable.
It occurred to her then, that all those years ago, she had in fact mended all wrong. Like a limb that had been broken and badly set, she’d put herself back together again, but she’d never really functioned as a proper human being. She’d always been afraid to feel, to give any part of herself. To do that, those old mends had to be rebroken, so this time, she could heal properly.
Lying in the dim light she pieced herself back together, a little bit at a time, all the while keeping her gaze on the sleeping man. Her man. He’d told her he wanted to try. She did, too. She’d somehow fit into his world, if that was what he wanted. Though looking at him now, all bad-boy leather and tattoos, she suspected his world was about to change drastically.
She twisted a little and pain shot through her. She must have let out a gasp, because Declan’s lashes flickered open and he came immediately upright in the chair. His gaze flashed to her face. “You’re awake. Thank Christ. Are you okay, in pain?”
“A little.”
He pressed a button beside her head. “Before they come, tell me again.”
She knew what he meant. “I love you.”
“Shit, when you said that and I thought…” He ran a hand through his hair. “That was the worst night of my life. Say it again.”
“I love you.”
He rose to his feet, pushed back the chair, and came to stand by the bed. Unfortunately, the side with the IV stand, and he kicked it with his foot.
“Christ, I need to hold you and I can’t even get close.” He took a deep breath. “There was so much blood.” His expression hardened. “Why the hell were you even there? What the fuck happened to meeting me at my place?”
“I had this thought. It occurred to me that there was no way he would try the hit inside the club. He must have known that he’d never get out without being caught.”
“And couldn’t you have just called and told one of my babysitters that?”
“I did. But then I thought I’d better just keep an eye on things until you turned up, and then…”
“Yeah, I know what happened then. You took a bullet meant for me when I’d told you that was the last thing I wanted.”
She grinned. “Two bullets.”
The door opened at that moment and a doctor entered, together with a nurse, and behind them Kim and Dani, both carrying a big bunch of flowers and a couple of carrier bags.
Pushing past the doctor, they hurried across the room, coming to a halt beside her and opposite Declan. They took turns to lean down and kiss her very lightly on the cheek. “We couldn’t wait any longer.” Kim nodded toward Declan. “Your hot new bodyguard wouldn’t let us stay. He wanted you all to himself. But we’ve been getting hourly updates in the waiting room and we took it in turns to go out goody shopping.”
Jess peered into one of the bags. It appeared to contain black lacy underwear, chocolates, and a bottle of scotch.
“Thank you,” she said.
Dani bit her lip. “We’ve only been given thirty seconds, but we just wanted to say we love you and don’t ever do that again.”
“I won’t.”
“We’ll be back later,” Kim said.
“That’s if your bodyguard lets us.”
They both squeezed her good arm and then headed for the door. Dani spoke to Declan. “Look after her.”
“I will,” Declan said, reluctantly stepping back so the doctor could get to her. He leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest.
“Are you in any pain?” the doctor asked.
She pulled herself upright, wincing as a sharp pain shot through her side. Then settled back against the pillows. “A little.”
He added something to the IV and seconds later the pain faded to nothing and she sighed. “Thank you.”
She closed her eyes as the nurse moved around, peering at the bandages, taking her blood pressure.
“How bad is it?” she asked the doctor.
“Not so bad. Both wounds are clean and we stitched them up. The arm one was simple; the one in your side a little more problematic. You’ll have an impressive scar, but the bullet missed any organs and went right through.”
“So can I go home?” Her voice sounded pathetically hopeful, but she really hated hospitals. Both her previous stays had ended up with just about the worst periods of her life.
“No.” The doctor and Declan spoke in unison.
“You lost a lot of blood,” the doctor continued. “We need to replace that and make sure you’re stable.”
She pursed her lips, but decided to wait until she felt a bit stronger before she started arguing her case. The truth was, she did feel a little light-headed. She hadn’t noticed while she was horizontal, but now she was sitting up her head was swimming. She gritted her teeth.